My ex-girlfriend is engaged and it's killing me

[Ashariel]

I've been separated from my husband for the past 9 months, and have felt a lot of the same things. I love him, and would prefer that we were still together, but he wanted to go his own way (after 14 years together). And I want him to be happy, but yeah it does hurt to see just HOW happy he is, without me in his life any more.

Anyway just wanted to say I hear you... I hope the pain will eventually lessen, and that you can move on to happier things yourself!

 

[classydoe]

Hey Jack..... thanks for your post... I thought I was the only one in the world who felt like this about my ex. And now there are more of us.... yeay!

I had tried desperately to not fall in love with my ex but as we worked together, there was no getting away from him. And I fell. Hook, line and sinker. Very cornily I had never felt love like that before and unfortunately years later, we both changed jobs and he drifted off.
I hear he is happy and settled.
I have never stopped loving him and hope everyday that we may serendipitously come together again.
I'd marry him tomorrow.

So, I'm afraid, I can't help you out of this confusing , overwhelming emotional state but I can sit with you and nod emphatically while we both wait to be rescued.

 

[The Good Citizen]

Jack has there been anyone since you broke up? I know the old adage that the best way to get over someone is get under someone is a little crass but there is some truth in the fact. A proportion of what you are missing, which I think you said in your OP is the feeling you had with her, of being in love and content, as much as missing the girl herself. This CAN be achieved with someone else, but you need to allow yourself to open your eyes, look around start considering what life could be like with someone else. It’s about making the conscious decision to allow yourself to love again. I'm just wondering how much and how far you have allowed yourself to do that up until this point. I know its hard to believe but there does come a time where you’ll meet someone else and move on and you think "I'm fine, I'm really fine now" I think its really hard to genuinely wish someone well and happiness until you've found it for yourself and in a place where you can be objective about it.

You have my sympathies, I know it’s hard to miss someone, what were the reasons for your break up, was it your decision? Try and take a hard honest look at the bad times, I know its easy to look back with rose tinted specs at the past and you can eulogise about someone and put them on a pedestal and even if you know you were unhappy, it sometimes very hard to remember exactly what it was you were unhappy about. Maybe those things don't seem important anymore but they did at the time and you can learn from that to make sure when someone else comes along you’ll know what’s really important.

To be blunt, she's engaged and moved on so looking back will not help you; you need to keep faith in the fact that however hurt you are, once you start to develop feelings for someone else the hurt you have now will fade, there really is no other way to extinguish it. Time doesn't heal as much as people think and if you let yourself be stuck in a moment in the past you can stay there forever. So you need to move on, not to recapture what you had before but to make it better. I know that sounds impossible right now but believe me you will fall in love again and it will put things in perspective for you.

 

[Milly]

Sorry to hear about that, Jack. seeing someone you love with someone else is like having your fingernails ripped out - it shouldn't hurt anything like as much as it does. It does get better but unfortunately it takes time. I wish I could give you some practical advice but, sadly, in my experience the only thing you can really do is ride it out and know that one day you'll wake up and be okay about it. Good luck and take care of yourself.

 

[Chris516]

We broke up in March 2009. I know it's been a long time, so you probably find it a little pathetic and ridiculous that i'm actually posting about it. I don't have anyone else to talk to about this though, so that's why i'm here. Basically, for almost 4 years we were inseparable and shared some amazing times together. She was the only girl in my life that i'd ever been close too in that way, and I actually believed that it would last forever. Obviously I was naive, and I feel like an idiot for putting so much love and trust into something that ultimately failed. We ended up drifting apart and despite my best attempts to salvage the relationship, her heart wasn't in it anymore, so she left.

I've been a ghost for the last 3 years, stuck in this intense nostalgic depression, and it's breaking me. To see pictures of her with someone else and to see her so happy, it really makes me... I don't know, it's like the deepest most horrible pain i've ever felt. I can't even say that i'm happy she's happy, because i'm not. I miss her and those feelings, and I want them more than anything else in the world, but I can't.

I know there's nothing anyone can do about it, but I just wanted to get it out...

I know this may sound callous and pathetic. But I think of what could potentially happen to the people in relationships' with my exes'.

My ex-wife cannot handle 'heavy issues'. Yes, I divorced my (ex)wife twelve years ago. But if her boyfriend has a medical problem, just as I did when we were married, he will be in deep trouble. Because my ex-wife will just freeze up again.

My ex-fiance is even worse. We split up five years ago, but now she has become a bigamist. She never got divorced from her first husband(who she never divorced while we were together). Now she married a second man. That makes her a bigamist.

So, I am glad I am not with them.

---

I've been separated from my husband for the past 9 months, and have felt a lot of the same things. I love him, and would prefer that we were still together, but he wanted to go his own way (after 14 years together). And I want him to be happy, but yeah it does hurt to see just HOW happy he is, without me in his life any more.

Anyway just wanted to say I hear you... I hope the pain will eventually lessen, and that you can move on to happier things yourself!

For your sake, I hope your situation is nothing like fmr. New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevey, who cheated on his wife with another man, even after his wife gave birth to their daughter. His wife left him, he resigned from office, and he 'came out', as a homosexual.

 

[doobie]

We broke up in March 2009. I know it's been a long time, so you probably find it a little pathetic and ridiculous that i'm actually posting about it. I don't have anyone else to talk to about this though, so that's why i'm here. Basically, for almost 4 years we were inseparable and shared some amazing times together. She was the only girl in my life that i'd ever been close too in that way, and I actually believed that it would last forever. Obviously I was naive, and I feel like an idiot for putting so much love and trust into something that ultimately failed. We ended up drifting apart and despite my best attempts to salvage the relationship, her heart wasn't in it anymore, so she left.

I've been a ghost for the last 3 years, stuck in this intense nostalgic depression, and it's breaking me. To see pictures of her with someone else and to see her so happy, it really makes me... I don't know, it's like the deepest most horrible pain i've ever felt. I can't even say that i'm happy she's happy, because i'm not. I miss her and those feelings, and I want them more than anything else in the world, but I can't.

I know there's nothing anyone can do about it, but I just wanted to get it out...

What you wrote quite literally mirrors what I went through. We broke up in 2008 though.

I feel your pain.
You are not alone man!

 

[monkeysocks]

I have revisited the past, even though it was a 15 year gap all those initial rejections eat away at you both. At first it was euphoric and doubly magical as you combine old good memories with new ones.

I wish I had just left it as a memory. Because realised why it didn't work in the first place.

My advise it: Treasure your good memories and go out and make new ones

 

[Loser#1]

Jack.... You need to completely let go of that part of your life. It's over, she's moved on, and you need to allow yourself to move on so you can find the same happiness she's found. Any first romance seems like it will last forever, they generally don't. Once they end it can be hard to wrap your head around, especially when you aren't the party that left

We've all had a relationship end that we never thought would. We've probably all stared at the ceiling and wondered why. Whatever the case to be productive and happy you need to move on yourself. Don't worry about what she's doing, worry about what u are doing to not think about it. Stay busy, go
out w friends, talk to ppl if you feel depressed. Anybody will lend an ear to a wounded heart, it's human nature. In that you'll find healing

another thing that may help... If she didn't think you were good enough to be with, why do you still think she's important enough to think about. She's not.... She's one of 20,000,000 women. Go out there and snatch one up