Need advice on how to fit in with a group

[cicerolion]

When worse comes to worse, as long as you keep a calm about yourself, silence can be less off putting than over performing.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

Sounds like good advice, Muse. But with social anxiety and panic attacks, nothing is ever simple (You probably know at least partly what I mean). Even thinking of responses can be difficult sometimes. In truth, I've accepted that I will never have friends, except for maybe one or two people online. I'm quiet, weird and emotional, and that is not attractive to most people.

But still, it is good advice. I might be able to become a good listener, and this gathering might be good practice.

Thanks, Felix. You're right, everyone will just be chilling. Most people would find it fun. I really do hate myself because I can't. At least its not a wedding or something big like that.

Sorry guys, I'm depressed tonight. I try and stay positive on this forum and among people, but when I get home from work every night, the reality of how lonely and screwed up I am sits in. I'm just so tired of pretending that I can be normal, its exhausting.

I totally can relate to this. Most of the time whenever I'm in groups I tend to be very quiet and stick to myself. My mind wonders half the time and I can't seem to ever relax whenever I'm around a group of people. Wish I could give you some type of advice cause I know it's hard to relax whenever you get in situations like this.

Whenever I'm in a group of people though, I just listen most of the time. And if I have something to say, I'll let it be known. And trying to be act like everything is okay is pretty tiring. Just letting you know you're not alone, I've been suffering with anxiety and social anxiety ever since I was younger. I hate big crowds and I avoid the mall on weekends especially.

 

[Locke]

I totally can relate to this. Most of the time whenever I'm in groups I tend to be very quiet and stick to myself. My mind wonders half the time and I can't seem to ever relax whenever I'm around a group of people. Wish I could give you some type of advice cause I know it's hard to relax whenever you get in situations like this.

Whenever I'm in a group of people though, I just listen most of the time. And if I have something to say, I'll let it be known. And trying to be act like everything is okay is pretty tiring. Just letting you know you're not alone, I've been suffering with anxiety and social anxiety ever since I was younger. I hate big crowds and I avoid the mall on weekends especially.

Thank you, I'm glad someone understands! I'm sorry you have to go through it too.

I've probably been sending mixed messages in this thread. I will be myself, everyone has convinced me of that. and I'll keep in mind all of the advice about talking to people. But I probably won't be happy because of reasons similar to what WallflowerGirl posted. Because of that, I can't completely be myself. I might have to pretend that I'm having a good time, and doing that is tiring.

Sorry, I complain way too much. I've gotten a lot of good advice from this thread, and I think it'll all work out okay. Maybe these social things will even get easier after a while.

 

[Runciter]

Sorry, I complain way too much. I've gotten a lot of good advice from this thread, and I think it'll all work out okay. Maybe these social things will even get easier after a while.

Everything gets easier after some time, it just takes practice. It's fine that you still have concerns about it, I'm just glad that you're not dreading it and working yourself up over it. There's nothing you can do about it until the day and having a positive attitude in the days leading up to it will leave you in a much better position to make a good impression. The only person you really have to impress is your girlfriend and seen as she is your girlfriend already, you must be doing something right!

 

[Locke]

The only person you really have to impress is your girlfriend and seen as she is your girlfriend already, you must be doing something right!

Yeah, but I'm extremely attractive. According to another recent thread, that might or might not be the most important thing!

 

[Runciter]

Oh, and don't forget to give her a firm, open-handed slap on the backside in front of them. This is a good way of asserting your dominance and showing them that you're the new boss. It might also be worth urinating on their furniture so they know it is now yours, do not let them use your new furniture without permission though, chase them off if need be. They well respect you for it and it will drive her crazy because all women love to be be objectified in front of their family.

 

[Edward W]

Oh, and don't forget to give her a firm, open-handed slap on the backside in front of them. This is a good way of asserting your dominance and showing them that you're the new boss. It might also be worth urinating on their furniture so they know it is now yours, do not let them use your new furniture without permission though, chase them off if need be. They well respect you for it and it will drive her crazy because all women love to be be objectified in front of their family.

^ Oh yes, do this! But please video it for us all!

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Just remember that everybody has trouble fitting in. Even the social butterflies.

Once I realized that, I felt like less of a freak.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I try and stay positive on this forum and among people, but when I get home from work every night, the reality of how lonely and screwed up I am sits in. I'm just so tired of pretending that I can be normal, its exhausting.

I know the feeling all too well. The fact that I stay online so much when I come home from work just says it really. *hugs*
Not sure how to get rid of these moments, but I just try to do things to distract myself.

