New here...An opening rant.

[linda]

I just signed up today after logging onto my once quite-active facebook account and seeing that, once again, "Elvis has left the building''...
Why do I keep going through crap like this? Whether it's online or RL, I make a connection or two or three, and things go swimmingly for awhile and I'm thrilled to have found someone I can talk to about this or that, then one day out of nowhere it comes to a dead halt, and it's like I'm suffering an acute attack of invisibility. No incident, no heated exchange of words, no falling-out, just...gone. Poof!
Not unfriendly, mind you. They will always be and remain cordial when we have a rare encounter, but the closeness has gone and is replaced with this...how to say it?...it's as if an arm has appeared and is pushing me away, as if to say, "Know your place!".
(But I'm not the one who wrote those long, anguish-filled messages early on in the friendship, baring your soul and telling me that you were SO glad to have found someone you could talk to...I was just so happy that someone seemed to WANT to talk to me...)
But in all fairness to the latest defector, this seems to be an ongoing pattern with me. I make friends easily enough, and for some reason a lot of people feel they can "unleash" to me. I have been privy to the most intimate, sordid details of so many lives, and I've been told countless times how easy I am to talk to, how great it is they can tell me this stuff, what a relief to have found you to talk to, yadda, yadda, yadda. Then, when they get it off their chests, off they go, to their other friends. And that is usually about the time that I might be needing a bit of a sounding board, but all I get back is an echo, and the sound of crickets.
What am I? Some kind of social "Welsh Sin-Eater" for people with a need to unload a burden? Or perhaps the receptacle in some sort of psychic "vomitorium"? I mean, glad I could help and all, but it would have been nice if you could have stuck around when I needed you, know what I mean?

 

[Timelessness]

The same thing happens to me too, kinda. "Wow you're a great listener! Well, I've gotta go flirt this this guy over here now. Bye."

Being a great listener is nice and all. But people also like to be entertained during a conversation too. It's something that's difficult for me. I think that it's a learned skill to improve...

 

[Badjedidude]

Welcome to the site.

 

[Dessa]

Dat rant. Welcome btw. Sorry, too. *Hug*

 

[butterfly91]

*hugs* wow are all people like that or just the people we hang our with? my group of friends decided to not be so close and i have no idea what i did... i'm not the type of person who gets into arguments, or backstab others and as far as i knw, i have been there for each and everyone of them when they were sick, hospitalized, or going through break ups. we live in rooms next to each other and they only times i ever see them is during classes. whole weekends can go by without seeing them. they go out and dont bother stopping by my room to see if i would like to join them. and yes, i have been told that i am such a 'great listener and give great advice' clearly being that is not enough =(

 

[Callie]

Welcome Linda

 

[Borodin]

The exact same thing runs through my mind quite frequently. When you've gained, developed, and succinctly lost many friendships you start to ponder that perhaps you're just incapable of keeping friendships. The notion only gets stronger over the cruel passing of time. I think you and I both are looking for that perfect friendship: the kind that is resolute, dependable, and potent. When I don't find it, however, I get that incredibly dense pit in my stomach upon realizing how alone I am. I'm going to assume that perhaps you do as well.

Sucks, doesn't it?

I can't give you any advice aside from pointing out that a temporary friendship is better than nothing, although the lengthier sort is most desirable. Enjoy the ones you have while you can, Linda, and just try to make them last. By the way you described yourself, you sound like a very well receiving and likable individual. Being a friendly face is certainly enough to make friends, I think. Being friendly is also a great way to keep them.

 

[lone_drow]

Hi Linda. From your rant, I guess you feel like you have been taken advantage off? Do these people just go on and on about their problems without taking an interest in you or how your day was?

