Need relationship advice

[NoMoreHope]

Okay heres the story..
I have been with my girlfriend for 1 1/2 years and for the last couple of months we started arguing more and more. She always complains that i am not who i used to be at the beggining of our relationship. And i agree. I use to be excited everytime we would see each other but now i dont look forward to it. I dont think i love her anymore. And so recently i went out with my friends and we drank and meet other people. And i have found a girl and started talking to her and the next thing you know we were kissing at the back of a car in the parking area. So now my feelings are really messed up because i dont want to leave my girlfriend because i am afraid to feel alone and i am afraid i will hurt her so.much. but now i cant stop thinking about the girl i met. I dont know what to do...

 

[ladyforsaken]

1. You lost interest in your girlfriend - you should be honest and tell her this in a nice way.
2. You went out and cheated on her - you don't seem to feel bad having done this?
3. You don't want to leave your girlfriend... but you don't think you love her anymore.. because you are afraid of being alone? Selfish, in my opinion.
4. The new girl - I'm assuming this means you have exchanged contacts etc with her?

You don't want to hurt your girlfriend. News flash: you already have by cheating on her with that new girl.

My advice? Tell her the truth, about your feelings, about what you did and if you really have no feelings for your girlfriend anymore, let her go because otherwise, you will only hurt her even more later on. Especially now that you're saying you can't stop thinking about this new girl.

And about being afraid to be alone, you should've thought of that before doing what you did.

 

[NoMoreHope]

I have told her that i didnt have the same feeling as i had before... But i told her i am willing to try and work this relationship out, and i am. But having said this she changed. She is always irrirated to me and she always expect me to comfort her all of the time and she almost controls me to the point that i cant feel or do anything but impress her. And its not fun or happy for me anynore...

 

[ladyforsaken]

Then why are you making each other's lives miserable? Afraid of being alone? Well it seems that you won't have much of a problem with that, right?

 

[VanillaCreme]

You shouldn't be or stay with someone for the sole reason of not wanting to be alone. If you're unhappy, by any means, you need to tell her so.

 

[NoMoreHope]

I dont think so... i am so confused as to what to do. Becaude if i let her go i know i woud regret it...

 

[ladyforsaken]

Why would you regret it if you are unhappy with her now?

 

[GraceBlossom]

People change and evolve. Sometimes in a relationship they become too different to make it work anymore, even if you loved each other. These things are never easy to let go of. I think you know what you want, but you are afraid to do it.

 

[NoMoreHope]

I am afraid i will regret it because maybe i dont know what i have till its gone. I still want to trt to work it out but i really cant stop thinking about the girl...

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I am afraid to do it because i dont think it is the right choice..

 

[Rosebolt]

Leave your girlfriend, but don't get in another relationship, you need to fix yourself first.

You will feel bad about your girlfriend, and miss her, but this is short term. I have only seen you say not so good things about your girlfriend on this thread, meaning that not leaving will, in the end, cause more pain.

Mere crushes won't get you anywhere.

 

[theglasscell]

I agree with Sai that you should leave her if you really don't feel into her.

And also it's good to take a break and figure out what you really want in a person before you get involved in another relationship.

Sometimes you can see problems that aren't there and the relationship could be worth fixing, but that would require talking to her openly about everything and what issues you have. Sometimes I feel like people run from relationships when they get hard and love isn't always supposed to be easy. But even then it could just mean taking a month off and then seeing how you feel.

Either way hooking up with other people while you are with her won't do you any good, it will hurt her and you might end up having guilt over it.

If you break up with her I think it would be better not to tell her about that, it's going to be over anyway, it's better to spare her the pain of feeling betrayed.

My friend found out his girlfriend cheated on him while they were together but he didn't know it happened until they'd already been broken up for a year, and it still upset him.

Either way, don't be afraid to be alone, you don't have to be in a relationship, take care of yourself first.

You don't have children with this girl right?

And you aren't married, so you first obligation is to yourself.

 

[NoMoreHope]

Thank you all for your advice. I made a huge mistake and i should not have done it. I absolutely agree that i need to fix myself first before i try to work out a relationship. She really helped me realize a lot of things about myself and i really appreciate her ofr that but i cant stay with her because i make her life miserable. I am too selfish immature scared not a man enough to handle our relationship. I told her rhat maybe some time apart i could assess all of the things. It is definitely a lesson learned. But i am realky sad that i made a desicion like this.

---

Gladly no commitment yet or any children.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I think you are making the right choice. Keep your chin up, and well, yeah, learn from this. :\ Good luck.

 

[LoneKiller]

Nevermind. I was talking out of my ass.

 

[NoMoreHope]

Now shes being really clingy. She wont let me go. Now that i have said that i am not happy anymore and i am not ready to handle a relationship. She keeps telling me i ruined her life and that she thought we were going to be forever. She also asked me to tell her whole famliy about it and my family as well. This is the thing i didnt like, i feel like i am being forced by her to do something i am not happy doing. Is that selfish? :|

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

That's not selfish. She is the one clinging.

You shouldn't stay in a relationship if it is emotionally draining. It's best to let this one go.

 

[VanillaCreme]

She's emotional right now. She'll realize one day exactly what it means to rather be happy and not in a relationship, than to be in one and not happy.

 

[ladyforsaken]

^Yeap. And it's always tougher dealing with stuff emotionally.

 

[NoMoreHope]

Im so down right now i feel like i cant lean on someone. And i cant get back to her because i regret cheating on her and i feel guilty to come back to her because i know what i did js so wrong and i just cant ruin her like that.

 

[Okiedokes]

I think you two need a break from each other meaning no communication for awhile. A time to think about things and also to refresh your mind about what all has happened. I agree with everyone else it's not good to stay with someone because you are afraid of being alone. That's not fair for either of you. I suggest giving it some time and I don't think getting with other girls is the best thing for you right now. You definitely need to focus on you right now and your life.