WaterBreather
Member
- Joined
- Oct 6, 2015
- Messages
- 6
- Reaction score
- 0
Hello everyone, I've been reading this forum for a few weeks now and thought I'd go ahead and sign up. I don't know how much I'd be able to contribute, but I guess maybe I just wanted to get this off my chest, a big dose of anonymous truth. I hope it's not too depressing for you.
I'm 42, male, live in NV, never been married, no kids, relationships with women have been scant and far between. I consider myself to be a complete and utter failure in life, despite the following:
I live in a neighborhood where everyone wants to be around here. I have a nice roomy house with 2 cars, m/c and a bunch of crap. In fact, more than many married couples around here. I always see beautiful, loving couples walking around here with their strollers and yuppie retriever dogs, and enthusiastically say, "Hey, how's it going!" and receive an equally enthusiastic reply. My heart aches every time.
Friends keep telling me that any woman would want me because I have my **** together and am responsible, driven and above average in looks. Of course, the looks commentary is total BS, but I can't blame them because they just want to be encouraging. I consider myself less than average. Anyway, I'd trade all that just to find a woman who would actually love and care about me, but I don't think it will happen, ever.
This is probably a pretty jaded Hollywood script, but it's true. I'm sorry but I can't understand when people who've been married and had kids and at least had some years of domestic bliss, say they're lonely. Not knocking them, I just don't understand. Having had so many years of dejection, even having had memories of a continuous 1 year period of happiness and bliss would probably keep me going for decades.
Really good at hiding my internal turmoil, but sometimes friends or family sense something a little off and get worried. I make up some BS excuse and it's brushed off.
Once had a fantasy that I'd cash out everything I had and posted a one year "suicide trip" around the world on Instagram. Drinking, eating, whoring, doing whatever the hell ever for a year. I even knew what my first post was going to be......"This is my left hand holding a martini. It will be scraped off the ground before this time next year." Then, on my birthday, I would climb over the steel barrier on the Empire State Building and jump off - flying squirrel style - so I could see it coming. I deserve it. I would announce it ahead of time so I'd have a bunch of mooks yelling "JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!" before I did. Of course, that's all fantasy because I'm pretty chicken ****.
Don't like the idea of living another 50 years like this, it's really not worth it, being a complete and utter failure in life at the most BASIC level, procreation. I can make my female friends (married or otherwise attached) laugh, like belly laugh, but single women will not give me the time of day. That's kinda like saying, "Ha, you're very entertaining, but I wouldn't want to bear your ugly beast." No luck with women even in the military...so much for that "men in uniform" thingy, eh?
Last 2 months have been really tough, and really, really downhill. However, the facade is intact and some BS event always happens that gives me hope, then slaps me down to reality again. Like someone is holding my head underwater until I almost drown, then lifts me up for a gulp of fresh air, only to say, "Just kidding loser!" and shoves me back underwater.
Anyway, I know the intro section isn't supposed to be a dissertation, sorry. I don't really know why I wrote ALL this actually, other than just telling other "anonymi" how I really feel. I'm glad there's a forum for this.
I know this all sounds pretty ridiculous, but with a lot of inner turmoil, I guess one's brain can really get jacked up...so OK, let's hear it, do your worst.
PS When I first signed up on this site, my login was deleted and I had to sign up again. I used to same username because it was deleted. Then had to wait almost a week to fully activate. I can't do anything right, not even sign up for a loneliness forum, hah!
I'm 42, male, live in NV, never been married, no kids, relationships with women have been scant and far between. I consider myself to be a complete and utter failure in life, despite the following:
I live in a neighborhood where everyone wants to be around here. I have a nice roomy house with 2 cars, m/c and a bunch of crap. In fact, more than many married couples around here. I always see beautiful, loving couples walking around here with their strollers and yuppie retriever dogs, and enthusiastically say, "Hey, how's it going!" and receive an equally enthusiastic reply. My heart aches every time.
Friends keep telling me that any woman would want me because I have my **** together and am responsible, driven and above average in looks. Of course, the looks commentary is total BS, but I can't blame them because they just want to be encouraging. I consider myself less than average. Anyway, I'd trade all that just to find a woman who would actually love and care about me, but I don't think it will happen, ever.
This is probably a pretty jaded Hollywood script, but it's true. I'm sorry but I can't understand when people who've been married and had kids and at least had some years of domestic bliss, say they're lonely. Not knocking them, I just don't understand. Having had so many years of dejection, even having had memories of a continuous 1 year period of happiness and bliss would probably keep me going for decades.
Really good at hiding my internal turmoil, but sometimes friends or family sense something a little off and get worried. I make up some BS excuse and it's brushed off.
Once had a fantasy that I'd cash out everything I had and posted a one year "suicide trip" around the world on Instagram. Drinking, eating, whoring, doing whatever the hell ever for a year. I even knew what my first post was going to be......"This is my left hand holding a martini. It will be scraped off the ground before this time next year." Then, on my birthday, I would climb over the steel barrier on the Empire State Building and jump off - flying squirrel style - so I could see it coming. I deserve it. I would announce it ahead of time so I'd have a bunch of mooks yelling "JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!" before I did. Of course, that's all fantasy because I'm pretty chicken ****.
Don't like the idea of living another 50 years like this, it's really not worth it, being a complete and utter failure in life at the most BASIC level, procreation. I can make my female friends (married or otherwise attached) laugh, like belly laugh, but single women will not give me the time of day. That's kinda like saying, "Ha, you're very entertaining, but I wouldn't want to bear your ugly beast." No luck with women even in the military...so much for that "men in uniform" thingy, eh?
Last 2 months have been really tough, and really, really downhill. However, the facade is intact and some BS event always happens that gives me hope, then slaps me down to reality again. Like someone is holding my head underwater until I almost drown, then lifts me up for a gulp of fresh air, only to say, "Just kidding loser!" and shoves me back underwater.
Anyway, I know the intro section isn't supposed to be a dissertation, sorry. I don't really know why I wrote ALL this actually, other than just telling other "anonymi" how I really feel. I'm glad there's a forum for this.
I know this all sounds pretty ridiculous, but with a lot of inner turmoil, I guess one's brain can really get jacked up...so OK, let's hear it, do your worst.
PS When I first signed up on this site, my login was deleted and I had to sign up again. I used to same username because it was deleted. Then had to wait almost a week to fully activate. I can't do anything right, not even sign up for a loneliness forum, hah!
