No Sense of Purpose in Life

[FrancisG]

My life has been very lonely. Since my Mother died 2 years ago, things have changed a lot. The past year I stayed home due
to the Covid pandemic. I have 2 brothers, our family was always close and got together for holidays, prior to that for Sunday
dinners, etc. Now neither brother and I have the closeness we had before. One is married and they do their own thing, not
very interested in sharing anything. My other brother has his grown son living with him so they do things together.

I have not been able to push myself to go to events in any groups I have joined online. I am not working and having been for 2
to 3 years. I am retired, didn't expect to be at this time in my life. Covid had a lot to do with it. Anytime I talk to anyone is usually
when I initiate a text or email. My life has changed soooo much from when I was younger. I am sick of it. I have no purpose in
life, no kids, no husband or bf. I'm at my wits end.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I'm sorry about your mother. It's hard when a family member dies to keep that closeness sometimes. Don't give up on it, though, try to find a way to make it work.

As for you, it sounds like you need to figure out what it is you want. Find a new hobby, talk to people. If you just stay in, alone, it will likely only get worse. Take a chance and find something you enjoy.

 

[Efbee]

Look at it from another angle... At least you have peace, no one to bother you or criticize you, no need to slave away in the kitchen for an ungrateful bf or husband, no whining from kids... Always look on the bright side of things.

 

[Sir Joseph]

FrancisG, I'm a retiree too who can relate in some ways to your situation. My disfunctional family has never been close, so I've lacked normal relationships and gatherings with them since leaving for school 45 years ago. Not having my own wife or kids only exasperated the social deficiencies and lack of love in my life.

Despite family and love deprivations, I was blessed with an extraordinary career and outdoor life of trips, fun, and adventure that kept me busy and happy - until 7 years ago when I was forced to retire. Now what to do with all of my realized time and freedom, and what real purpose did I have in life anymore?

I've always been a Christian, but I'll concede that while God was an important part of my life, he was just one factor among many, with my career being the core concern that received the most time and attention. Losing work created a huge void that needed to be filled - a challenge many face sooner or later, but one noticeably harder for those of us with no family network of relationships.

With abundant free time, I increased my Christian apologetics studies and started building a digital library of books, articles, and videos that not only increased my knowledge and strengthened my faith, but gave me a new passion and purpose to life. My pursuit now of knowing and loving God more each day may not replicate the fun worldly activities I used to engage in, but it definitely gives me superior fulfillment, peace, and joy in life.

I don't know whether you're a believer or not.

If you're not, then I'd encourage you to use your time to investigate the matter of religion. Where we come from, our purpose in life, and what lies ahead should concern everyone, especially as we get older. In the end, I'm confident beyond a reasonable doubt, that nothing matters more than the relationship we have with our Creator.

If you are a believer, then I'd encourage you use this time to grow in your faith, starting with what you believe and why. Is it the right faith based on evidence that you feel passionately about, or is it a casual blind faith that you only half believe and live.

I'll always miss the close family I never had, the great career that I lost, the outdoor trips, fun, and adventures of my younger days, and the handsome, strong body I once had, but age forces us to give these things up and find a fulfilling replacement, doesn't it? For myself, I've learned that focusing on my Christian faith, appreciating the eternal nature of our souls, and anticipating the exciting future to come puts a proper and comforting perspective on what to do with this temporary life.

 

[Azariah]

Some people say we don't need purpose in life. I believe life's purpose is just to live. But if you enjoy living you're living better.

 

[JJW]

Purpose doesn't find you, you have to find it. You said it the right way in the header— you don't have a sense of purpose. It's not something that's there waiting for you. It's a feeling. Invent ways to keep busy if you have to, but keep busy and those things you choose to do will carry you to other things.

Allowing yourself to be discourage will lead to depression. Depression is a relationship killer. No one will come to fix you. Quite the opposite.

We can post online and get bushels of advice from strangers. Maybe some of it is helpful. But the bottom line is only you can change your life. It can be work. Depression will fight tooth and nail against that. Sometimes we have to fight back and take control. Giving up leaves you where you are.

