My loneliness story (long read and rantish)

[njlonelydude]

I'm 25yo and I have a few friends, I do talk to people at work and I still live with my parents. I guess in the strictest definition I would not be considered "lonely," but the reality is that I am incredibly alone.

I really hate living at home because I feel that my family is too overbearing for me. Could I afford to get a 1-bedroom apartment...yeah, I think so. But the reason I won't do that is because I'll go absolutely insane and God knows what I'll end up doing if I'm living by myself. I've asked friends if they would like to get a 2-bedroom, but it seems that none of them are up to it. And I'm not willing to live with a stranger.

My issues go even farther than that though. Nobody in my life knows that I feel this way, and it's not something I plan on sharing with them. They can't help me, and I wouldn't trust anyone with this kind of information. I really don't trust anyone, and because of that I've kept my true feelings hidden. It's easy for me to keep things a secret, but it also adds to my loneliness.

Now, why don't I tell my friends/family about this? Two reasons: 1) They wouldn't be able to help me; 2) I don't know how they would react to me being so vulnerable. I have also thought about seeking therapy, but a therapist wouldn't be able to do a damn thing either. Honestly, what would the solution end up being from these people -- to probably put me on some kind of medication. I don't want that though because it will not solve the underlying issue.

It's not that I hate being myself, it's just that I really can't share myself with anyone. Yeah, now I know this sounds like the whole "I need a girlfriend" rant which I guess it is in a way. However, I know that's never going to happen because I am destined to be alone forever. I don't go out to bars/clubs/parties/anything like that because I don't drink and am not much of a partier either. I'm an introverted, shy person so I don't meet new people. Besides that, I'd rather be with someone who likes going to the library (not necessarily in the literal sense, but you get my drift).

What's really sad is that I had opportunities in the past, but I blew them all because I've got to the most stupidest person the planet. Those moments still linger in my mind because it reminds me of different things could've been. Hell, I even tried online dating, and literally no one responded to my profile. I really don't see what could be wrong with me: I'm attractive (worst case scenario is that I'm certainly not ugly), I have a good sense of humor, a good personality, I'm not broke...so I don't think I'm an undesirable mate. Unfortunately though, it seems that everything is aligned against me.

This loneliness has made my life even worse. I don't care about anything in my life anymore because I've got nobody to spend my life with. I can spend the entire day doing nothing because I care about nothing. I hate my job so much, but I won't even bother to get a new one because what's the point? It seems like another empty pursuit to me. I'd get more money to buy more stuff that I don't need. There's other things I need to change, like getting away from my family, but leaving people I dislike to live almost as a recluse seems like a bad idea.

I wish there was someone out there I could open up to, someone I could confide in. Someone who could accept me and really try to help me, not see me as a patient or see what I have as a weakness. I never reveal my emotions to anybody, I never reveal my ideas to anybody, I never reveal my ambitions to anybody...because what's the point? I'm not motivated enough to go through with any of them.

It seems that God, or whatever you might believe in, wants me to spend the rest of my life this way for some reason. I hate it, it eats me up constantly, and I see no cure for it. Is this all my doing...maybe, I don't know.

I wasn't even sure about joining this forum and posting this -- don't see how it's going to help me at all.

 

[QuietGuy]

A very warm welcome to ALL, njlonelydude

I wasn't even sure about joining this forum and posting this -- don't see how it's going to help me at all.

You've done absolutely the right thing. At the very least, you're talking about your problem, which is a great thing in itself. As you said, "Nobody in my life knows that I feel this way". It's a terrible thing to have no-one to talk to about your problem. So well done for having the courage to tell us. And don't worry, your post isn't considered a "long read" on this site - you could've posted twice as much and we wouldn't have minded!

As you say, there's a big difference between being alone and being lonely. Being surrounded by people and still feeling lonely is very common.

If it's any consolation, I'm 27, and I still live with my parents, for various reasons which I won't go into here. Sometimes I really would love to have my own little place in the city, and have my independence. But as you said, I think you could go insane from the utter loneliness of living by yourself. My parents may not know anything about my suffering, but at least they are people in the house to talk to.

You're right that this is not a problem which can be easily fixed with medication or anything. But it's definitely not an unsolvable problem. Don't start saying things like this: "I am destined to be alone forever". No, there's no such thing as destiny. It's a terrible thing to believe in, so stop that line of thinking right now.

