OCD so draining with worries

[IWTDIE]

At around the age of 13/14 I was diagnosed with OCD, I went to a few meetings with a woman about it but gave up as i thought they weren't really helping me, anyways I've always been ok apart from having to do the odd rituals but recently my life really seems to have gone downhill..

I'd never minded my area despite the fact it was reknown to be quite a "rough" place to live, but I just chilled with my friends and just roamed the streets anyway. One time we were stopped by two older boys who have families which are quite tough and they are known to be tough themselves - anyways they made us walk around with them threatening us at the same time and made my other two friends who were with me give them something quite expensive because of complications - it was theirs in the first place. They mugged me without actually taking anything, they mugged me of my confidence to walk around my own area freely at night. I slowly got over this but then the same kind of thing happened a few months later with the same two guys, so now i really was wary of my own area, i didn't mind it in the daytime but at night I didn't really want to walk around, if you don't obey what these haters do then basically you're either going to get stabbed or a brick through your window - so everyone in my area does what they tell them to. I wanted to do anything to avoid this. I lived my life anyways moving on, smoking weed on a regular nightly basis at my friends house and working in the evenings. This went on until around a month or so ago one of the guys added me to MSN and had my name in his name saying he was going to get me then he said to me i had been saying stuff about him and he is going to beat me up since this news my OCD has gone into over drive, I became very panicky thinking I can't even walk in my own area during the day or night because if he sees me he is going to humiliate me. But I must go to work which is past his area - this stresses me. I stopped smoking weed almost immediately because weed has always made me kind of paranoid anyways when I was on it but I knew that if I was stoned and had that worry in my head I would just obsess over the worry and panic even more - so i stopped. But now I think my OCD has gone into overdrive from the stress and worry of it all and I can not think of anything else apart from the fact that this madman hates me with a passion, and if he sees me he is going to display this hatred in the most wicked of ways. It is so draining, I do not go out anymore, I do not see my friends anymore because they all smoke weed and thats the only thing they do and i dont anymore, i just sit inside and go to work but whilst at work or at home i am still thinking about this thought over and over and over and over and its the worst feeling ever. I feel so alone, no one cares, no one knows, I need to get away from this area. It really does seem as rough as everyone was saying..

I know that if he does get me I'll be even more screwed than I am now inside my head and it surely will tip me over the edge. I just needed to get it all out because it is all in my head and it is stuck there i wake up and remember that he is after me everyday and from that moment I feel sad and distracted with it for the rest of the day.

 

[itsmylife]

Wow sounds like you’re having a really rough time IWTDIE.

First of all, about your OCD. Maybe now that it’s worse and giving you more problems you could go back to having those meetings. They may not have helped you then but if they can help to control your OCD even a little bit now that might reduce some of your stress.

About this person who is after you, although the word ‘person’ doesn’t really apply to someone like that, maybe you could get away for a while? Is there someone you could stay with away from where you live? A friend or relative who would have you for a while. That way you’ll be able to calm down and think a little more clearly about your next move without having to worry about looking over your shoulder all the time.
Have you reported him to the police or anything?

Feel free to get it all out, that’s what we’re here for! Hope you can get this sorted soon so you can start getting your life back on track.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I have Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder too..
Which is slightly different from OCD...bacailly I'm not anal retentive
or feel I need to wash my hands every 5 sec or wear a full suit
condom every where I go. Howard Huges had OCD.

Well...Smoking weed and doing drugs made me paranoid as hell
too. And crazy people came into my life too. I got mugged a couple
of times living that crazy life style. I had a knife putted to my
throat.

mmm..I had to deal or not deal with a crazy lunatic as you're discribing
in my life or while I was in trying to get clean and sober.
This dude was terrorizing a lot of people..He freaeken stole my motorcycle
but i couldn't truned to the authority..becuase I was high..man.


I started foucsing on my life...yeah face my fears.
The last I heard of dum ass....he went to prison, without any of my doing.
I changed...he didn't.
I got my bike back a month after i got sober...weird. The cops just called
me oneday to go get my bike becuase they arrested ******** for some stupid crap
and he had records a mile long...

