I wish I had the balls to defeat and eliminate my paranoias and intrusive morbid thoughts growing up.
I wish I had the balls to curse out and beat the **** out of my bullies when I was younger, but I didn't want to get in trouble and I didn't want to become "bad". I didn't realize that there were some people who don't deserve being treated nicely, that there is a difference between picking fights and standing up for myself, that just because I would have treated some people harshly didn't mean I had to start treating everyone harshly, and that it would have been worth it to get in trouble and take some yelling or detention in order to stand up to these bullies and maybe have ended it earlier instead of waiting for it to end naturally with time. These were not big football players I'm talking about, they were athletic but by no means a big deal - they were just some rich kid ********. They may have had the numbers and a little bit of the size, but there's no way they could be as ANGRY as me. It was just verbal abuse, being ganged up on, they never touched me, but I think they took advantage of me not knowing what to do. They knew there would be no risk and no consequences. I feel that if I showed that I was more willing to fight and willing to be meaner and crazier than them, they'd have seen it wasn't worth it and left me alone.
Maybe it would have been good to learn stick earlier, when my family still had a car with manual transmission. I thought I'd just take the easy way and not worry about it, only to learn later that some of my favorite cars are stick only, so the joke's on me there.
I wish I had the balls to maintain my interests and dive deeper into them instead of going on hiatus from them out of fear that they weren't "cool" and thinking that I had to leave it behind and "grow up" because "that's what everyone else was doing". Maybe if I'd maintained my interests I'd have read a lot more books and gotten into creative writing sooner, and I definitely would have been further along on my collections. I still collect toys from various themes I like, I unbox them and everything, and if someone thinks that's childish, not my problem anymore.
I guess other than that, I just wish I had more of balls (more brains than balls, really) to dig and ask the hard questions, and figure out my life sooner. I wish I had the balls to push through my self-doubts and had started to try and get good at things earlier in life, cause that's what I've found is a big factor in what makes a person interesting most of the time (and therefore attractive) - when you're good at something. It would be nice to feel like I have a niche, more of an identity, and people respect you more.
Seahorse said:
Can't think of anything. Was a bit of a thrill seeker when I was younger but a lot more cautious now
I'd like to hear some of what you did before, if you don't mind. I'm always wondering about what thrill-seeking sorts of people like to do, and where they get their ideas. I've always been a cautious and risk-averse person, sometimes to my benefit but sometimes to my cost.
Paraiyar said:
I agree with this. I know we've talked about this already but if I'd pushed through my selfdoubts about my ability to learn guitar, instead of a bunch of false starts I'd have had 10 years playing now. This is a cool dream.
MisterLonely said:
Post something you always wanted to do but never had the nerve to actually do.
Can be something you'll still be able to do, or something long past.
- Slapped her on the butt when she offered it to me, she thought I wasn't interested in her, but I was just not confident enough
See, I'd totally do something like this now if I was certain that I'd been given the okay to. However I'd still be nervous that I'd miss, slap too hard or too softly and ruin it, or find some other way to do it wrong
That reminds me of another one - I wish I'd had the balls to just talk to girls like everyone else growing up, and it could have formed into a habit that they are just regular people instead of being "better" or "higher" than me.
![Thomas]](https://cdn.imagearchive.com/alonelylife/data/avatars/s/14/14186.jpg?1631136400){kind=avatar}
