My enemy is myself

[BeyondShy]

You are acclimated to the old forum, to the old people and to the old you. You've said you've grown since you came here. Perhaps it's time to prove it. Not to anyone else, but to yourself. Give the new people and the improved you a chance to get to know each other.

True, I am more used to the old style forum but it has been a few years now and I am used to how it is now.

I have grown since I joined but as a defense for myself I do see myself going back to how I did things in here when I think I am confronted by someone. But when that does not happen I like to believe that I am more open with others but naturally that is for others to say.

Have you ever considered "live and let live"?

Not really. I take things personally.

 

[BeyondShy]

Almost done

It’s like I just got here and now I am preparing to wrap things up for another twelve months. Again it went by too fast for me but that is how it is during the holiday season. Even if you are like me and don’t have much to do for Christmas and New Year’s other people in here do and I have to be appreciative for their time.

I’ve moved up my departure day from the second of January to tomorrow. I want to be here tomorrow to say happy new year in the forums and I will also join the chat to say the same thing.

As long as everyone is fine and are healthy that’s all I want.

 

[okidoke]

I might be being a bit too critical here, but your short visits here are analogous to attending a party, letting everyone know you’re there, grabbing some cake and disappearing again. Sure, you give the impression that the party means something to you, and you get some cake, but nobody else really seems to get any benefit from your visit because you don’t really take a breath and sit awhile and get deep with anyone at the party. A partygoer might feel sort of cheated, dismissed or ignored because you came and got what you wanted and didn’t allow someone else who might need it to get to know you on a deeper level. I guess everyone comes here for their own personal reasons, but for me at least, I’d like to think I’m here to make others’ lives a tad more bearable or even pleasant. You’ve been here longer than me and you mentioned the forum has changed, but even though I originally came here for some solace, it’s not all about me. Perhaps what makes you decide on your short stay can be worked on and you can grow even more so you can see that your attendance can benefit more than just yourself. Again, I don’t mean to be critical, I just wanted you, and others, to see more deeply that this forum is of more value when we don’t think it’s only about solving our own issues. Good luck with whatever you decide and hope your 2025 is all that you hope it will be.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Not really. I take things personally.

Yes, you take things personally, even when they are completely innocent comments and even when it's not about you and then you project it to literally everyone, because heaven forbid you actually give someone a chance, open up and gain some friends that you talk to more than 2 weeks a year. All because a few people were mean to you when you first got here.


Sorry, that might be harsh but it really irritates me to see you do this to yourself every single year.

 

[147]

Yeah, to be honest (this coming from someone new here who just witnessed this for the first time), it literally just comes across as a show, not something that you actually gain anything from.
If you want to "keep in touch" with the few people that "are important to you" here, why not exchange email addresses instead? This way you don't have to come back after 50 weeks and make posts about people that somehow managed to become a thorn in your side during your limited stay

 

[Abstamyous]

Not really. I take things personally.

Well, as the thread title says. Your enemy is yourself. Not anyone else.

I truly hope that the limitations you set on yourself are enough for you to sustain.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I might be being a bit too critical here, but your short visits here are analogous to attending a party, letting everyone know you’re there, grabbing some cake and disappearing again. Sure, you give the impression that the party means something to you, and you get some cake, but nobody else really seems to get any benefit from your visit because you don’t really take a breath and sit awhile and get deep with anyone at the party. A partygoer might feel sort of cheated, dismissed or ignored because you came and got what you wanted and didn’t allow someone else who might need it to get to know you on a deeper level. I guess everyone comes here for their own personal reasons, but for me at least, I’d like to think I’m here to make others’ lives a tad more bearable or even pleasant. You’ve been here longer than me and you mentioned the forum has changed, but even though I originally came here for some solace, it’s not all about me. Perhaps what makes you decide on your short stay can be worked on and you can grow even more so you can see that your attendance can benefit more than just yourself. Again, I don’t mean to be critical, I just wanted you, and others, to see more deeply that this forum is of more value when we don’t think it’s only about solving our own issues. Good luck with whatever you decide and hope your 2025 is all that you hope it will be.

This is good advice in general, not just for BeyondShy, not just for this forum. You can apply this anywhere.

Well spoken.

 

[BeyondShy]

I might be being a bit too critical here, but your short visits here are analogous to attending a party, letting everyone know you’re there, grabbing some cake and disappearing again. Sure, you give the impression that the party means something to you, and you get some cake, but nobody else really seems to get any benefit from your visit because you don’t really take a breath and sit awhile and get deep with anyone at the party. A partygoer might feel sort of cheated, dismissed or ignored because you came and got what you wanted and didn’t allow someone else who might need it to get to know you on a deeper level. I guess everyone comes here for their own personal reasons, but for me at least, I’d like to think I’m here to make others’ lives a tad more bearable or even pleasant. You’ve been here longer than me and you mentioned the forum has changed, but even though I originally came here for some solace, it’s not all about me. Perhaps what makes you decide on your short stay can be worked on and you can grow even more so you can see that your attendance can benefit more than just yourself. Again, I don’t mean to be critical, I just wanted you, and others, to see more deeply that this forum is of more value when we don’t think it’s only about solving our own issues. Good luck with whatever you decide and hope your 2025 is all that you hope it will be.

