Met a girl online, but then she vanished...

[el Jay]

So I was talking to a girl I met online for a few weeks and we really hit it off. But a week ago, she just stopped responding to my messages on discord. I know that it looks like I was ghosted, but things just don't add up. It makes no sense.

She still shows up as online regularly (according to the hours she was normally online), but just doesn't respond to any messages. She's still on my friend list and my messages go through (no "can't message the person" notices), so she couldn't have blocked or deleted me. Which is what I'd expect if she decided to ghost me.

I only vaguely know of her presence elsewhere online, but any place she had been active recently that I know of shows she hasn't done anything in the past couple of weeks at best. Most places I've managed to find traces of her or an account I've confirmed is her have been inactive for months. I only know her first name and the state she's in, so no luck finding her on Facebook (although I do know she has one). The state is sparsely populated but still too difficult to mill through facebook to try and find her, if I would even notice it's her.

I do know she apparently only had a phone to browse the internet on (no pc at the moment), so I'm thinking maybe something happened to that which prevents her from replying somehow, but it still signs her into discord?

It just doesn't make sense. If I was ghosted, why didn't she block or at least delete me on discord? If something happened to her in real life, why (or how) is she still logged into discord regularly, in accordance with her usual times?



I don't know what I hope to accomplish by posting this, but maybe someone has some ideas, or a different conclusion based on the evidence. I can't imagine what the situation is, though, since pretty much everything except technical issues is precluded by her regular discord online status and the fact I'm still on her friend list.

 

[Xpendable]

It's called ghosting. It's fairly common.

 

[el Jay]

Yes, I'm aware of that. My entire point is that the fact she didn't just delete me from her friends list (or outright block me, which would be even simpler) is what makes it so weird and gives me doubts. That means she's actively ignoring my messages if she really is online, instead of just putting me out of her life altogether.

 

[kamya]

Actively ignoring seems to be the preferred route they use in my experience.

Im personally a fan of blocking.

 

[el Jay]

Can't understand why that'd be the case. Seems like so much more effort on their part, especially if they don't want to bother with the guy anymore. But I just don't understand how it makes any sense in this case. We hit it off so well, talked so much. I can't even begin to imagine why and how she would've chosen then to ghost me. I realize it doesn't have to make sense, but still, it's fairly difficult to believe. I'd more expect that she'd just give me a quick "it's not working out" and then block or delete me.

I'm still holding out some hope that it really is technical issues, though, as foolish as that probably sounds to anyone reading. But this event, if it ends up being permanent, just solidifies the idea in my mind that I'm not allowed to ever be hopeful about something good possibly happening. It never, ever ends well. 0% of the time.

**** this world, and **** this life. It's pointless at best, and hellish at worst.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Yes, I'm aware of that. My entire point is that the fact she didn't just delete me from her friends list (or outright block me, which would be even simpler) is what makes it so weird and gives me doubts. That means she's actively ignoring my messages if she really is online, instead of just putting me out of her life altogether.

If you think that she is actively ignoring you, which none of us can say for sure if she is, why not just leave it be? I'd say trust your instinct on this one. And unless she tells you otherwise down the line, you don't really know what's going on.

 

[Xpendable]

Could anyone else here not feel the same way if they were randomly blocked by someone and just let it be?
and I mean getting blocked by someone you care and it's only one of a few friends?

 

[kamya]

It's a ****** feeling yeah but it is mostly the norm nowadays.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Could anyone else here not feel the same way if they were randomly blocked by someone and just let it be?
and I mean getting blocked by someone you care and it's only one of a few friends?

Not everyone reacts or should feel the same way. The way I see it, if someone doesn't want to talk to me, I won't make it out like they should. It's their choice and their decision to either want to talk to someone or to not want to talk to someone. I don't appreciate it when someone makes it out like I need to talk to them, so I personally don't do it to other people.

 

[Xpendable]

But the reason is not important?

 

[VanillaCreme]

But the reason is not important?

I wouldn't think so. Sure, many folks would want to know why. But it's not owed to us. If the person doesn't want to say, they don't have to. No one can force them to explain anything if they don't want to.

 

[el Jay]

It's called ghosting. It's fairly common.

