my lonely life

[The Quiet Place]

I found this site like a lot of you, i typed i am lonely and found this site. After reading some threads and finding out i wasn't the only one who felt lonely, it gave me the courage to speak out my heart. i have only told one person in the world how i felt and that was a therapist ( i don't know if thats the correct term, i can't remember). i really never felt she understood what i was going through. i lied to her saying i felt better so we could end the sessions just so i didn't have to feel humilitated coming back doing the same exciseres that never helped me. I haven't even told my best friends ashow i feel like they aren't my friends anymore but more like aquiantices. it was in highschool when i lost all my friends and become self conscience about myself all the time and bitter. i had such a tough time in high school. i was always lectured by my parents to do better in school, adn was always by myself on the weekends. i ended up making 2 friends in highschool, dan and jeff, who became my bestfriends. but i never became close to them until the year we were graudating highschool.,but it was also time we began seperating each other. while we still lived relatively close to each other our friendship was splitting slowly apart. my two friends went to two different colleges while i was alone by myself. whenever they came back to visit me i felt distant from them, they had completely changed to a different person while i was still the same person. what made it worse was seeing my friends meeting new people and having the time of their life while i was alone living with my parents at the time being by myself. it just feels like i'm repeating the process i did in highschool. at the moment i moved in an apartment and living by myself and never felt more lonely in my entire life. i don't even want to talk or hang with my friends b/c i know they are different people we have nothing in common. i know stuff in highschool was stupid and everybody experienced something bad from it, but the thing is i can't get over it. i never had a problem being with people. i feel like its plague me b/c i can't open up to people or even make new friends. i know some of you will read this and think this is nothing but there is more to this than what i wrote, its just a little of what has happened in my life. its just i have the hardest time even expressing my feelings and thoughts. i'm not only feeling lonely but depressed. i just can't come up to write anymore. i keep breaking down trying to recollect my feelings. i have burried them so deep to forget them that when i remember i start to cry. i just wanted to write hoping it will relieve the pain.

 

[Trent9maynard46n2]

I found this site like a lot of you, i typed i am lonely and found this site. After reading some threads and finding out i wasn't the only one who felt lonely, it gave me the courage to speak out my heart. i have only told one person in the world how i felt and that was a therapist ( i don't know if thats the correct term, i can't remember). i really never felt she understood what i was going through. i lied to her saying i felt better so we could end the sessions just so i didn't have to feel humilitated coming back doing the same exciseres that never helped me. I haven't even told my best friends ashow i feel like they aren't my friends anymore but more like aquiantices. it was in highschool when i lost all my friends and become self conscience about myself all the time and bitter. i had such a tough time in high school. i was always lectured by my parents to do better in school, adn was always by myself on the weekends. i ended up making 2 friends in highschool, dan and jeff, who became my bestfriends. but i never became close to them until the year we were graudating highschool.,but it was also time we began seperating each other. while we still lived relatively close to each other our friendship was splitting slowly apart. my two friends went to two different colleges while i was alone by myself. whenever they came back to visit me i felt distant from them, they had completely changed to a different person while i was still the same person. what made it worse was seeing my friends meeting new people and having the time of their life while i was alone living with my parents at the time being by myself. it just feels like i'm repeating the process i did in highschool. at the moment i moved in an apartment and living by myself and never felt more lonely in my entire life. i don't even want to talk or hang with my friends b/c i know they are different people we have nothing in common. i know stuff in highschool was stupid and everybody experienced something bad from it, but the thing is i can't get over it. i never had a problem being with people. i feel like its plague me b/c i can't open up to people or even make new friends. i know some of you will read this and think this is nothing but there is more to this than what i wrote, its just a little of what has happened in my life. its just i have the hardest time even expressing my feelings and thoughts. i'm not only feeling lonely but depressed. i just can't come up to write anymore. i keep breaking down trying to recollect my feelings. i have burried them so deep to forget them that when i remember i start to cry. i just wanted to write hoping it will relieve the pain.

I'm sorry you feel the way you do. but here at a lonely life your not alone. there are plenty of people here who feel the same way you do.
my intentions in replying to your post are not to help make you better. becuz that would imply you were broken. and need to be fixed. the fact is there is nothing anyone can really say to make your pain go away. becuz the way you feel can only be dealth with by you. all we can do here is let you know that we have compassion for what your going trough. and offer any kind of advice that might help you find a solution to this problem. for most of my life I have felt like you. the pain was too much. and was slowly eating me up inside that I had to change how I let it affect me. and in esence, change my attitude. rather then letting my emotions colapse in on me. I became angry, and spitfull. which is not helpful if you hope to ever make friends. but it was the only way I could deal with my demons. that is, till I found an outlet to express myself. and that outlet was writing. poetry, songs and messages like this one that I am posting. writing has really become my saving grace. so its good that you came in here. and its good that you created this post and let it out. you can't keep these emotions bottled up inside of you. try to be strong. and if you ever need to talk. im always around here.