You have already decided that you want something more. Go find it. I know you are alone. I have family (such as it is) so I can't know what having no one is like, but I'm alone in all that I do. I know there is much that can be accomplished by ones self. And when you get your accomplishments out there they will draw others to you.

Always be yourself. Try new things. Don't be impatient for things to change. Stay busy. Happiness isn't in having purpose. It's a state of mind. Maybe it's building a rocket and going into space with Captain Kirk, or maybe it's a rocking chair on a rickety porch with a bottle of Mountain Dew. Only you can decide what makes you happy. And only you can go get it.

 

[user 176211]

I have struggled with this myself and I would like to share my personal views on this. It may not be a popular view- and I would never share it as ¨advice you should start to follow¨, but altogether, I just wanted to chime in and share because your post struck a chord with me as I have too fought with the whole ¨purpose¨ thing.

First and foremost, I am sorry to read about you losing your mother in the recent years.

I know that when I struggled with purpose, it was because I felt like I didn´t belong anywhere. Not in my family, not in my social group (that eventually waned off to nothing), I didn´t feel like I belonged to work or school.

And then one day, I started a career. Suddenly I had something that I felt gave me purpose. I felt like my only purpose was to grow, make money, get stuff, and become a popular figure among my peer group. I did exactly all of those things. Except the number one undefeated enemy that always wins showed up: Time. After some time passes, you start to wonder ¨Ẅell, what´s next?¨. A sense of purpose will only take you so far, until you start to feel no purpose in the purpose you already found. Its almost like the ¨big rat race¨. You work for money, you get money. You have money, you have things. You have things... then what? You just continuously get tired of the same thing over and over.

Truth is, purpose is just like one of those things you keep chasing but doesn´t actually have an end; kinda like success.

And all along the way, you´ll find people who who just happen to not be currently in the feeling of not having a purpose. And they tell you very empty and meaningless things- like ¨you just need to find your purpose¨... and they too will lose a sense of purpose... eventually.

The reality is that nothing makes any modicum of sense. And you can just do whatever you want. You can go out and find a purpose- and it will last you as long as you just realize that its all just empty gestures. We just.... exist. That´s quite literally all there is to it. Just do literally whatever you want or makes you happy. Nothing else really matters. This is just some matrix level trash where I feel like mankind is here by cosmic mistake. And there really is no purpose to this failed experiment and the best you can hope for is to just spend whatever time this is here doing whatever amuses you, as brief as it may be.

 

[Corineus]

Havnt posted for a while but finally seeking help and now on meds and long term sick leave from work.
So i lower my horizon to 1 day and try not to think beyond that (but obviously habe to deal with life admin sometimes) today i want to work on my bodyboarding techniques, so watched lots of YouTube vids and will drive the 15mins to the coast later and practice, will buy a winter plant on the way back and garden a little (get some leaves out of my ponds)
Thats enough for me tbh, didnt talk face to face with anyone yesterday but that was my choice, i quite like my own company

 

[user15010]

Couldn't you offer surfing lessons Corineus? Just a thought. I could pop in one day.

 

[Corineus]

Ivr never done stand up surfing but love watching channels like jamie o brien on youtube, definitely more for fun and fitness but dont think i could teach, im on mirtazapine and its supposed to pile weight on so doing as much exercises as i can

 

[user15010]

Ivr never done stand up surfing but love watching channels like jamie o brien on youtube, definitely more for fun and fitness but dont think i could teach, im on mirtazapine and its supposed to pile weight on so doing as much exercises as i can

Ok. So, maybe running B&B. With your location it shouldn't be hard to find visitors. Also, finding a partner to run such business together could bring some good change. I hope you don't mind my interference.

 

[Corineus]

Well airbnb would definitely be possible, my neighbour has a residential wood lodge in garden, i did the Camino in 2019 and that was amazing (across pyranees and spain 31days appx) would like to do that again and would encourage others, its impossible not to meet and talk to strangers,many many lone travellers from usa, canada, south Korea, everywhere really!

