Not sure where to turn

[Peteyfoozer]

I’m almost 70. My health is not good. My circumstances have been unchanged for 18 years- we live 4 hr from town where my husband is a ranch mechanic on a large beef operation. I literally have no friends and what family I have are 16 hr away with their own lives. I have been overwhelmingly lonely and sad since we moved here.
I can’t seem to stop crying these days. There really isn’t anything for me to look forward to and when I finally told my husband how I feel about my life, I might just as well said “nice day”. I’m not even sure why I am posting, as there are no solutions…there is just so much physical and emotional pain, I can’t contain it anymore

 

[ringwood]

I’m almost 70. My health is not good. My circumstances have been unchanged for 18 years- we live 4 hr from town where my husband is a ranch mechanic on a large beef operation. I literally have no friends and what family I have are 16 hr away with their own lives. I have been overwhelmingly lonely and sad since we moved here.
I can’t seem to stop crying these days. There really isn’t anything for me to look forward to and when I finally told my husband how I feel about my life, I might just as well said “nice day”. I’m not even sure why I am posting, as there are no solutions…there is just so much physical and emotional pain, I can’t contain it anymore

I’m sorry you are struggling so much. I’ve been stuck in isolated places too, without friends, and I know very much how trapped and depressing it can feel. Does your husband work away as a ranch mechanic or locally? Are you alone for much of the time?

Having hobbies of some kind helps for sure, something to focus your time and energy on. I enjoy birdwatching and photography, for example, but try to do whatever brings you some sense of peace and happiness. Is there any chance of joining local groups or anything like that? Even volunteering somewhere perhaps? That would give you a chance to maybe make some friends or at least get out socially.

 

[okidoke]

Also so to hear this. Very difficult. My question is, why isn't he retired? I'm assuming of course he's about your age. Does he not want to spend time with you in these latter years? When you tell him, TELL HIM. Get a response. Tell him what you need and see what his reaction is. Get him to understand what you're dealing with. I mean, if he really loves you and wants you, then he should want to accommodate you. Worse case scenario he doesn't and you know where you stand, and, even though it's not ideal, you may have to consider leaving and trying to live a life that gives you some pleasure. What does he want from you; just a cook and cleaner? Why is there physical pain? Is he abusive? There's grounds to leave for a start.

PS I thought by your profile name you were a guy, well, maybe you actually are.

 

[Peteyfoozer]

Also so to hear this. Very difficult. My question is, why isn't he retired? I'm assuming of course he's about your age. Does he not want to spend time with you in these latter years? When you tell him, TELL HIM. Get a response. Tell him what you need and see what his reaction is. Get him to understand what you're dealing with. I mean, if he really loves you and wants you, then he should want to accommodate you. Worse case scenario he doesn't and you know where you stand, and, even though it's not ideal, you may have to consider leaving and trying to live a life that gives you some pleasure. What does he want from you; just a cook and cleaner? Why is there physical pain? Is he abusive? There's grounds to leave for a start.

PS I thought by your profile name you were a guy, well, maybe you actually are.

No. I’m a woman We had no savings, no retirement. I lost my home trying to help our kids…big mistake. I’m disabled and we are 4 hr from town. He’s a good guy, he just doesn’t understand. He sees people, at least sometimes and he likes it here. I have severe RA plus residual problems from old injuries when I used to train horses.

 

[Peteyfoozer]

I’m sorry you are struggling so much. I’ve been stuck in isolated places too, without friends, and I know very much how trapped and depressing it can feel. Does your husband work away as a ranch mechanic or locally? Are you alone for much of the time?

Having hobbies of some kind helps for sure, something to focus your time and energy on. I enjoy birdwatching and photography, for example, but try to do whatever brings you some sense of peace and happiness. Is there any chance of joining local groups or anything like that? Even volunteering somewhere perhaps? That would give you a chance to maybe make some friends or at least get out socially.

I am alone pretty much all the time. He gets up early to feed the horse and chickens then works wherever they need him (shop, or driving truck, or installing cattle chutes, etc). He comes home around dark, eats, watches TV, goes to bed. He works 7 days a week. I love him, I just don’t see him. My Service Dog is my only company. We are 4 hr from town so there’s no socializing, church or anything else.
I do have hobbies but my health continues putting increasing limitations on me. I’m at the point of feeling so low I want to give up. I’m trying to find a way to get my dog and myself to California to visit family. I will have to drive but it’s difficult for me and my dog hates to travel but I need him with me.

 

[okidoke]

No. I’m a woman We had no savings, no retirement. I lost my home trying to help our kids…big mistake. I’m disabled and we are 4 hr from town. He’s a good guy, he just doesn’t understand. He sees people, at least sometimes and he likes it here. I have severe RA plus residual problems from old injuries when I used to train horses.

