My Plenty Of Fish Experince

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I really don't value, or want, your opinion, because it is not only useless, but it is offensive.

I find this odd (as well as antagonistic). It makes sense to pay attention to and at least CONSIDER advice from someone who has or has had what you WANT, now doesn't it? Seems to be a no-brainer to me.

At least someone valued him enough to want to marry and have sex with him. I suspect, before he was 30.

He, and I, are NOT the same. No disrespect, but he can't give me advice like he has, because it is useful for divorced guys, not for virgins in their 30's.

 

[EveWasFramed]

.... because it is useful for divorced guys, not for virgins in their 30's.

It's useful for ANYONE who chooses to have an open mind.

---

Bones, you're a divorced man, which gives you greater social value from a woman's perspective. A date or potential date would see a man who another women has wanted; a man who's been validated with female approval at some point in his life.

A single guy who's never had any experience is in a different situation.

OR....

Some people might hold the opposite view - they might feel that the person has already failed at marriage and might not make a good partner. To suggest that "women" assign some kind of "social value" to a man simply because he's been married before isn't typical, nor is it the norm in my experience.
Personally, I don't subscribe to EITHER view.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I try to keep an open mind, but it's hard when it comes to relationships. I admit that.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I really don't value, or want, your opinion, because it is not only useless, but it is offensive.

I find this odd (as well as antagonistic). It makes sense to pay attention to and at least CONSIDER advice from someone who has or has had what you WANT, now doesn't it? Seems to be a no-brainer to me.

At least someone valued him enough to want to marry and have sex with him.

I have no idea why you equate having sex with someone to valuing them but, you do. This baffles me. Sex means different things to different people.

 

[Bones]

Rdor,

Thank you for being cordial with me.

To be honest, I am very shy, have social anxiety, and a lot of other barriers.

The only reason why I got my ex wife - who was extremely beautiful - is because I worked two years for her and had to put away the fear of rejection.

The fear of rejection is my greatest enemy; but there comes a time within my INTJ personality, I have to weigh the consequences of doing nothing or doing something.

Whenever I realize that doing nothing means having no chance as oppose of doing something to increase my chances, it seems to work out in one way or another.

Right now, I need to lose weight, make myself more attractive, improve myself, learn lessons form ALLf, etc to increase the odds of someone liking me due to the types of deficiencies I have.

It is either stay alone forever or do something about it; and now, I only have one more year before I can totally refocus my life on myself because my daughter will be 18 and graduated from high school (even though she is actually in college for her 11th & 12th grade years).

So, for the past three nights, I have been exercising via dancing (at home), doing more yard work, etc to burn more calories.

Bones, you're a divorced man, which gives you greater social value from a woman's perspective. A date or potential date would see a man who another women has wanted; a man who's been validated with female approval at some point in his life.

A single guy who's never had any experience is in a different situation.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Bones, thank you so much for sharing this. It made me understand your viewpoint better, and I'm sorry for attacking you. I was a jerk.

It's true that you have to work for relationships, especially if you're shy and have social anxiety. I've actually had girls throw themselves at me, until they learn I'm shy. Being shy as a guy is like a relationship killer, you just get nowhere after that.

I think something that needs to be realized is that every day can change your life. I recently learned my sister is moving out of my house (and if you've followed my posts, you'd realize how refreshing this is.) I actually feel like I can do things now, and make something of myself. Negativity can fade.

 

[Bones]

No problem Muse. It is a learning experience for everyone. I apologize for being a little harsh too.

Bones, thank you so much for sharing this. It made me understand your viewpoint better, and I'm sorry for attacking you. I was a jerk.

It's true that you have to work for relationships, especially if you're shy and have social anxiety. I've actually had girls throw themselves at me, until they learn I'm shy. Being shy as a guy is like a relationship killer, you just get nowhere after that.

I think something that needs to be realized is that every day can change your life. I recently learned my sister is moving out of my house (and if you've followed my posts, you'd realize how refreshing this is.) I actually feel like I can do things now, and make something of myself. Negativity can fade.

 

[Alonewith2cats]

Based on my experience I too can say that the only women who get hundreds of messages while the men are getting zero and having to send out lots to get one response, are hot women in their 20s. I'm 39. I also have messaged men with no replies and I accept it with grace because I also don't reply to messages from strangers I'm not attracted to. That's just the way on-line dating is. Dating people you don't know is scary enough without the awkwardness of no chemistry dates or worse, having to dodge a kiss or let them know in person you're not attracted to them when they make a move. At least I never lead anyone on. After all people don't join these sites to make friends so I have to be attracted to someone's profile to accept a date and I can accept just as many no replies as I give out.

Don't take it personally. You're probably better off finding someone special in real life. Use on-line dating as a tool, to increase your possibly maybes, but by all means don't pour your heart into it. I don't.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I had trouble on dating sites when I was in my early 20's, too, Alone. I am a geeky guy with glasses and not all that attractive. That is probably why, women were unwilling to look past the picture at my profile.