 

[user15010]

I've only heard about Camino. I could try but how to find so much time and also I'm not sure how I'd fit in with my secular mind. Would you like to do it again? Now, since you've mentioned I think I may try something similar myself. I used to hike a lot with friends and I do miss it. I'll think about Scotland but if I'm in Cornwall I'll knock on your door.
AirB&B seems good too.

 

[Corineus]

Yeah theres a few different routes i did the most popular route frances, basically walk maybe 6 hours explore a beautiful town, sleep in an alburgie maybe 4 to 40 per room but only maybe 5 euros or donation, repeat for a month

 

[user15010]

Thank you for the information! I may try it after all.

 

[beingnobody]

My life has been very lonely. Since my Mother died 2 years ago, things have changed a lot. The past year I stayed home due
to the Covid pandemic. I have 2 brothers, our family was always close and got together for holidays, prior to that for Sunday
dinners, etc. Now neither brother and I have the closeness we had before. One is married and they do their own thing, not
very interested in sharing anything. My other brother has his grown son living with him so they do things together.

I have not been able to push myself to go to events in any groups I have joined online. I am not working and having been for 2
to 3 years. I am retired, didn't expect to be at this time in my life. Covid had a lot to do with it. Anytime I talk to anyone is usually
when I initiate a text or email. My life has changed soooo much from when I was younger. I am sick of it. I have no purpose in
life, no kids, no husband or bf. I'm at my wits end.

I think the only purpose of life is to be happy, and that being convinced there is a "higher " purpose condemns us to the misery of a life time of searching outside of ourselves when happiness exists the whole time within us.

 

[Finished]

Screw listening to everybody else! They don't know ****. Make up your own purpose for your life. If sitting on the couch watching TV is what you like to do. Then make that your purpose in life. That way you will be more satisified.

 

[Sir Joseph]

The consenses here is disheartening, seeing that so many feel no true, innate purpose to life other than to seek temporary happiness or to just endure. That is a formula for depression, self worth identity problems, and hopelessness. It is however, consistent with an evolutionary world view and explains the increasing rise of such negative feelings among the younger generations who have been raised with a secular world view rather than traditional Biblical world view. I obviously can't make people reject this sad cultural trend, but I'll continue to preach that it needn't be that way.

Believer or not, the world remains an extremely opportunistic environment for doing something worthwhile with one's life. This is especially the case for Americans or anyone else in a developed nation. Where there is need, there is opportunity for purpose, and there appears to be an insatiable need all around us - financially, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It has been proven time and time again, that satisfaction in life comes most, not from trying to keep ourselves happy with selfish pleasures, but by focusing outward rather than inward. We were created for a reason. We have value, and we have purpose - to love God and to love others. Those pursuits bring lasting peace and joy, whereas feelings only bring temporary happiness.

 

[U-122]

My life has been very lonely. Since my Mother died 2 years ago, things have changed a lot. The past year I stayed home due
to the Covid pandemic. I have 2 brothers, our family was always close and got together for holidays, prior to that for Sunday
dinners, etc. Now neither brother and I have the closeness we had before. One is married and they do their own thing, not
very interested in sharing anything. My other brother has his grown son living with him so they do things together.

I have not been able to push myself to go to events in any groups I have joined online. I am not working and having been for 2
to 3 years. I am retired, didn't expect to be at this time in my life. Covid had a lot to do with it. Anytime I talk to anyone is usually
when I initiate a text or email. My life has changed soooo much from when I was younger. I am sick of it. I have no purpose in
life, no kids, no husband or bf. I'm at my wits end.

Bumping this thread i'm in the same boat. No relatives except my mother, no family, no frenemies, no girlfriend/wife. No purpose in life. Not much left to do but to continue our existence

 

[user 181147]

I really have no purpose. I don’t make friends easily, family doesn’t care, lost too many at a young age. I just do my own thing and wonder why I continue to.