 

[linda]

I guess I DO feel taken advantage of...I just don't understand why people come to me when they are down, we talk, and then when their issue clears up, away they go, like I no longer exist to them. So, I help them out, and then am left by myself. And I fall for it every time, like some kind of jerk...thinking that this time, they really WANT to be friends.
I'm not even sure I know what the word "friend" means anymore. If it has come to mean the shallow, superficial 'relationships' that seem to be all that anyone really wants from me, then perhaps I am better off friendless...It just hurts so much to be always left out, tossed aside like yesterday's newspaper...
Well, I set myself up another FB account, under my writing name. I "friended" some people in the porn industry and several 'pages'...I'll just use that page to engage in the shallow, meangingless interactions that seem to be in favor these days. Maybe I need the practice. And, at least if they ignore me, I won't feel so bad, since I don't know them, and it's under a fake name, so it won't feel so personal...

 

[I'm Fine]

Hi Linda. There are some selfish people out there, I'm afraid. I hope you have better luck.

 

[paulo]

oo i know how that feels.
seems a little selfish of them, does make me feel used also.
but i dont think they meen it like that.
when they need someone to talk to they know where to find you.
when they feel better theyre off living there lifes.

i think most people have friends for eveything.
when theyre happy friends to go out with (maybe even the more shallow ones).
when theyre sad friends they can talk to.

i never said anything about it to them tough maybe thats part of the problem.
or maybe they dont wanne be reminded of the sad things they went through while talking to me and i remind them of when they felt like that.
or maybe i look so miserable that im the first thing they think of when theyre feeling down

its easy to make friends with someone that really needs to talk.
its after that you find out if you really made a friend or just helped someone through a ruff spot.
keep that in mind and you wont get hurt as much.

anyway if you wanne talk to me let me know
i wont be offended if you dump me afterwards.
well maybe a little

 

[xBlindMelonx]

hey Linda (welcome!!!)
I am also a new member and I joined only to meet people (and perhaps become friends with a few) I was invited by my only friend (ryan, he's really cool but the only contact we have is online) He lives in Canada and I live in Texas. We met in High School while he was living here in Texas and it is truly hard (for me) to believe that we are friends and talking...
I have been checking everyones posts in this Forum, searching for anyone thats (just) like me...I felt the most connection with you. when I read your post, it was something that I would have done ( I have thought of doing but I didnt) I just have accepted my fate that friendship is not in my vocabulary. I cant even begin to explain how I dont matter to people.to the people who I am close with...even family , i am just not enough for them to care. I do have to admit that my life (right now) is the happiest I have ever been because I just gave birth to my first child and she is sooo perfect but no matter how hard I try to pretend that everything will be fine..it just Will Not-
I am living with my mother, cant find any job, so i get food stamps from the goverment to feed myself and my daughter. I want to be glad that my boyfriend ( the father of my child) lives with me but the situation is just horrible. he doesnt have a job, is not trying to get one, is verbally abusive towards me alot (has been physically abusive before )..everyday is exactly the same: I am consumed by frustration because there is nothing I can do to be genuinely happy)
years ago I was very very depressed and suicidal. a cutter. i have changed in order to give my daughter somewhat of a (good) future.
One thing I dont quite understand is that my boyfriend (who is almost in the same position as I am-no money, no car, nada) he has tons of friends on his facebook page and he does go out with them, drinking and having a good time (just like friends should), so whats so wrong with me. .. well, Linda I must stop spilling out every detail of my life but just know that you got me as a friend. I joined this place not because I am desperate but because I believe in change.

 

[paulo]

hey Linda (welcome!!!)
I am also a new member and I joined only to meet people (and perhaps become friends with a few) I was invited by my only friend (ryan, he's really cool but the only contact we have is online) He lives in Canada and I live in Texas. We met in High School while he was living here in Texas and it is truly hard (for me) to believe that we are friends and talking...
I have been checking everyones posts in this Forum, searching for anyone thats (just) like me...I felt the most connection with you. when I read your post, it was something that I would have done ( I have thought of doing but I didnt) I just have accepted my fate that friendship is not in my vocabulary. I cant even begin to explain how I dont matter to people.to the people who I am close with...even family , i am just not enough for them to care. I do have to admit that my life (right now) is the happiest I have ever been because I just gave birth to my first child and she is sooo perfect but no matter how hard I try to pretend that everything will be fine..it just Will Not-
I am living with my mother, cant find any job, so i get food stamps from the goverment to feed myself and my daughter. I want to be glad that my boyfriend ( the father of my child) lives with me but the situation is just horrible. he doesnt have a job, is not trying to get one, is verbally abusive towards me alot (has been physically abusive before )..everyday is exactly the same: I am consumed by frustration because there is nothing I can do to be genuinely happy)
years ago I was very very depressed and suicidal. a cutter. i have changed in order to give my daughter somewhat of a (good) future.
One thing I dont quite understand is that my boyfriend (who is almost in the same position as I am-no money, no car, nada) he has tons of friends on his facebook page and he does go out with them, drinking and having a good time (just like friends should), so whats so wrong with me. .. well, Linda I must stop spilling out every detail of my life but just know that you got me as a friend. I joined this place not because I am desperate but because I believe in change.