That’s a very nice analogy and I am sure you put a lot of thought in it. But you are mistaken on one important point. I do not just give the impression that the party means something to me or in other words I just don’t tell people when return that I am glad to be back and am glad to see them. I really mean this.

I am not someone who is a “hey look at me” kind of person. I do get greeted when I return with nice hellos and how are you’s but after that I basically just jump around the forums catching up and posting comments in some game threads. I am not dismissing or ignoring anyone.

People like you are needed here if you want my opinion. You do seem to make other’s lives bearable and pleasant as you said. I’ve seen posts that exemplify that. Keep it up. This place is worth it.

Yes, you take things personally, even when they are completely innocent comments and even when it's not about you and then you project it to literally everyone, because heaven forbid you actually give someone a chance, open up and gain some friends that you talk to more than 2 weeks a year. All because a few people were mean to you when you first got here.


Sorry, that might be harsh but it really irritates me to see you do this to yourself every single year.

Don’t worry about sounding harsh. I am used to your no nonsense approach so in that way I don’t consider it harsh.

Yes, I take things personally. I take it personal when I read that passive aggressive insult that many people love to use. And do you want to know one thing? I have never seen anyone else in here called that. Not one person in here. So yes, I take things personally. I NEVER hear this when I am away from here about anyone and no one says it about myself. This insult does prevent me many times from taking chances to know people in here and please, please don’t say it isn’t an insult. You or anyone can explain it away but I personally consider it an insult.

 

[BeyondShy]

I've only been here a little while, but that there is very clearly the case.

That's all I wanted to say. I'm not taking sides to anyone in this thread, fyi.

You wrote this just ten days ago and yet today you are taking sides. Against me. Good job. That is the best way to be accepted around here.

Different people, same things.

Yeah, to be honest (this coming from someone new here who just witnessed this for the first time), it literally just comes across as a show, not something that you actually gain anything from.
If you want to "keep in touch" with the few people that "are important to you" here, why not exchange email addresses instead? This way you don't have to come back after 50 weeks and make posts about people that somehow managed to become a thorn in your side during your limited stay

I’ll tell you why. Because no one ever offered. I did once to someone who honestly had a good reason why it would have been hard to. Working a full time job, raising children and all the responsibilities that go along with that leave no time to write some e-mails. I completely understood. The other people for one reason or the other either did not want to or didn’t think of it. And I have no complaints about this.

You have no idea what I meant about that person being a “thorn in my side” but since you saw others give me a hard time about it you had to join in with them and assumed I had to be wrong about this.

Let me get one thing straight with everyone here. I don’t dislike her. I don’t wish anything bad for her and I do hope she returns to liven up the forum for everyone. But last year when I was here she enjoyed the fact that she annoyed me because of the things she said to me. Thus she WAS a thorn in my side. Past tense. It seems I can only have an opinion only on things you like to hear. This is one of the main reasons why I am leaving here two days early.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

Have a good last day here @BeyondShy. And a Happy New Year! Take it easy out there.

 

[BeyondShy]

Well, as the thread title says. Your enemy is yourself. Not anyone else.

I truly hope that the limitations you set on yourself are enough for you to sustain.

This may be one of the most thought provoking statements I’ve read in here. I have actually cut and pasted this so I can review it over this coming year.

I only let myself go so far. Yes. I don’t care for rejection especially when it is done mean spirited.

This is good advice in general, not just for BeyondShy, not just for this forum. You can apply this anywhere.

Well spoken.

Yes it was, wasn't it? A smart woman.

 

[BeyondShy]

Have a good last day here @BeyondShy. And a Happy New Year! Take it easy out there.

Why do you do this in here?

 

[TropicalStarfish]

Why do you do this in here?

I've been following the thread, and that song seemed to resonate, as well as perhaps lighten things up.

I don't think people should be making such a fuss. I'm glad to see you come 'round again.

So, I say Hello Hello!

 

[TropicalStarfish]

Also, I really don't think you are completely in the wrong here @BeyondShy . As far as all this hoopla is about. Probably nobody is, beyond just the failure of our ability to communicate effectively. I think you lacked a bit of tact, and probably came off on the wrong foot, to a degree. But, so, you got off on the wrong foot. No biggy. It happens, it's unavoidable.

