My Perpetual Excuses

[AFrozenSoul]

So today I realized something. People often times tell me that I tend to do too much. So recently I have been abusing the idea of "focusing on one thing". For me that one thing is fitness and my physique. I realize now that I am using it as an excuse to not go any further with socializing or mating. You see if I just say "My physical appearance is not where I want it to be". I can keep working out and no one will be any the wiser. What happens when I get there, I am guessing at least 2 years from now. Well then I can say my physical fitness is not where I want it to be. I can say I won't be satisfied till I can RX most crossfit workouts. I am still young I have plenty of time to do it. I figure I have time to focus on two or three things. Thing number two is my website.

My website will die when you pry it from my cold dead hands. I am not giving that up. I love writing my own software, I love designing my own layouts. However, it talks time and that is the hardest part about it. I really hate how hard it is sometimes.. but I guess that is life. I love having an excuse to turn my anime watching into something productive. It is great fun, and I really enjoy it all too much. So like I said, you can have it when you pry it from my cold dead hands. I mean what more can I do other than expand my career.

Finally there is cosplay, that takes up the rest of what I would call my free time... well that and video games. However, cosplay has an applicable use. I can actually have a good skill like Sewing in my useful skills. That is good, plus all the planing and practice and all that kind of jazz. That is how things are sometimes I guess.

So as anyone can see I have no time for a social life or females. Not that I do not want to have sex again some day. It is just that I have these never-ending excuses to keep me locked away and sexless till I kill myself.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

You have the keys to your own prison and freedom.

It's just an invisable wall of fears that you have created.
If you created it...you can take it down anytime you choose.

If you talked yourself out of it...you can talk yourself into it.

Im very sorry that you didnt have a very pretty girl as your first GF
that reached out to you and took you by the hands.
Walk through it with you to ease your fears.
It made a profound difference in my life.
Never the less...I still had to meet her half way. She was scared too.
It was new territory and the unknown for the both of us.

Since we're getting into the subject of fears...
Can you write out exactly what gose through your mind when you got
to that edge of that invisable wall.
You had girls made themselve avaliable to you before.
What exactly was it that stopped you in your tracks.
What was running though your mind.What were you feeling.

Can you recall?

 

[AFrozenSoul]

@Lonesome Crow: First off, the one girl I had was actually very hot, to me anyway. So lets keep that bit of information straight. She ruined me for all the fat chicks out there.

Second, what attention are you talking about? I have had none that did not have some kind of business oriented goal behind it. Like at my running seminar on Saturday. I was standing alone looking for a partner and there was only a female available to be my partner. That was the extent of our interaction. I guess I had a female or two talk to me at anime conventions.

So... lets see.. oh yeah my mind completely shuts off. Aside from one telling me she wanted to get a picture with me in a different costume, of hers, I have no ******* clue what we talked about. I guess if I had to say when I get up to that wall.... I do not know... maybe it is fear that.. hmm I could be proven wrong or even better right? Who knows like I said my brain just shuts off in social situations.

I guess you are right though. I could say "I am fit enough" or "My website is awesome enough" and then sideline those a bit... but I do not, because right now that would be as much of a lie as me saying "I am sexy and females want me".

 

[Lonesome Crow]

will...if she's hot she's hot.
Im only attracted to certain type of women that I think is hot to me.
It's all good.

Sassy ruined me for all the nice girls out there.
Thats harious **** ...dude.

Women likes to play dress up. They have wazooo of outfits and shoes.
They rather buy new clothe than wash them.lmao
If she's hot she'll look good in any outfit to you.
Thats how women express themselve sometimes.
Dye their hair differen colure or wear thier hair in different styles.
Paint thier nails differnt colours...ect.
Its kind of like a hobbie to them..if you see it like that...it's all good.
Even my mom has the closets filled with her clothe all over our house
and then some...She probably has over a 1000 outfit.lol
She's my mother but she's still a girl...thats what girls do.

Do you think you reject first or push people away first becuase you fear getting rejected?
It's actaully more common than you think...if you do that.
Im just asking...Idk what you were thinking and feeling.

Your mind shuts off??
Like you dont know what to do next or trip over your own words...stuff like that?
Nervse????

Was your heart racing?

If it's fear...the feeling of anxiety will actaully turn into ahdreline.
It's kind of like going sky diving. Your scared shitless before you jump
then after you jump....it's totally awsume.

Why would it be a lie?.
You have evidence of women being attracted to you.
You witness it and experinced it first hand.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

lol, you misunderstand what I mean about costumes. I go to anime conventions, I dress up as characters I like. So when I say costume I literally mean it. I guess these girls were competition cosplayers (Costume Play) because they had more than one costume. I just wanted to clarify a little bit.

As for my mind shutting off.. hmmm here is what I mean.

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See the space between the lines? That is what I mean by blank literally nothing. I mean I would not breath if my body did not do it involuntarily. So when I say blank I mean blank. No thoughts, no fears, no anxiety, no confidence, nothing... blank like a piece of new paper.

I guess since I never talk to females, I technically reject them first out of assumption that they would only be interested in me if I bought them a drink. Then after they suck up X amount of drinks that interest will fad to some other ********* they find attractive. So I am doing the rejeciton first, if I take it from how things generally go.

I have evidence of a female being attracted to me ? When, where did this happen?