T
The Quiet Place
Guest
I found this site like a lot of you, i typed i am lonely and found this site. After reading some threads and finding out i wasn't the only one who felt lonely, it gave me the courage to speak out my heart. i have only told one person in the world how i felt and that was a therapist ( i don't know if thats the correct term, i can't remember). i really never felt she understood what i was going through. i lied to her saying i felt better so we could end the sessions just so i didn't have to feel humilitated coming back doing the same exciseres that never helped me. I haven't even told my best friends ashow i feel like they aren't my friends anymore but more like aquiantices. it was in highschool when i lost all my friends and become self conscience about myself all the time and bitter. i had such a tough time in high school. i was always lectured by my parents to do better in school, adn was always by myself on the weekends. i ended up making 2 friends in highschool, dan and jeff, who became my bestfriends. but i never became close to them until the year we were graudating highschool.,but it was also time we began seperating each other. while we still lived relatively close to each other our friendship was splitting slowly apart. my two friends went to two different colleges while i was alone by myself. whenever they came back to visit me i felt distant from them, they had completely changed to a different person while i was still the same person. what made it worse was seeing my friends meeting new people and having the time of their life while i was alone living with my parents at the time being by myself. it just feels like i'm repeating the process i did in highschool. at the moment i moved in an apartment and living by myself and never felt more lonely in my entire life. i don't even want to talk or hang with my friends b/c i know they are different people we have nothing in common. i know stuff in highschool was stupid and everybody experienced something bad from it, but the thing is i can't get over it. i never had a problem being with people. i feel like its plague me b/c i can't open up to people or even make new friends. i know some of you will read this and think this is nothing but there is more to this than what i wrote, its just a little of what has happened in my life. its just i have the hardest time even expressing my feelings and thoughts. i'm not only feeling lonely but depressed. i just can't come up to write anymore. i keep breaking down trying to recollect my feelings. i have burried them so deep to forget them that when i remember i start to cry. i just wanted to write hoping it will relieve the pain.