bear said:
ive never had a girlfriend, and frankly, it has not really bothered me, until of late.
I always thought that, if you had good friends, you could last.
Same with me bear, I've never had a bf either and that fact never bothered me too much either (unless of course those instances where I find myself comforting the troubled woes of another single GF of mine) but recently it has been in my thoughts more naggingly. I always figured, as you did, that friendship was more importandt, and if you had but one real friend (the word here is REAL), who needs a bf or a gf? Now, the dilemma, what if you don't have any friends at all? Never had one and never will? I guess we all know the root of this 'singleness' concern of ours.
bear said:
But now im out of touch with my friends, and feeling the need for a compatible partner, and i havent the faintest idea what to do?
I'm better at giving others advice than helping myself out of such situations. It seems that although you may not have the support of the friendship you once had, the fact that YOU HAD FRIENDS, says that you are capable of creating and nourishing new ones. I don't think you have to go around and look for that special person just yet, let yourself adjust to your new situation and environment. Create friendships, join clubs or groups that interests you, socialize in areas you're most comfortable with. In time, once you've adjusted to the place and the people, take a chance, go on dates. Going on a date does not necessitate than you open up completely, it merely helps you to get comfortable with the situation as you did with friendships and the environment. Perhaps your new friends can help set you up? Perhaps the dating scene goes badly but in this case 'practice makes perfect'. The more dates you go out with (try casual dating), the easier it is to socialize and estimate or gauge yourself as well as your date. From then on, it's really up to you and luck.
bear said:
I do believe that its whats inside a human's soul that matters, as opposed to the body, and that i would make a decent partner, but ill admit that im not the most good looking of boys a girl could ever wish for, but im not open enough for other people to see the type of person i am.
What should i do?
You may take your looks lightly but trust me, the insight you have given us makes you 'the ideal guy'. Many girls go ga ga over the handsome & attractive guys but first impressions (even seconds or thirds) only get you so far. In the end, all a girl wants is a partner who understands them, who sees what's in their soul. The fact that you hold this highly, sets you far apart from most guys. Basically, in other words, others maybe DATING potential guys but you are a MARRIAGE-COMMITMENT kind of guy, whether you have those defenses up or not. Just follow my advice, it's difficult to get those defenses down when the environment and the people make you feel alienated. So the first thing you should do is get rid of these obstacles, make this new place of yours a second home, from then on, you can work on the intimacy/opening-up issue.
I'll admit that I'm one of the most good looking of girl's a guy could ever wish for (kinda arrogant no? Well, let me rephrase that, I'm not too dreadful to look at), but lookee here, I'm 27 and never had a bf! Yikes! So, like I said, looks can only take you so far, but character, that's something else! Like you, I don't open up easily or when I do, it's at an inopportune moment or I shut down completely. So you have it way better than I'll ever have it. Consider yourself Prince Charming!