People say the most stupid thing and are so retarded when they're high.
They don't make the most sane decisions. Probably killed
too many brain cells...and think they're superman and bullet prof
and some crap...Wacked out of there minds and numb to the bones.
Err..that dude can go prison for making stupid threats like that.
Especailly if it's on record on a harddrive...Duh
Stupid wannabee gansta...hanging out on msn...lmao

I found help and support through the rooms of AA and NA.
Basically everyone that's an alcoholic or a drug addict
has OCPD...variouse degree of it. Doing drugs or getting
drunk were our coping methode. (self medicating)

These are support groups..men and women that can help
you..They walked in your shoes and felt what you felt and
had found a way out. You don't have to do it alone.

Being abstience from drugs and alcohol is not enough...but
it is a BIG..BIG major step inorder for us to work a living program.
First things first...don't put any mind altering , mood changing
substance into your body. So we can think half ass straight and
don't act like major a-hole....duh.
In a nutshell...we still have OCPD and it effects our lives.
The 12 steps are living tools that address our OCPD and
there's other living tools or coping skills we learn in recovery

Anyways...there's is help if you want help.
I can't write everything about recovery in one thread.lol

mmm...with the money you saved from not buying weed..
Have you thought about just getting a bike...it's only $50-$60
at wal-mart or Target. I dunno...take a detour around the nighbor
hood...Or he'll have a hell of time trying to catch you on your
bike. LMOA...freaken active addicts can't run worth a damn.
They're out of shape and thier lungs are ****** up from smoking dope.

Aviod negative, people, places and things....
mmm..if you save enough money by not doing weed..
You might be able to afford a car...

Don't let people rent space in your head...man.
Let go...let god ...or whatever....just let go of it.
It easier said than done. (I know)...but please try.
You can't afford it...especailly if you have obsessive thinking.
Then the darn complusion or complusive...kicks it into overdrive.
Then it gets you into a mind strom...you become dyfuctional or paralized with too much thinking of fears.

 

[Steel]

First off, OCD is an anxiety disorder.. so anything in life that makes you feel anxious will exasperate the symptoms.

OCD is complicated, as a mental condition a sufferer is all to aware that they have it. The secret of defeating it is to intentionally break the ritualistic behaviours and thought patterns; deep down you know that such things are ridiculous... and I'm guessing you know that such things harm your life, rather than protect you from bad things happening.

As for defeating it, behavioural therapies are the first choice. "Thought stopping" can be effective in this. Drugs are sometimes prescribed - I do think you need to seek medical attention to help, if that is available, so at least you may discuss your options.

As for the bully (for that is what he is... people may be bullied no matter what their age) - calm refusal to play his game is possibly the best option. Block him from your MSN, after all, he is not your friend. Do not go out of your way to antagonise him, yet try not to show him you are afraid.

I wish you all the best.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Deep down inside..I know i just love steel too much, I can't help it

 

[Steel]

Lmao

 

[IWTDIE]

Yeah I want to get help but with my paranoia it is so hard to even go outside nowadays because of fear of him being there, I can not control it been in my mind all the time it's just there. It's like a chunk of my brain is dedicated to that thought and especially when I'm trying to get to sleep at night I just think of that thought and all of the possible situations that I could see him and what could happen.

What also runs through my mind is the fact that I NEVER said anything about him at all, it's like all of a sudden someone told him I had said stuff about him and then given him my email - this makes me even more paranoid because who dislikes me so much that they would do this to me? It's like someone went into my brain and saw that I was quite scared of this person in the first person anyways and decided to just screw me over by making him think I had said stuff about him. I hate this situation. I hate everything about it. I can't sleep at night, and I don't want to wake up in the morning. It's so draining and I feel so alone because I've secluded myself and I know would be rubbish company anyways feeling like this because I can't concentrate on anything for too long without it coming back into my brain.

 

[IWTDIE]

and I can't move in with anyone because I already live with my parents I'm only 17 and my only other options would be my sisters but they both have their own families - the last thing I wanna do is tell anyone anyways they'd just call me a pussy I hate the insensitivity of this world

 

[Lonesome Crow]

You're taking positive steps by talking and writing about it.

I had sort of the same problem with being obsessive with someone.
I was very angery at this person, but there was nothing I can do
to change this person..but all the thoughts just runs through my mind
becuase of my obsesive thinking. It feeds into itself becuase
my mind counldn't resolved it...so on gose the complusion.
Then i became dysfunctional..yeap i couldn't consentrate on
my work or anything. Little task became a big obsticle for me.

