Negative thoughts

[WallflowerGirl83]

I'm so shy about meeting anyone the very first time. Whenever I'm online I feel more safe cause I'm using a computer but trying to meet people has always made me very nervous. Get overwhelmed by these negative thoughts about myself worrying what they'll think of me. Sometimes I do end up hiding inside my room cause I feel so overwhelmed and so afraid of what to say or how to act. Know I shouldn't care what others think about me but in the end I still care.

All my life I've always been more of the one on one type of a person, rather than hang out in a big group. 3 is okay but more than 3 I tend to get really anxious. Not sure why this is but I've always been like this even when I was younger. At family events I was always a little nervous but once I started playing I was fine. Only now I get overwhelmed and filled with a lot of anxiety. Took a lot of thought to it and I think it has to do with self esteem and how I think. Does anyone care to share thoughts or anything helpful. My anxiety is pretty bad at the moment and I keep looking for books that will help my anxiety but not sure what to get.

 

[BrokenInside]

Social anxiety that is. Ever thought of trying 'group therapy'?

 

[itsmylife]

Hi WallflowerGirl,

I'm just the same. BrokenInside is right -it's social anxiety.

I have a diagnosis of it and got referred to a group course which I was really skeptical about but it turned out to be really useful. I got taught a lot of self-relaxation techniques and ways to cope with the anxiety. I still use the things I learnt now and they do still help. I can also go back to any future course if I ever feel the need to refresh what happened. Which is a good idea, because the first time, thanks to my social anxiety, I couldn't take in half of what was going on.

I was never made to participate in anything and it was just a good feeling to be in a room with people who had all experienced or were still experiencing the exact same thoughts and feelings.
I would really recommend you to see your doctor and be referred to a course like this one.

I came away with a really good book. Can't think of the title at the minute -will need to go and look it up. But if you're interested or want to know more about anything PM me and I'll let you know.

Take care.

 

[Skid Row 89]

I'm so shy about meeting anyone the very first time. Whenever I'm online I feel more safe cause I'm using a computer but trying to meet people has always made me very nervous. Get overwhelmed by these negative thoughts about myself worrying what they'll think of me. Sometimes I do end up hiding inside my room cause I feel so overwhelmed and so afraid of what to say or how to act. Know I shouldn't care what others think about me but in the end I still care.

All my life I've always been more of the one on one type of a person, rather than hang out in a big group. 3 is okay but more than 3 I tend to get really anxious. Not sure why this is but I've always been like this even when I was younger. At family events I was always a little nervous but once I started playing I was fine. Only now I get overwhelmed and filled with a lot of anxiety. Took a lot of thought to it and I think it has to do with self esteem and how I think. Does anyone care to share thoughts or anything helpful. My anxiety is pretty bad at the moment and I keep looking for books that will help my anxiety but not sure what to get.

I also prefer to have conversations with a small group instead of larger groups so you're not alone. When I'm amongst a bigger group I usually let someone else do the talking until I feel like I can actually contribute something to the conversation because I'm not really an extrovert; saying something for the sake of filling the silence always seemed pointless to me. Just listen to what others in the group have to say and pitch in occasionally if you feel the need to, that's really all the advice I can give. Good luck.

 

[perfanoff]

I can probably hang out with small groups and be comfortable, if I'm in large groups with people who really aren't my friends, I lose interest in the social setting fast. I'm not the social butterfly that will care about assuming control in a setting where I barely know anyone, especially since I'm not sure I even want to talk to those people.

I tend to "ration" my friends so I'll only go out with 2-3 others at a time too. I gather up more only from time to time, but when I do, we have a blast.

 

[randomdude]

Social anxiety that is. Ever thought of trying 'group therapy'?

^^^^ Probably the best answer. I used to be anxious as much as op and by going to group therapies and individual talking to my therapist i decrease my anxiety to a whole new lower level. And now my life is livable. You just have to force yourself to go at first but as more as you go the easier it becomes.

 

[WildernessWildChild]

I honestly don't see why wanting to keep a "group" get-together on the smaller side would be a problem? Some of us simply don't enjoy or function well in bigger groups- it's a choice, not what I'd call a problem. I far prefer one on one settings, that way I can actually get to know a person, it's more intimate.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

Thanks for being helpful. Lately I've been so down due to things going on in my life. My grandmother is dying and family members keep visiting us, I'm very talkative and responsive by I just feel like I'm not all there. Like something is missing. All I've been feeling is anxiety lately, hopefully a support group can help me. My anxiety and worries tends to be the worst thing for me, the min I get stressful I get so emotionally upset and shut myself in my room. I hate that I do this to myself and I'm trying to understand it. The more it consumes my mind I get more upset.

 

[Veruca]

Hey Wallflowergirl, *hugs* sorry about your grandmum

It sounds like the events in your life right now could be contributing your anxiety when it comes to dealing with larger groups.

But like Wildernesschild said as well, some people function better in smaller groups. And some people may seem alright in larger groups when really they're a ball of nerves on the inside. I imagine it has a lot to do with the kind of group one is with as well. Perhaps you would be more at ease if you were in a big group but everyone was talking about common interests?

But yeah, if your anxiety is making things worse, talking to someone experienced in the subject might indeed help. At the very least, they might suggest some useful books. Hope you feel better soon...

 

[Okiedokes]

It's definitely a self esteem issue, which causes the social anxiety. I have that as well, and can relate to what you've said. Therapy is definitely helpful for this, and will help you to see things from another perspective. Those negative thoughts must be replaced with more realistic, healthier thoughts. Thoughts that may take some time to make a habit of putting in your head about yourself. Taking away all the silly things people may have said about you and throwing them away. It's not easy, but it's worth the try.

I also feel odd in large groups. My first thought when it comes to new people and especially groups of people is they will automatically dislike me. An example of unhealthy thinking. It's not true but my mind says it is without even trying. A realistic way of thinking is that no one can really have a reason to dislike me right away and if they do, based on looks or a few sentences then they are overly judgemental. I don't know if you experience a similar thought but I thought I'd give this as an example.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

Yes, lots of people in my past has said a lot of horrible things about me or to my face. Especially in school, it was the worst. Than several of my past boyfriend's were verbal and emotionally abuse towards me. Than I started to thinking that I was worthless and that I didn't matter. Than my last boyfriend broke up with me and I fell apart.....

Finally I was getting better and than my ex boyfriend came back into my life and brought down my self esteem again. Now I'm trying to get myself together again and it's really hard considering everything that's going on in my life. I've either been crying, laying on my bed or feeling completely numb. I'm getting help but it's very stressful sometimes.... sorry for laying this all out but this is the only place I really feel comfortable venting about what's going on in my life. Thanks for anyone that's been listening. It really means a lot.

and to anyone who was ever abused by anyone. I'm sorry you went through it.
and know that your not alone.

 

[Veruca]

I can relate to so many things you've said there girl. It didn't hit me until recently that my ex had mentally abused me and crushed my self esteem too. And yeah, combined with the bullying during formative years, plus the continuous insults/discrimination etc one has to face in one's adult life, things can really bring you down. And sometimes, all it takes is a trigger to crush us.

But I hope you look at this phase as something that is temporary and that it doesn't have to remain this way you know? That you can get through this. You will. And of course vent away as much as you need to, we're here to support each other anyway *hugs*

 

[ladyforsaken]

Abuse

*hugs* you all.