Oh, and don't forget to give her a firm, open-handed slap on the backside in front of them. This is a good way of asserting your dominance and showing them that you're the new boss. It might also be worth urinating on their furniture so they know it is now yours, do not let them use your new furniture without permission though, chase them off if need be. They well respect you for it and it will drive her crazy because all women love to be be objectified in front of their family.

Rofl.

 

[Locke]

Oh, and don't forget to give her a firm, open-handed slap on the backside in front of them. This is a good way of asserting your dominance and showing them that you're the new boss. It might also be worth urinating on their furniture so they know it is now yours, do not let them use your new furniture without permission though, chase them off if need be. They well respect you for it and it will drive her crazy because all women love to be be objectified in front of their family.

^ Oh yes, do this! But please video it for us all!

Okay, but I'll have to sell the tape for $2O each. After they all beat me to a bloody pulp, I'll need the cash for hospital bills.

Maybe I'll make it into a series! 'World's Most Socially Inept Man'! With Runciter's continued wisdom, I'll be rich!

I know the feeling all too well. The fact that I stay online so much when I come home from work just says it really. *hugs*
Not sure how to get rid of these moments, but I just try to do things to distract myself.

Thanks, Lady. I'm just grateful that I can be myself on this forum.

 

[Runciter]

Okay, but I'll have to sell the tape for $2O each. After they all beat me to a bloody pulp, I'll need the cash for hospital bills.

Maybe I'll make it into a series! 'World's Most Socially Inept Man'! With Runciter's continued wisdom, I'll be rich!

My cut is 20% and I'm not contributing towards "medical bills," I don't see why I should be punished because you live in an uncivilized country that doesn't realize the benefit of socialized medical care.

[In movie trailer narration voice]
Next time on: The World's Most Socially Inept Man! Find out which 3 of Lockes bones are broken for offering to buy his girlfriend off of her family for 3 goats, a blue car door and half a can of beer that was open a week ago and may contain human piss. Only on A Lonely Life TV. [fast and quite:] Brought to you by Runciter Inc. All rights reserved. Program may differ from description. No refunds will be given.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Locke, have you ever watched the Tourettes' guy? Surely you couldn't be more embarrassing than that!

Bob Saget!

 

[Locke]

lmao! Runciter, I think we've come up with a good reality TV show! But yes, the world must be punished for America's mistakes!! Weren't you paying attention when Bush was president?

Lol Muse, I saw his comedy central roast, so much more crazy than I thought he woul be. Do you think Bob Saget will be my stunt double?

 

[Runciter]

Weren't you paying attention when Bush was president?

The only thing I paid attention to during the Bush administration was how Tony Blair followed him around and did everything he asked like some kind of obsessed little, petty, sniveling, spineless, warmongering excuse for a man. What a waste of sperm they both were.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Tony Blair sold his soul to the devil a long time ago.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

I totally can relate to this. Most of the time whenever I'm in groups I tend to be very quiet and stick to myself. My mind wonders half the time and I can't seem to ever relax whenever I'm around a group of people. Wish I could give you some type of advice cause I know it's hard to relax whenever you get in situations like this.

Whenever I'm in a group of people though, I just listen most of the time. And if I have something to say, I'll let it be known. And trying to be act like everything is okay is pretty tiring. Just letting you know you're not alone, I've been suffering with anxiety and social anxiety ever since I was younger. I hate big crowds and I avoid the mall on weekends especially.

Thank you, I'm glad someone understands! I'm sorry you have to go through it too.

I've probably been sending mixed messages in this thread. I will be myself, everyone has convinced me of that. and I'll keep in mind all of the advice about talking to people. But I probably won't be happy because of reasons similar to what WallflowerGirl posted. Because of that, I can't completely be myself. I might have to pretend that I'm having a good time, and doing that is tiring.

Sorry, I complain way too much. I've gotten a lot of good advice from this thread, and I think it'll all work out okay. Maybe these social things will even get easier after a while.

Nah! I don't think you complain. To be honest- again I feel like I'm a big nag and seem to annoy everyone. It's most likely I believe that I may suffer from low self esteem and lack of confidence. Glad you decided to reach out, for most people it's hard. I'm glad you've gotten a lot of support and advice on here. Keep letting us know how you're doing.

If you ever need to vent or someone to talk too, send me a pm, I'll be willing to listen. And always happy to helping others. =)

 

[Locke]

Nah! I don't think you complain. To be honest- again I feel like I'm a big nag and seem to annoy everyone. It's most likely I believe that I may suffer from low self esteem and lack of confidence. Glad you decided to reach out, for most people it's hard. I'm glad you've gotten a lot of support and advice on here. Keep letting us know how you're doing.