Personally, I think this forum is weird. And it is, objectively. Lonely people can be quirky at best. A lot of folks have come and gone from this place, for better or worse. Some get the dirty end of the stick, some get banned, for some Real Life happens for better or worse, some conquer the challenges, others are conquered by them, some find friends, and some find love... It's objectively weird. It's like a microcosm of the world. Social dynamics can suck. It's like a dance or a song, or musical chairs. Sometimes you get stuck without a chair. Sometimes you trip over your own feet. Sometimes you sing out of tune.

I've been refraining from talking about Old Ceno, because I don't think anyone should really be talking about her too much behind her back. But, based on what I've seen you say, I'm 100% certain you have the best wishes for her. Not that it's my business.

I don't mind continuing saying, because I don't think she would care if I said it: she could be trouble, and she knew it. And she was also troubled, as many of us who are here, or come through here are. I was irritated by her from time to time. But, not so much after the point she bested me with her wit (not always an enjoyable experience, mind you; and so it's rare to be humbled gently, in style, with grace and poise); that's something some one like me can respect. It's refreshing to be humbled in such a way. And as you do, I wish her very well as well.

I wish you well too.. @BeyondShy

Sorry if I've come off the wrong way.

 

[BeyondShy]

Also, I really don't think you are completely in the wrong here @BeyondShy . As far as all this hoopla is about. Probably nobody is, beyond just the failure of our ability to communicate effectively. I think you lacked a bit of tact, and probably came off on the wrong foot, to a degree. But, so, you got off on the wrong foot. No biggy. It happens, it's unavoidable.

Thank you! Coming off wrong to a degree? Yeah, I can accept that. Since when does anyone hold any stock in who a thorn in my side is? They don’t give a damn about me but they care about her. I said this when I returned because I was gone for a year. If I didn’t leave this would have been said long ago. Now instead of telling everyone she was a thorn in my side I could have been as you stated, more tactful. I could have and should have said that “I am happy to be back an d that I hope I do not have any trouble from Cenotaphgirl like I had last year.” That would have avoided using the word thorn.

Personally, I think this forum is weird. And it is, objectively. Lonely people can be quirky at best. A lot of folks have come and gone from this place, for better or worse. Some get the dirty end of the stick, some get banned, for some Real Life happens for better or worse, some conquer the challenges, others are conquered by them, some find friends, and some find love... It's objectively weird. It's like a microcosm of the world. Social dynamics can suck. It's like a dance or a song, or musical chairs. Sometimes you get stuck without a chair. Sometimes you trip over your own feet. Sometimes you sing out of tune.

The names have changed in here but the song remains the same. You got it right when you said that social dynamics can suck. I am proof of that. There are only a few people in here that I am comfortable to talk to and really that’s it. I would like to have more but I always seem to have to defend myself in here because of something I said. And that to me is horse****. I come back because I miss these people and it makes me happy to see the ones I consider friends when I return but I’m telling you straight up I was fed up with people trying to make me feel bad about what I said about her. She is a user on here just like you and I and she does not deserve to be treated better or worse than us or anyone. If you like her, fine. If not, fine.

I've been refraining from talking about Old Ceno, because I don't think anyone should really be talking about her too much behind her back. But, based on what I've seen you say, I'm 100% certain you have the best wishes for her. Not that it's my business.

Old Ceno? Was she old? Well, no matter.

I was and am 100% in support of her during her surgery and I hope she recovered well and is very healthy today.

I don't mind continuing saying, because I don't think she would care if I said it: she could be trouble, and she knew it. And she was also troubled, as many of us who are here, or come through here are. I was irritated by her from time to time. But, not so much after the point she bested me with her wit (not always an enjoyable experience, mind you; and so it's rare to be humbled gently, in style, with grace and poise); that's something some one like me can respect. It's refreshing to be humbled in such a way. And as you do, I wish her very well as well.

She irritated me the first day I came back last year until I left. That was why I said what I did. I can’t and won’t take back anything I said.

I wish you well too.. @BeyondShy

The same goes for you too!

Sorry if I've come off the wrong way.

You did not. Please don’t think that.

 

[okidoke]

Yes it was, wasn't it? A smart woman.

I’m not a woman btw.

 

[BeyondShy]

I’m not a woman btw.

I KNOW THIS. I MADE A MISTAKE. I was trying to quote what Amy said.

Well, as the thread title says. Your enemy is yourself. Not anyone else.

I truly hope that the limitations you set on yourself are enough for you to sustain.

This right here is what I meant to quote. My fault!

 

[okidoke]

Okay. Have a good one.

 

[BeyondShy]

Okay. Have a good one.

I screwed up. Hold that against me now.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I screwed up. Hold that against me now.

Come on dude. Don't end your stay on a bad note.

Take 5 minutes and chill for a bit. I just want to remind you that no one is really against you here.