 

[The Quiet Place]

thanks trent for replying, i really didn't want to say something in the open and have no one hear my voice. it really makes a difference hearing someone experience what something you've gone through. i always thought i was the only one experiencing this pain. it doesn't change the pain but it i would say lessen it. i was wondering trent, did you ever have trouble opening to people? i have such a tough time opening to people. i don't even realize it until afterwords that i actually push people away without evening knowing it.

 

[Jeremi]

Oh, you're definitely not alone. Your story is very similar to my own, in fact. I also had friends in high school that I lost contact with after, and I was left with no one. That was two years ago, and I've decided to move on. I've realized that I can't have a friendship simply based on old high school merits. I also hide my emotions constantly, and I'm very afraid to let someone in. This is troubleing when you want to meet new people, yes, but it's something you have to work at. I prefer to smile and just be happy, no matter what, and I'm doing all right in life right now. I've met a guy at work and we are becoming pretty good friends. He's just awesome, and he actually asks ME if I want to do stuff, unlike my previous "friends". I've never told him anything about my feelings, and I don't think I need to yet. It's not much to brag about, having one friend, but it's a step in the right direction ^^

So my advice to you is to decide on your current situation. You could move on and start a new life, forget about high school and your lost friends and start focusing on making new ones. I know it's not easy to just make new friends like that, but it wont happend unless you make an effort for it. I don't think there's many people on this planet who wouldn't want a new friend. OR, you could decide to repair your broken relationship with your old friends. Call them and ask them if they want to get together, because I don't think they'll be calling you. Perhaps they will, and you'll end up as good friends again, or perhaps they're simply not interested. No matter the outcome, you tried and did your best, and you wont have to worry about it again.

No step is easy, but sadly your situation wont get better unless you're willing to change it. I feel for you. Sometimes I wish all we lonely people here could make our own country somewhere and just all be friends. Maybe one day ^^

 

[suna]

hihi
i m abroad so i kind of lost many friends too. and the busy lifestyle really makes making new friends difficult. it's like... i can know more people, have their phone numbers and so on, but not like the friends i used to have.
but yea i agree that people should just move on. and i want to move to another place too. maybe i ll find some people with the similar dream or goal so yay new friends. meanwhile i ll try to keep myself busy, not to be lonely while being alone...
=) cheers.

 

[brown]

hiyas
ive lost all my friends in high school... but it was because i was heavy into drugs and i just recently quit to change myself and stop self medicating my problems. im in university now and its hard to make friends. ive tried joining clubs and playing sports but it doesnt seem to be working. i think its because i dont smile enough (ive been told by one of my very few friends this) and people see this and dont want to talk to me at all or think im not friendly. i try to talk to the people around me in class but they dont want to talk to me either. i know that its quality not quantity but i dont even have friends to talk to about my problems, i hold it all in and pretend thats its all ok. i feel that im really myself when im by myself... and that make me even more depressed than i was before.

i can relate to you quietplace, i was hospitalized in the depression ward and lied to get out because i thought that place was like prison. i hated the experience and never want to go back there, but i still have the feelings so i dunno what i should do. i dunno when i talk to people if they just sense my problems and want nothing of it or at least it feels that way. i dont open up because i think in my mind that i shouldnt burden someone with my problems and that i would push them away if i told them.

i know i should just keep on trying to meet new people but after you get rejected from someone is just so discouraging...

 

[That Guy]

I understand how you feel. I know what it is like to lose all your friends and having to start over. I was thinking the same things tonight actually. It's 8:00 on a Friday and I have nowhere to be or anyone to talk to. Every I do talk to really isn't close to me. No one calls me on their spare time, save my sister and my cousin. I really am alone a lot and it's starting to get to me.

I never realized how loneliness can affect your life until recently. Lately, I've been going through some incredible stress and depression. I haven't been near a girl in 3 years, I have a **** job, and I can't pay my bills. Not having any near you makes all this much worse. I few weeks ago I went out with my cousin and his friends. At first I was miserable. I sat in the diner with them telling them how ****** things were with me and they really didn't seem to give a **** at all. They even mocked me for some of the things I've done to put myself in this situation. It made me worse. But after a while the subject changed to more mundane things. I found myself enjoying the discussion after a while and when the night was through I realized I was laughing and had completely forgotten about everything that was bothering me. Then I went home to my empty apartment and it all hit me again.

It's amazing what just hanging out with friends can do for you. I just wish I had a few of my own. People are not very trusting in this world it seems. I know I'm not. People seem to make friends early in life and just stick to them. Getting a friend and holding on to them seems harder and harder as the years go on. Maybe it's just my generation. I haven't spoken to anyone from high school and I only talk to maybe 2 people from college every once and a while. It really sucks. I remember there were times in college where people would just come over and visit just because...no reason...just to hang out and see you. Now that I'm out in the "real" world that happens maybe once a year.

I wish I knew what to tell you. I'm terrible at making friends. I think it's a trust issue. But it isn't too tough if you think about it. In fact, I just met someone at work the other day. She's a lot older than me, but when I talk and laugh with her the day goes by so much quicker. All it takes is a little initiative and a smile. Someone's bound to like you.

But just keep coming back and posting about what's going on inside you. I know that ever since I found this place I've been feeling a lot better. Just typing out your problems and getting some perspective can really help you manage them.

 

[Guest]

me too