I'm exactly the same as you:

I don't go out to bars/clubs/parties/anything like that because I don't drink and am not much of a partier either. I'm an introverted, shy person so I don't meet new people. Besides that, I'd rather be with someone who likes going to the library (not necessarily in the literal sense, but you get my drift).

Nothing wrong with any of that. That's all good stuff. Don't feel bad about your failures with online dating - I've tried that several times too, with no success. I think the success rate of online dating is very low, at least in terms of creating deep long-term relationships. I'm sure it works great for people who are just looking to get laid, but that's not what you and I are looking for.

I know exactly what you mean about not caring about anything any more. On my really bad days, I really can't be bothered to do anything at all. I just think, what's the point? The only solution is to find something that I could care about, and then make myself do it. Like playing my guitar or my piano. Sometimes I don't even feel like doing that, but I make myself do it, and it helps relieve the loneliness a bit. Absorbing yourself, immersing yourself in an activity is a great short-term solution.

What's the long-term solution? Well that's what we're all trying to figure out here. But giving up is definitely not the solution.

I wish there was someone out there I could open up to, someone I could confide in. Someone who could accept me and really try to help me

...and you've come to exactly the right place, my friend, and you're doing exactly the right thing. No-one here will judge you, and everyone will do their best to support you. Again, welcome, and post as often as you need to.

 

[Electric_Fusilier]

Hopefully it will help, njlonelydude. You can stay as anonymous as you like here, and open up, confide, as you see fit. Maybe it'll take some time. Maybe, in the end, you'll decide that this isn't the place for you. Or maybe - as has happened with myself and a good number of other people here - you'll find some people who you'll really connect with, and find a means to open up a bit that way. In any case, I'd recommend giving it a try - stick around, see what happens.

Welcome to the forum, by the way.

 

[njlonelydude]

Only two replies. Heh, I was kind of hoping for a pity party.

No one knows how I truly feel, so it would be nice for others to say they understand, even if it's over the Internet.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Welcome to the forum, NJ. Just FYI...the forum has "slow" times...more people will reply...just be patient.

 

[njlonelydude]

Welcome to the forum, NJ. Just FYI...the forum has "slow" times...more people will reply...just be patient.

LOL, I hear that a lot.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Welcome to the forum, NJ. Just FYI...the forum has "slow" times...more people will reply...just be patient.

LOL, I hear that a lot.

lol, I suppose if you don't have any patience, that remark just makes it worse, doesn't it??

 

[Nina]

NJ--
I just saw your post for the first time. That's the problem sometimes folks just miss seeing a post. You might try wandering around the forum and posting on a few other threads, to more or less, get yourself out there. Sometimes, first time posters come in and never come back or they come back way laterer and spend a few days posting to get reacquainted. Communication is always a two way street. No one can offer you any thoughts unless you give some thoughts on what you are dealing with. I understand that trust is big issue and I completely understand how that makes you hesitate about putting too much out here. I'd honestly like to understand you more.

I myself, have only been here a little over a month. It took a few days of posting to get a feel for folks and for them to get a feel for me. I can honestly say I have made quite a few real friends in here that I want to keep for as long as I hang around this old planet.

I'd love to be a good ear for you and invite you to PM me anytime. There are a lot of good folks on this site but you have to reach out to them too because some of the best ears have issues just like you and they may be slightly hesitant to reach out very quickly with so little to go on.

For you to get the connected feeling you want you might have to trust just a tiny bit, totally anonymous, and reach halfway to meet them.

Again I'm here to listen to you and to offer whatever I can, if you want... I'll be going off in a few minutes because it's geting late in my neck of the woods but I'm on off and on throughout the day,

 

[Yukhi]

God doesn't plan for anyone to spend their lives alone.

Keep your eyes out for more of those opportunities in the future. It's not over till it's over!

And glad you joined our small community

 

[njlonelydude]

God doesn't plan for anyone to spend their lives alone.

Keep your eyes out for more of those opportunities in the future. It's not over till it's over!

And glad you joined our small community

I believe in God, but I sure as hell don't believe in this statement. Some people are destined to have ****** lives. It's unfortunate, but that's just the way it is.

BTW, I'm not sure if we're allowed to use vulgar language on this forum. If we're not, I'll immediately edit my post. But if we are, that makes it easier for me to communicate. I have a pottymouth, for better or worse, and being able to express myself without any restrictions would be nice.

 

[SofiasMami]

God doesn't plan for anyone to spend their lives alone.

Keep your eyes out for more of those opportunities in the future. It's not over till it's over!