Writing about it helps me. Writing about my problems, putting it
down on pager helps alot...it takes the problems and worries out of my head.
It's bascailly letting go.

mmmm...I also pray for this person...that's the direction my sponsor
gave me...Oh well...whatever works.
I don't want to have obsesive hate thoughts of this person anymore,
it makes me feel like crap.

well...That's why I work the 12 steps program...I give my problems
in my head to my Higher Power to solve for me...My Higher Power has
unlimited power and can solve anything...My problems can go spining
in my Higher Power's thinking. ...whatever works.
Dain..my brain ain't dead that's for sure...lol

In the mean time I just focus on being positive and being happy.
Doing my work or fun stuff.

It just takes practice...5 mins at a time at first.
I even wear a rubbber band around my wrist.
I snap it to snap myself out of negative thoughts.
I meditate too...I'm more aware of whats going on in my mind
and I catch myself faster or nip those negative thinking right
at the begining so that it dosn't start spining in my head.
My thoughts drives my emotions..it depends sometimes I'll
react..if I'm pissed -off (which is no good) other times I won't
react but go inward or introverted...and not do anything and
just feel bad and depressed....which is not also good.

I'm also learned how to use this obsession and complusion
to my advantage. Well..if I can obseses on negative crap and
feel bad...maybe I can think about positive stuff and let that
go spining in my mind...so I'll feel good.

I play the guitar like a madman sometimes.
Lots and lots of repetious practice...
err.. i became obsessed with playing my guitars at times.
Some poeple can't play becuase they don't practice.lol
God granted me talent.

Howard Huges...you know...he made all those air craft for the
government. It took alot of descipline..but since howard was
a little bit obsessive about things...he was able to overcome
certain obsticles and work through alot of projects. Some people
would have to strive thier damnest to have perseverance...lol
The spurt goose...it flew.LOL

maybe you can look up Ala Teen in your area.
maybe talk to your parents about your problems or challenges you have.
Don't be afriad to ask for help...

mmm...in the mean time screw what that dude say.
I mean he's not going to be hooking you up with a super model anytime soon is he ?
So why worry....

 

[SilentThinker]

Worry less I guess..

I am not really sure what is OCD but I do know what to do with the bully..

One of the tactics I used oftenly is to ignore them or befriend them..Telling someone close to you may do the trick of clearing your worries..

 

[IWTDIE]

I can't ignore it because I have OCD which makes me have no control of my thoughts, E.G - Don't think of an elephant - what comes into my head?

Now I'm stuck with this thought, and now I'm starting to imagine ways of murdering this person which is even more disturbing

I can't focus on being happy because I know that I have to walk to work 4 times a week and there is a risk of him getting me so now I just drain myself with worry thinking about the next time i have to walk through the area to get to work

I'm not going to tell anyone they will think I'm a coward and even if I did tell anyone they couldn't do anything it's my problem and it's up to me to overcome it, I've started to pray alot more because of this and am hoping for a resolution soon such as him going to prison, or someone who he has bullied in the past coming back to get him because he has harassed so many people.

 

[evanescencefan91]

lol the elepahant thing is common among many of us, it's called the imp of perverse. i think i learned about it from nevermore some long time ago, since it's common in edgar allan poe.

but it's like when someone tells you not to itch your nose, and you're nose starts to itch.

it's becuase when you say don't think of an elephant, when you menton elephant it's already in your mind and it's tempting you to think of it.

I've had GAD ever since i was like ten (generalized anxeity disorder) it started out of hypocondria becuase i remember then there was all this stuff on tv about cancer, so i was always afraid of having or getting cancer. then it started to fear of car accidents or someone i love dying, it got to be so bad that i could rarely even sleep alone. So i was checked out and diagnosed with GAD and i've been on medication for it ever since then. I've also been becoming a bit of agermaphobe, it really isn't severe i just won't share by drinks with anyone. Hey no why don't you give your menigities to youfreind instead huh! get you own drink! my mother thinks i'm crazy which pisses me off.


having OCD doesn't mean your a coward, and only someone incredaiably insensitive would think that

 

[SophiaGrace]

I can't ignore it because I have OCD which makes me have no control of my thoughts, E.G - Don't think of an elephant - what comes into my head?

