My story...

[jellybelly]

Goodness how pretentious does that sound

Well, where to start ? I guess a physical description ? I am 5'10, around 15 stone now (used to be 17 but got my arse in gear on that problem), muscular, dark hair, tattoos down each arm, relatively good looking although it makes me cringe to say that, now does that sound like someone who could be lonely and, dare i say it, sometimes afraid of the outside world ?

Phew, truth time.

When i was younger i used to be very, very shy, i couldn't even say "thanks" to a bus driver and i had the irritating problem of blushing severely. As i grew i lead a comfortable life i suppose, i had some friends then around high school i seemed to hit rock bottom. I did 'know' people but never had anyone to call a true friend, never had any interest off girls etc. I had one girlfriend that didn't last long because i simply didn't know what to do. I took to spending most of my later school life playing truant and just going to the local woods or lake and being by myself. I eventually left school and went to college. Again i sort of knew people but didn't have any regular friends, i didn't get on with or speak to ANYONE in my class which was very hard to live through. Eventually i left because my mother was struggling with bills and such because we where a one parent family i took it upon myself to help as much as i could so got work through an agency.

Throughout my 'working' life again i never seemed to fit in anywhere, always went home by myself and always had dinner by myself. I never got any stick for this which surprised me somewhat but it was very uncomfortable none the less. Around a certain age i started going out on the town with 'friends' (i say that because even though i knew them, some from childhood, i never fit in), i was around 20 years old i think, yep a late starter. Now despite my shyness i managed to get some girlfriends but the relationships never lasted too long, there was always something better for them you see.

Fast forward to now, i am married and have a beautiful little girl, i am very thankfull for this but at the same time i am sometimes questioning why i managed to get this far. My shyness seems to have evaporated as well as my blushing, well there are the odd times, but now i am in a sort of rut which i will try to explain the best i can...

I still don't have any friends and the ones i used to know have all gone off on their own paths in life. I have become exceedingly paranoid and sometimes find it very hard to leave the house, even picking my little girl up from school is hard sometimes because everyone in the playground is laughing and joking whilst i seem to be the only one stood by themselves. I have settled into a couldn't care less attitude because it has been so long without interaction from other people. Even if i did want to try and get in with other people i would find it hard because i don't speak much nowadays and feel i don't have anything of interest to say, think of me as one of those types where someone would say something then my reply would be something like "huh, yeh" then the tumble weeds would proceed to roll across our path ha,ha. When i look at myself from the outside in i suppose i must seem very ignorant but believe me i am not. I DON'T want my frame of mind or personality to rub off onto my little girl i mean because of me she suffers to an extent, it is pretty much just me, my wife and little girl against the world sometimes and it's very tough.

Apologies for the amount of text here, this is probably the only time i have poured my heart out like this, sorry :rolleyes2:

 

[Barbaloot]

It's always quite difficult to make friends, but I think it becomes a lot more difficult when you're married. Do you find it easier to make friends online? Do you have any interests or hobbies? Sometimes making friends online based off a shared interest is a good place to start. And at least when they're in your country there is the possibility of being able to someday meet them.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

My youngest went through a little depression stage at the age of 4 becuase all the kids
went off to school and she was left alone with no one her own age to play with.
I spent a lot of time with her...but it wasnt the same as her being with kids
her own age. Id use to take her 1 hour before school got out and let her run around
the play ground before the rest of the kids got out of school or take her to Mcdonals
and let her run around in the playhouse if other younger kids where around.

At the sametime...it's also why she and I have a good relationship later on in life.
That bonding stage i had with her. She had always been very closed to me.

Then we move out to the country....a street with houses.
Luckiely...there where other kids around the same age as my girls.
I felt it was safe enough for my girls to roam around the neighbourhood
or know the other kids parents. Sometimes other children would come
and play at our house. Luckiely the house we were renting was settle up
to raise children. It bascailly had lots of play ground equipements and a big playhouse.

Sometimes well just tell our girls to go hang out with thier friends get socialable for an hour
or two. Thats becuase thier mother and really need to have freaky sex
and let it all hang out every now and then.lmao

Anyway what did that do with my own personal social life????
I had none.lmao I was such a grwon up...FFS
It was all family centered. My gf spent most of her time taking
and picking up the girls from school and taking them to whatever
activities the girls where into after school. Her friends???.
They were mothers too...doing the samething.
So they wernt best...best friends...simply just friendly people she befriended going
through that phase or stage of thier lives rasing younger children.

I simply went to work, came home, play with my girls, help them with thier
home work. On the weekends..we usually just take the girls to the drive in
or other family events avaliable. Then spend my weekends mowing the yard,
maintaining the automobiles. Every now and then my gf would get
me a model rocket kit. Id build it and go lunch it with my girls.
I had an ATV and a Ko-kart. My girls loves the ko-karts.
The youngest can actaully disassemble an engine and put it back together at the age of 5.lmao
To her is was just a puzzle....
Yes...at one piont in my life..talking about tits N ass and looking at women as a sexaully
object was piontless.
And that's what it felt like a lot of times for me...My girls, me and my gf against the world.

Yes, i used to run around party hardy. Chase different women
and dont know who the hell I'll wake up with the next day and didnt cared.

Everynow and then I'll got fleeding thoughts of just wanting to hang out with
the boys...but it would be unhealthy for the relationship and the type of relationship
I was in at that time.

Anyway...I went through that stage too...being Mr mom.
1 year.....
I just had to look at the bigger picture. It was my duaghter's
well being that was important to me. I could really care less
what the world thinks. And there's not a lot of men that's
gonna understand that...becuase most of us are the bread winner
of the household as I had to do to provide a loving home and
a safe enviornment for my girls to grow up in.
Which causes conflict or is a balacning act...becuase my employer
was rather demanding of me too. Making work over time, making take
my work home...ect. I spent half of my sundays loading data into
my laptop for work...ffs But if i wanted to make a decent living
and provide for my children and family...i had to make sacrifies
somewhere...which in itself drove my gf and I apart.
I needed time with her too....to have a relationship with her.

I simply just didn have time to go hang out and socialize.
There was alot on my plate enough as it was....

What helped me to put my mind at ease was reading the book 7 habits of effective people.
Becuase the authror went into explaining....focus centered.
Some people are family centered. Other's career centered. Other's social centered...ect
Some of us will ulter our center or life style more than others in a life time.
It's all a matter of perfernce. Stages of our lives combines with with what we want.
Our morals and values will also shift accordingly. Becuase morals and values arnt universal.

Im single again..Ive gone through that emptyness syndrom too. The children are all young adults.
Ive gone through trying to reconcile lost love or trying to reunit with my HS sweet heart too.

A single person isnt bond by the same rules/guidelines as a person that's married.
I can stair and talk about tits and ass all day...i dont have a commited partner that's going to get jealous.