 

[ardour]

Based on my experience I too can say that the only women who get hundreds of messages while the men are getting zero and having to send out lots to get one response, are hot women in their 20s. I'm 39. I also have messaged men with no replies and I accept it with grace because I also don't reply to messages from strangers I'm not attracted to. That's just the way on-line dating is. Dating people you don't know is scary enough without the awkwardness of no chemistry dates or worse, having to dodge a kiss or let them know in person you're not attracted to them when they make a move. At least I never lead anyone on. After all people don't join these sites to make friends so I have to be attracted to someone's profile to accept a date and I can accept just as many no replies as I give out.

Don't take it personally. You're probably better off finding someone special in real life. Use on-line dating as a tool, to increase your possibly maybes, but by all means don't pour your heart into it. I don't.

Men should read this. You can't expect women to reply or show interest if they have absolutely no attraction to you (based on a photo or how you express yourself on profile). Since you probably wouldn't do that either, you can't really blame them.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Based on my experience I too can say that the only women who get hundreds of messages while the men are getting zero and having to send out lots to get one response, are hot women in their 20s. I'm 39. I also have messaged men with no replies and I accept it with grace because I also don't reply to messages from strangers I'm not attracted to. That's just the way on-line dating is. Dating people you don't know is scary enough without the awkwardness of no chemistry dates or worse, having to dodge a kiss or let them know in person you're not attracted to them when they make a move. At least I never lead anyone on. After all people don't join these sites to make friends so I have to be attracted to someone's profile to accept a date and I can accept just as many no replies as I give out.

Don't take it personally. You're probably better off finding someone special in real life. Use on-line dating as a tool, to increase your possibly maybes, but by all means don't pour your heart into it. I don't.

Men should read this. You can't expect women to reply or show interest if they have absolutely no attraction to you (based on a photo or how you express yourself on profile). Since you probably wouldn't do that either, you can't really blame them.

The thing I don't understand is, can you tell what a girl is attracted to by how attractive she is?

Are there such things as dating leagues?

 

[theraab]

The thing I don't understand is, can you tell what a girl is attracted to by how attractive she is?

Are there such things as dating leagues?

No. I've posted my story about making assumptions about leagues twice before so I won't post it again - but don't assume that an attractive girl is out of your league. The flip side of that, don't assume a less attractive girl will be interested just because she is less attractive.

The only way to find out if a girl is attracted to you is by talking to her.

 

[Poguesy]

Door....Open....World

 

[Alonewith2cats]

The thing I don't understand is, can you tell what a girl is attracted to by how attractive she is?

Are there such things as dating leagues?

No. I've posted my story about making assumptions about leagues twice before so I won't post it again - but don't assume that an attractive girl is out of your league. The flip side of that, don't assume a less attractive girl will be interested just because she is less attractive.

The only way to find out if a girl is attracted to you is by talking to her.

I agree. The idea of leagues is such a stuck up concept. Chemistry and attraction is tricky and has nothing to do with leagues. You can find someone very attractive that others don't like a painting you appreciate as fine art but others don't and something very beautiful to most may not be attractive to someone. I don't go on dating websites believing I'm better than someone because I don't want to date him. And I get my fair share of on-line "rejections" meaning no responses to messages I send out to people too. Online dating is a numbers game, a ton of complete strangers you never met in real life and they never met you so never take it personally. As women we're often playing it safe when we don't reply, well that's me anyway. Perhaps there really are quite a few high maintenance, stuck up "princesses" on the dating sites, I don't know.

I know that I would prefer to meet someone in person, talk to him a few times, find a connection and then date him, the old fashioned way rules IMHO. The only reason I even bother with dating sites is to increase the possibly maybe, you never know since the old fashioned way of meeting someone doesn't happen very often these days.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

The old fashioned way does happen. People are just impatient.

Which goes into the whole "Me me me!" culture that is online dating. People don't want to respond because they simply don't want to see if there is anything there.

I'm going by my own experiences here.

 

[blackdot]

one thing I've noticed about dating website (something a female friend of mine also pointed out to me) is that people on dating websites seem bounce from person to person very frequently because there is always bound to be someone better on there than the person you just met. They forget that the person on the other end has feelings.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Yes, it is like a game.

People who are serious on internet dating sites tend to get really hurt easily. Thus, they become jaded against dating.

 

[Solivagant]

Sure, women have it "easier" in attracting "interest," as long as you count interest things like:

unsolicited cock photos
Highly intellectual comments like "hey mama your [sic] hawttt wanna get it on?" "You seem smart. I liek [sic] intelligance woman" or"wanna suck my cock?"

Ha, so true.

I've been on 8 different dating sites, including Plenty of Fish. I've sent many messages, but have never received a reply. I've only ever been sent one message. I had what seemed like a nice (though short) conversation with this person, he asked to exchange emails and phone numbers so we could talk more the next day, and then I never heard from him again.

Sooo yeah, no such luck. It's not accurate to say that women automatically have it easier in the dating world just by being women.