And glad you joined our small community

I believe in God, but I sure as hell don't believe in this statement. Some people are destined to have ****** lives. It's unfortunate, but that's just the way it is.

Hi-
Nice to meet you. I'm sorry you're feeling pessimistic these days; I've been there too. You've found a good forum, welcome! I'm from upstate NY and miss hearing east coast accents

Teresa

 

[Electric_Fusilier]

BTW, I'm not sure if we're allowed to use vulgar language on this forum. If we're not, I'll immediately edit my post. But if we are, that makes it easier for me to communicate. I have a pottymouth, for better or worse, and being able to express myself without any restrictions would be nice.

A pottymouth! Splendid! In fact, it is really rather ******* excellent!

 

[EveWasFramed]

lmao.


Note: Pottymouth and pottybrain is something that the majority of us seem to suffer with. Just don't actually call people those names. Well...unless it's an endearment....such as when I call Badjedidude a "funny ******."
But yes, we're all adults here (mostly ) lol.

 

[Yukhi]

Sorry you feel that way njlonelydude. Just try to make the most out of everything then

 

[njlonelydude]

lmao.


Note: Pottymouth and pottybrain is something that the majority of us seem to suffer with. Just don't actually call people those names. Well...unless it's an endearment....such as when I call Badjedidude a "funny ******."
But yes, we're all adults here (mostly ) lol.

Glad we can be pottymouths on here. Being angry all the time and not being able to use profanity ******* sucks.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

Glad we can be pottymouths on here. Being angry all the time and not being able to use profanity ******* sucks.

*******-A right it ******* sucks!

Welcome aboard, Jersey.

 

[njlonelydude]

I feel that everyone in my life has abandoned me: my family, my friends, my former teachers...everyone I know.

My family: I don't particularly care about them abandoning me because I don't like them anyway. However, even though I don't get along with them, I definitely try to help them (even though they don't listen to my advice and hate me for telling them something that goes against their world view).

My friends: Now this does suck. I always help them with ****, even go out of my way to be generous to them...I can't say they'd do the same for me. No, it's not that they're a bunch of ungrateful ********, it's that I listen to them bitch&moan about their problems all the ******* time. But when I feel like doing some bitching&moaning, they don't want to hear any of it. Because of this, I don't really talk to them anymore unless I have to (like if we're hanging out). I even have a friend who's a total loser that I'm always trying to help, but he doesn't want to do ****. Worst of all is that he'll laugh at **** that gets ****** up on my end. I don't know why I talk to this guy for, but I suppose it's better than being alone with my thoughts.

My former teachers: this is one of the worst. There are some teachers who I think were a good influence on me. I know I'm talented, and they knew I was talented -- something good came out of that. Then one day I'm exchanging emails with a former teacher of mine and she's asking how I'm harnessing this talent of mine. I tell her that I'm not because I'm not sure exactly where to start...haven't heard from her since.

My general attitude constantly shifts between "How can I help this person today?" and "**** the world!" Only those two extremes...there is no middle ground. Ya'know what though -- who ******* cares? Nobody can help me deal with this ****, and I sure as hell can't help myself. I'm forever destined to be like tis and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it.


I know I'm being vague in my posts, but that's because I have trust issues. If I'm not willing to tell the people in real life about what's really going on, I won't say much over the Internet either.

 

[Badjedidude]

Well...unless it's an endearment....such as when I call Badjedidude a "funny ******."

Or a "funny fucket." hehe

 

[SofiasMami]

My general attitude constantly shifts between "How can I help this person today?" and "**** the world!" Only those two extremes...there is no middle ground. Ya'know what though -- who ******* cares? Nobody can help me deal with this ****, and I sure as hell can't help myself. I'm forever destined to be like tis and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it.


I know I'm being vague in my posts, but that's because I have trust issues. If I'm not willing to tell the people in real life about what's really going on, I won't say much over the Internet either.

Hi-
I felt the same way for a long time and just recently found a happy medium. In fact, I truly think your situation and outlook will get better eventually as you travel through life and learn who you can trust and who to kick to the curb.
It's fine if you're vague, that's the cool thing about this forum, some people let it all out and some are more mysterious. When you feel comfortable you can tell us more about what's going on. Who knows, maybe if you're lucky, you'll get called a Funny ****


-Teresa

 

[njlonelydude]

Who knows, maybe if you're lucky, you'll get called a Funny ****

Does that mean I **** like a clown or that it's a joke to **** me?
...it's easier for me to tell jokes than to talk about myself.