What about the other stuff I said? Sit him down, get him to comprehend what you’re feeling.

So no pension or other income available to you guys apart from his job then?

I don’t know what RA is.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Wow, I wasn't aware that there was anywhere that isolated in Oregon. Do you have any neighbors closer to you? Could you ever maybe ride to work with your husband and spend the day in town or would that be too much for you?

Definitely get some hobbies. Maybe use a video chat to talk to people so you don't feel so alone....not the same, of course, but it might help.

So no pension or other income available to you guys apart from his job then?

Retirement typically sucks in America. Most people can't afford to retire, so they are essentially forced to keep working. My mom could retire....she NEEDS to retire because of her health problems, but she won't because she can't afford to.

 

[Unsigned]

I don’t know what RA is.

It means rheumatoid arthritis.
It can be horrifically debilitating.

@Peteyfoozer
Hope you can overcome some if not all of your issues.
You and your husband helped your kids, now they NEED to step up for you.
No one should be working at 70 unless it is because they truly want to and just want to stay active.
HAVING to work at 70 is a sin, and your kids are absolutely OBLIGATED to help you after what you did for them.

 

[Sir Joseph]

I am alone pretty much all the time. He gets up early to feed the horse and chickens then works wherever they need him (shop, or driving truck, or installing cattle chutes, etc). He comes home around dark, eats, watches TV, goes to bed. He works 7 days a week. I love him, I just don’t see him. My Service Dog is my only company. We are 4 hr from town so there’s no socializing, church or anything else.
I do have hobbies but my health continues putting increasing limitations on me. I’m at the point of feeling so low I want to give up. I’m trying to find a way to get my dog and myself to California to visit family. I will have to drive but it’s difficult for me and my dog hates to travel but I need him with me.

Your situation does sound legitimately distressing Pettyfoozer, so yes, you do have some sympathy and support here. Others have already given good advice, but I'll add this.

If you have any friends or family that you could communicate with more often, do so via video chat. While it may be a second rate substitute for face to face interaction, I know personally that it's still worthwhile and enjoyable. I do this with a few friends throughout the year and my good friend's wife (isolated in update Wisconsin) does it every morning for 1-2 hours with her daughter back in Thailand. Likewise, I spend over an hour each day video chatting with my own girl who's on the other side of the world. Seriously, this free video chat era is a wonderful perk of modern society, and especially valuable for retaining relationships when we're separated. So, you may not be able to drum up new relationships close by, but make sure you're nourishing all of the potential ones elsewhere in the world is my first advice.

Secondly, rather than give up, I encourage you to keep working on your husband who will eventually leave the job. You're right to want and need people; like my dad, maybe he doesn't, but out of love for you and peace in the house, he may eventually yield to a move back to civilization.

 

[Peteyfoozer]

Your situation does sound legitimately distressing Pettyfoozer, so yes, you do have some sympathy and support here. Others have already given good advice, but I'll add this.

If you have any friends or family that you could communicate with more often, do so via video chat. While it may be a second rate substitute for face to face interaction, I know personally that it's still worthwhile and enjoyable. I do this with a few friends throughout the year and my good friend's wife (isolated in update Wisconsin) does it every morning for 1-2 hours with her daughter back in Thailand. Likewise, I spend over an hour each day video chatting with my own girl who's on the other side of the world. Seriously, this free video chat era is a wonderful perk of modern society, and especially valuable for retaining relationships when we're separated. So, you may not be able to drum up new relationships close by, but make sure you're nourishing all of the potential ones elsewhere in the world is my first advice.

Secondly, rather than give up, I encourage you to keep working on your husband who will eventually leave the job. You're right to want and need people; like my dad, maybe he doesn't, but out of love for you and peace in the house, he may eventually yield to a move back to civilization.

Thank you. I will try and do that.

 

[Peteyfoozer]

Wow, I wasn't aware that there was anywhere that isolated in Oregon. Do you have any neighbors closer to you? Could you ever maybe ride to work with your husband and spend the day in town or would that be too much for you?

Definitely get some hobbies. Maybe use a video chat to talk to people so you don't feel so alone....not the same, of course, but it might help.

Retirement typically sucks in America. Most people can't afford to retire, so they are essentially forced to keep working. My mom could retire....she NEEDS to retire because of her health problems, but she won't because she can't afford to.

SE OR is very remote and sparsely populated cattle country. My husband is on the ranch all day, but not where I can spend time with him. Chronic pain and illness has me pretty much confined to the house.
I was going to try to drive myself out if state to see my family and friends but got really sick again and don’t know when I will be able to try again.
I’m so sorry about your mom, but yes, that’s exactly the issue here being unable to retire