My lonely story...

[Hmm]

I didn't even know whether to post this or not, but after reading several posts I decided to go ahead posting this. I hope that someone can advise me because my life is going deeper and deeper under ground.
Well, I am not good at talking...english is not my first language also, but you will get the point.

I've been depressed since I was 15, and since then my life turned upside down, I have no friends for about 8 years now, I came to a new country 7 years ago, and this is when I became sick, I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia and up to this day I'm still struggling to recover. I had terrible hallucinations, fear, anxiety, and anger, now it's getting better, but there's still a long way to go. All of this made me lock myself inside my room for 8 years.

All day I occupy myself with the pc, at first I was only reading websites trying to find an answer to my problems, then I discovered youtube, and I made an account and somehow I made friends (online)...then one girl started to talk to me and we became good friends, then one day she said she loves me, and I was so desperate so we started a relationship (online), in the end we wanted to get married, the only problem was that she was in the UK, I didn't lived much far from her but I did not have a passport since I was an immigrant in this country still waiting for the nationality. So I told her to wait until I get it, but after 5 months she finally broke up with me and left me, so I started to feel very desperate again, I was so happy with her, and I thought I found someone who really cares about me, however I was wrong, and once she left I became very lonely again. I didn't know why she did that, but in the end I realized she liked me because of my look only. She wanted a handsome guy only, but she got bored from me very fast. I gave her too much attention.

Then I felt so bad for months that I tried suiciding, twice! But I survived, and after those two attempts I promised to never try killing myself again. But I felt so miserable that I desperately tried to find the same love again (online), I tried to forget her with others, and I had 3 more relationship after her, but all of that made me even more miserable and hurt, they all hurt me in the worst way, I was lied, and betrayed.

So after all that I promised to never even try anything online again...two years have passed since I stopped talking to people online, I feel like things have improved but the crazy thing is that I still think of my ex from UK, I don't understand why. I can't forget her...but I promised to never contact her again, I tried to last year but she didn't replied even after sending her several messages. Anyway, she's the past and I know I have to forget her.

I want to improve my life, I want to get better...I'm still stuck inside my room somehow...mostly because I'm afraid of being judged and I have no motivation nor strength...

How do you get back your energy and motivation for life? I lost it, and I need it back.

Thank you for reading, any advise will be much appreciated.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Welcome Hmm. You're English is pretty damn good.

To answer your question, you just do. You find something in life that motivates you, like a hobby, or join groups, even volunteer your time for a cause you believe in. Anything that gets you out, peeks your interest, and keeps you busy.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Sorry to hear about all the hurt you've been through. Relationships online tend to fizzle out after a while if you dont meet. I've grown to dislike them as well because i prefer someone i can hug and see with my own eyes in person.

 

[kerrberr]

Welcome Hmm. You're English is pretty damn good.

To answer your question, you just do. You find something in life that motivates you, like a hobby, or join groups, even volunteer your time for a cause you believe in. Anything that gets you out, peeks your interest, and keeps you busy.

Why name call the mentally ill and call them sickos? be nice .. they are handicapped and ill .. that name is not nice ..

 

[Pezza]

Welcome Hmm. You're English is pretty damn good.

To answer your question, you just do. You find something in life that motivates you, like a hobby, or join groups, even volunteer your time for a cause you believe in. Anything that gets you out, peeks your interest, and keeps you busy.

Why name call the mentally ill and call them sickos? be nice .. they are handicapped and ill .. that name is not nice ..

Where in his post does it say Sickos? Where in this thread does it say Sickos?

 

[Sci-Fi]

Welcome Hmm. You're English is pretty damn good.

To answer your question, you just do. You find something in life that motivates you, like a hobby, or join groups, even volunteer your time for a cause you believe in. Anything that gets you out, peeks your interest, and keeps you busy.

Why name call the mentally ill and call them sickos? be nice .. they are handicapped and ill .. that name is not nice ..

 

[putter65]

Welcome Hmm. You're English is pretty damn good.

To answer your question, you just do. You find something in life that motivates you, like a hobby, or join groups, even volunteer your time for a cause you believe in. Anything that gets you out, peeks your interest, and keeps you busy.

I was thinking about something similar this morning.

Everybody needs a passion in their life. Mine is golf, I love playing, always have and always will. I also support my local football team. Been going for 35 years !

I'm also interested in so many things, I like reading, learning things about the universe and evolution, stuff like that. If I get down its only for a few days at the most.

There is so much to enjoy in this world !

 

[Hmm]

Why name call the mentally ill and call them sickos? be nice .. they are handicapped and ill .. that name is not nice ..

In what way have I shown that I am handicapped? My writing is much better than yours, and if mental illness means handicap then everyone who is depressed is also handicapped and crazy, since depression is a mental illness, right? Only fools with no brain talk like you. I should insult you the way you insulted me, but I won't because you're 10 years old, I don't want to waste my time with a foolish kid.