If you ever need to vent or someone to talk too, send me a pm, I'll be willing to listen. And always happy to helping others. =)

You're probably right - it probably is a self esteem issue. It's just so hard to tell what others are thinking. It is hard for me to reach out on this forum too - I feel ignored sometimes, probably because I post stupid stuff or annoy people or I'm just not liked. I know I've annoyed or offended a couple of people on ALL without meaning to - hopefully they'll forgive me for that someday. I want to unregister my account every day, but I keep going because I don't have anyone else to talk to about this stuff.

Thank you! I will take you up on that, and I'm always ready to listen too.

 

[Runciter]

@Locke and Wallflower
You might sometimes think that you annoy other people here and I can only speak for myself but I'd like to point out that I think you're both great people and your thoughts are probably more to do with what's inside your own head that what people actually think of you. Please don't leave us, this forums would be worse off for losing either of you.

 

[Lippy_Kid]

It’s a common fear meeting friends of partners; you feel you’re on trial as to whether you're suitable.

The way I look at it, either as the person bringing a partner to the group, part of the group or the person being introduced to the group is that all a group of friends care about is that they're friend is happy. In a sense people will be keen to meet you but its not YOU that they're overly interested in, its more how you and your partner get along, do you treat her well? Do you get her like they do? Can they see you're both happy together?

Just switch the tables round and see yourself in that group, wouldn't that be all you care about? Would you really care if this new person was quiet or socially awkward or would you be more interested to see how they got along with your friend, if they can see that you make her happy and she is in a place she wants to be then you have nothing more to prove. Generally the rule of thumb with friends is "if they're happy, I'm happy"

I've met loads of shy quiet and awkward people in my life, I've never held it against them and I'm sure no one else here yourself included has either.

When you get there it’s really the group’s responsibility to make you feel included, you don't have to initiate conversations or be funny. Just be yourself and if that means being shy so be it, it’s not a crime and people will know from their own experiences it can be quite daunting. Just take it as an opportunity to see another side to your girlfriend; how at ease she will be around her friends it can be an attractive quality seeing people at their most comfortable. Just take your time and hopefully by the end of the evening you'll feel a little bit more part of things and I'm sure people will see you care a lot for their friend and make her happy, so all good.

 

[Locke]

@Locke and Wallflower
You might sometimes think that you annoy other people here and I can only speak for myself but I'd like to point out that I think you're both great people and your thoughts are probably more to do with what's inside your own head that what people actually think of you. Please don't leave us, this forums would be worse off for losing either of you.

Hey, thanks man! I'm happy that you're here too. I know some of what I think is just all in my head, but it's hard to tell sometimes.

It’s a common fear meeting friends of partners; you feel you’re on trial as to whether you're suitable.

The way I look at it, either as the person bringing a partner to the group, part of the group or the person being introduced to the group is that all a group of friends care about is that they're friend is happy. In a sense people will be keen to meet you but its not YOU that they're overly interested in, its more how you and your partner get along, do you treat her well? Do you get her like they do? Can they see you're both happy together?

Just switch the tables round and see yourself in that group, wouldn't that be all you care about? Would you really care if this new person was quiet or socially awkward or would you be more interested to see how they got along with your friend, if they can see that you make her happy and she is in a place she wants to be then you have nothing more to prove. Generally the rule of thumb with friends is "if they're happy, I'm happy"

I've met loads of shy quiet and awkward people in my life, I've never held it against them and I'm sure no one else here yourself included has either.

When you get there it’s really the group’s responsibility to make you feel included, you don't have to initiate conversations or be funny. Just be yourself and if that means being shy so be it, it’s not a crime and people will know from their own experiences it can be quite daunting. Just take it as an opportunity to see another side to your girlfriend; how at ease she will be around her friends it can be an attractive quality seeing people at their most comfortable. Just take your time and hopefully by the end of the evening you'll feel a little bit more part of things and I'm sure people will see you care a lot for their friend and make her happy, so all good.

My girlfriend and I do treat each other well, and we are happy together. So if that's what they base any judgements on, I won't have to worry. And I think you're right; people won't judge me because I'm shy. Everything that you posted has made me feel a lot better, so thank you!

What I am still worried about is the socially awkward part. I get anxiety attacks when I'm around people, and that combined with being a social idiot means that I often say or do things that are downright dumb. I sometimes can't tell when I've said something stupid, or the anxiety is making me think I've said something stupid.

So the anxiety and awkwardness causes me to do something dumb (or think that I have), which causes more anxiety......it just keeps going like that. The only real way to fight it is to face my fear, work on my social skills and hope that it'll get easier. But I am a lot less worried about carrying on conversations after reading your post. If I can keep control of my emotions and not worry, I think it'll be okay.