kick that ass of a boyfriend out of your house NOW.!! would be the first thing you could do.
abusing someone in any way is never ok.
he does not deserve to be with you if he cant behave himself and at least tryes to take care of you and his child.
you and your little one deserve a lot better than that.
you need to protect her from that now.

dont think theres anything wrong with you, maybe you need to care about yourself a little more.
you deserve to be cared for as much as anyone else.
if the people around you dont than maybe you let the wrong people into your life.

im sorry if anything i said affended you in any way , i just get quite upset if people think they deserve the crap other people cause them.
cause you dont.

 

[xBlindMelonx]

hey Linda (welcome!!!)
I am also a new member and I joined only to meet people (and perhaps become friends with a few) I was invited by my only friend (ryan, he's really cool but the only contact we have is online) He lives in Canada and I live in Texas. We met in High School while he was living here in Texas and it is truly hard (for me) to believe that we are friends and talking...
I have been checking everyones posts in this Forum, searching for anyone thats (just) like me...I felt the most connection with you. when I read your post, it was something that I would have done ( I have thought of doing but I didnt) I just have accepted my fate that friendship is not in my vocabulary. I cant even begin to explain how I dont matter to people.to the people who I am close with...even family , i am just not enough for them to care. I do have to admit that my life (right now) is the happiest I have ever been because I just gave birth to my first child and she is sooo perfect but no matter how hard I try to pretend that everything will be fine..it just Will Not-
I am living with my mother, cant find any job, so i get food stamps from the goverment to feed myself and my daughter. I want to be glad that my boyfriend ( the father of my child) lives with me but the situation is just horrible. he doesnt have a job, is not trying to get one, is verbally abusive towards me alot (has been physically abusive before )..everyday is exactly the same: I am consumed by frustration because there is nothing I can do to be genuinely happy)
years ago I was very very depressed and suicidal. a cutter. i have changed in order to give my daughter somewhat of a (good) future.
One thing I dont quite understand is that my boyfriend (who is almost in the same position as I am-no money, no car, nada) he has tons of friends on his facebook page and he does go out with them, drinking and having a good time (just like friends should), so whats so wrong with me. .. well, Linda I must stop spilling out every detail of my life but just know that you got me as a friend. I joined this place not because I am desperate but because I believe in change.

kick that ass of a boyfriend out of your house NOW.!! would be the first thing you could do.
abusing someone in any way is never ok.
he does not deserve to be with you if he cant behave himself and at least tryes to take care of you and his child.
you and your little one deserve a lot better than that.
you need to protect her from that now.

dont think theres anything wrong with you, maybe you need to care about yourself a little more.
you deserve to be cared for as much as anyone else.
if the people around you dont than maybe you let the wrong people into your life.

im sorry if anything i said affended you in any way , i just get quite upset if people think they deserve the crap other people cause them.
cause you dont.

Thank you and I really wish it would be easy to kick him out.I dont know how it will happen but I am really trying to be strong and be there for my daughter.I believe in change and i always stay optimistic about the events in my life. I want very badly to be an Art teacher and i want to pursue many of my dreams, i do love my boyfriend but i dont deserve any of whats going on-i cant see myself falling in love ever ever again.ever! i just want to teach and live with my daughter in a beautiful place with a beach near by