Now I'm stuck with this thought, and now I'm starting to imagine ways of murdering this person which is even more disturbing

I can't focus on being happy because I know that I have to walk to work 4 times a week and there is a risk of him getting me so now I just drain myself with worry thinking about the next time i have to walk through the area to get to work

I'm not going to tell anyone they will think I'm a coward and even if I did tell anyone they couldn't do anything it's my problem and it's up to me to overcome it, I've started to pray alot more because of this and am hoping for a resolution soon such as him going to prison, or someone who he has bullied in the past coming back to get him because he has harassed so many people.

I would see if you cant go to the police about this. People wont think you are a coward for standing up to him. If he truely terrorizes the neighborhood then other people will view you as being brave, not cowardly.

But to further help you get an account on here: Psychcentral.com

There is a section just for OCD . Its a forum and it has an active chatroom ect ect

I have an account there. The people there are very helpful.

Oh and uh the prayer thing is just another ritual associated with your OCD.

 

[IWTDIE]

It is really hard though, because the compulsions I do in OCD are to stop bad things from happening right? Well one of the things that made me paranoid and I feared happening was him coming after me and now I worry that after he gets me it will then move onto personal with my family and it just gets worse and worse and I wouldnt be able to do anything towards his family cause they're real rough so it's like I feel stuck, sort of betrayed that even though I did compulsions and am trying to avoid confrontation of this sort, it is so ironic that the one person in a good few years whos wanted to fight me/threaten me is the guy I really didn't want to and was afraid of. It feels like a bad dream come true, and I am starring in it. This going along with the fact I stopped smoking weed I stopped smoking weed because it was making me paranoid anyway but I knew if I smoked weed and had the thought of him coming for me in my head then it would be even worse while I was high. So I've had to deal with the withdrawal of weed after like 3 years and the paranoia of what is going to happen with him in the near future, the one person I've wanted to avoid is after me and no one can help me

 

[Skorian]

If some gang banger is really out to get you then how is that paranoia? Is it paranoid to realize that if your a buisness there is a chance you will be robbed? If someone stalkes you then it's not paranoia to be uncomfortable about that. Or even to worry about what they might do. Fear is normal, everyone normal has it.

Try concentrating on just taking deep breaths when your losing it.

 

[IWTDIE]

No because I had paranoia about it happening in the first place before it even happened because I knew alot of people around my area were having trouble with him, and now it has come true - and I don't think the amount of time I spend thinking about it is natural I can't concentrate I wake up and remember it everyday for atleast a month and I don't know it just wont go away it puts me down from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep my mind always reminds me he is out to get me and it just makes me not be able to enjoy anything.

 

[Skorian]

Well if it's really happening to people, then how is that paranoia? Sounds like you were just worried it would happen to you too. And your worries were justified, because loo and behold they did happen. Sounds to me your not even so worried as much as in the grips of fear.

I have news for you. Our whole country went to war in Iraq over unrealistic stupid fears. Which is really foolish since we did what our enemys wanted in the first place. We want to believe we are in control, but the truth is over the last several years we have just been their pawns.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Well if it's really happening to people, then how is that paranoia? Sounds like you were just worried it would happen to you too. And your worries were justified, because loo and behold they did happen. Sounds to me your not even so worried as much as in the grips of fear.

I have news for you. Our whole country went to war in Iraq over unrealistic stupid fears. Which is really foolish since we did what our enemys wanted in the first place. We want to believe we are in control, but the truth is over the last several years we have just been their pawns.

evidently you don't have OCD or OCPD.

Errr...you know, just like the shrink thread.
Like you said...a shrink will only have his/her experince..not that of the patient.
You also state that some shrink gives bad advice or input which will make the patient feel more ****** up.

 

[Skorian]

Well if it's really happening to people, then how is that paranoia? Sounds like you were just worried it would happen to you too. And your worries were justified, because loo and behold they did happen. Sounds to me your not even so worried as much as in the grips of fear.

I have news for you. Our whole country went to war in Iraq over unrealistic stupid fears. Which is really foolish since we did what our enemys wanted in the first place. We want to believe we are in control, but the truth is over the last several years we have just been their pawns.

evidently you don't have OCD or OCPD.

Errr...you know, just like the shrink thread.
Like you said...a shrink will only have his/her experince..not that of the patient.
You also state that some shrink gives bad advice or input which will make the patient feel more ****** up.

Ya, I don't really quite think you understand what I am saying. Also my argument renders everyone's advice on such things of equal value. