Needy for life - no chance of a healthy relationship

[Lost_in_necropolis]

An addendum: I will say again that I relate a lot to what The SkaFish wrote. I feel that I am starved of intimacy more so than I am inherently lacking in something, although I do think my family upbringing and my DNA disposes me toward depression and anxiety. Although I fall into periods of self pity, the conclusion that I usually end up drawing is the same. The only real game in town is self improvement as an end in and of itself. It is every person's birthright to strive to be the best version of himself/herself that is possible. If each of us holds to that goal and honors our own vision for ourselves, we will more likely than not project the image of someone who is strong and capable. The trick is to cultivate ourselves for the right reasons, namely for our own sense of self-worth. If we do it for some end goal, whether it be attracting a partner or something else, this would still constitute needy behavior and will not yield any positive results.

 

[Meaw]

Only suffering from it cos I ain't got anyone XD
To be a bit more serious, it is not neccessarily bad. I know I am bad at being alone, and very close to unable to need personal space. I know I have been irritating other people by being like this.
However, it seemed to backfire when someone on the other side of the earth, not even sure about whether or not he wanted to plan a life together or not still wanted to know everything I did while being very distrusting at the same time. Those things are different to separate, but still have to be separated. Some kind of "mutualism" is not the same as "control" - the difference being both should feel good in the first, none in the second. An important part of it seems to be trust.
So yes, another one here, needy for life as you say it, maybe without any possibility to find a fitting partner. It's the way it is, and it hurts, but ain't much to do about it. Oh, do I hate the words "wait and see".

 

[Sheri75]

My ex didn't work and he was jealous all the time, didn't like me going on work do's and questioning if I was home late. Now I am in a new relationship and we both work. We work together, I met him there. He worked there before me and has actual friends there, I struggle to make friends generally so it really winds me up when I see him having a laugh and I am unable to join in because my team is more customer facing than his so they have more freedom to chat, but I haven't really made any friends of my own either. On top of this he has gaming friends so even when we r at home he is talking to people outside the home. I go to work, barely talk to anyone on a personal level because of the presence of customers then at home I have nobody to talk to at all. We had major arguments because I was jealous of him having 200 facebook friends and I had 19-13 of whom were family. Added to that I got rejected a couple of times when I sent fb friend requests to a couple of people at work who kept liking pics he posted of us, mistakenly thinking the likes meant they were happy for him being in a new relationship and that they would therefore like to make friends with me but as I say they rejected me. We argued so much he actually closed his fb.

My point being I have gone from being in a relationship where my partner was needy to a new relationship where I am the needy one. I hate being needy but I cannot make friends of my own to distract me

 

[TheRealCallie]

Added to that I got rejected a couple of times when I sent fb friend requests to a couple of people at work who kept liking pics he posted of us, mistakenly thinking the likes meant they were happy for him being in a new relationship and that they would therefore like to make friends with me but as I say they rejected me.

Just because they didn't accept your request doesn't mean they don't want to be friends with you.  I would have rejected you, as well.  NOT because I wouldn't like to get to know you, but BECAUSE I don't really know you.  Some people put personal things on their facebook they don't want everyone seeing.  Let them get to know you first. 

Also, how many of his friends are actually his friends?  I seriously doubt he talks to all 200 of them.

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

I find it weird when someone starts dating someone, and they automatically have to all have the same friends. Feels stalkerish to me. And I ignore requests like that as well, because facebook isn't the way I want to get to know them.

 

[Sheri75]

I agree he wouldn't actually talk to all 200, which is what makes it worse. If other people can have distant/minor acquaintances on their friends lists, why can't I be one of those. Why would I have to get to know someone fairly well before adding them?
On the flip side, people might know each other quite well then link up online but through lifestyle changes not have any contact for a couple of years but then they don't think 'we have nothing in common anymore so I'll delete them' which to me is the same as not knowing someone very well in the first place.

 

[TheRealCallie]

And some people are out to get as many "friends" as they can so they look cooler, or whatever reason. Do you really think those people that have over 400 friends knows each one of them personally? Probably don't know half of them, at least. Not even a little bit. Stop obsessing over it, does it REALLY matter?

 

[ditakelly]

yeah, I use to be like that when I was younger, it sort of developed into pushing people away for self protection. Its inevitable cos the pain gets too bad.