Yes, I'm aware of that. My entire point is that the fact she didn't just delete me from her friends list (or outright block me, which would be even simpler) is what makes it so weird and gives me doubts. That means she's actively ignoring my messages if she really is online, instead of just putting me out of her life altogether.

If you think that she is actively ignoring you, which none of us can say for sure if she is, why not just leave it be? I'd say trust your instinct on this one. And unless she tells you otherwise down the line, you don't really know what's going on.

Because I don't actually think she is, I just worry she is due to my anxiety. It would seem very uncharacteristic of her and everything I know about her for her to just suddenly start ignoring me like that, but there's that nagging worry that she really is just ignoring me. And if she ISN'T ignoring me, then something might be wrong, like her phone not working right, which worries me because I don't know how long it'll be until she can get in contact some other way. She has a lot of anxiety, too, so just going to a library is a difficult option for her.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Because I don't actually think she is, I just worry she is due to my anxiety. It would seem very uncharacteristic of her and everything I know about her for her to just suddenly start ignoring me like that, but there's that nagging worry that she really is just ignoring me. And if she ISN'T ignoring me, then something might be wrong, like her phone not working right, which worries me because I don't know how long it'll be until she can get in contact some other way. She has a lot of anxiety, too, so just going to a library is a difficult option for her.

Then perhaps she's going through something. It's more beneficial to her, or anyone going through something in their life, if they had support from the people in their lives. It's okay to quietly support someone. It only takes one time to let someone know that you're there for them, and that when they're ready to talk - if ever - then you're there to listen.

I learned back in high school not to hound people. I'm not saying that you're doing that, but to quietly support someone could mean the world to them. I had a friend in school whose dad passed away, and she started telling me that she was tired of people asking her if she was okay. Then she said that she appreciated that I hadn't asked her anything about it. I was talking to her like I normally did. I never forgot that. Sometimes we just need some space and a bit of time.

 

[el Jay]

I've thought about it being something like that, but it still doesn't make sense that she'd just be ignoring me altogether. I guess there really isn't anything I can do at this point, though.

 

[el Jay]

She finally got into contact with me today. Her phone was stolen, and she only managed to get a new one today. So I guess that solves that mystery. I'm just thankful that I finally heard from her again.

 

[Serephina]

That's great that she's got in contact again. I can undertand with the anxiety so many scenarios go through your head,but i've found the best way to deal with it is just to keep yourself busy and if they get in contact with you then great,but you're not hanging around waiting for a response.

 

[ardour]

Ask yourself is the same good will, benefit of the doubt and support would be given to you - a socially awkward, anxious and insecure male - if you were facing similar circumstances. I think you know the answer.

She no doubt has a wide network of supportive friends. It's likely that you're one of many 'well wishers'. She doesn't need you to worry about her.

 

[kamya]

Ask yourself is the same good will, benefit of the doubt and support would be given to you  - a  socially awkward, anxious and insecure male   - if you were facing similar circumstances. I think you know the answer.

She no doubt has a wide  network of supportive friends.  It's likely that you're one of many 'well wishers'. She doesn't need you to worry about her.

Let's give her the benefit of the doubt! 

 

[VanillaCreme]

Ask yourself is the same good will, benefit of the doubt and support would be given to you - a socially awkward, anxious and insecure male - if you were facing similar circumstances. I think you know the answer.

She no doubt has a wide network of supportive friends. It's likely that you're one of many 'well wishers'. She doesn't need you to worry about her.

What does everyone else have to do with him? He's allowed to care about her, regardless of if she talked to one other person or a hundred other people. The bitterness is real.

 

[reynard_muldrake]

Ask yourself is the same good will, benefit of the doubt and support would be given to you  - a  socially awkward, anxious and insecure male   - if you were facing similar circumstances. I think you know the answer.

She no doubt has a wide  network of supportive friends.  It's likely that you're one of many 'well wishers'. She doesn't need you to worry about her.

What does everyone else have to do with him? He's allowed to care about her, regardless of if she talked to one other person or a hundred other people. The bitterness is real.

 
So because he didn't have a rosy outlook on the situation, that automatically equates to bitterness? The smugness is real...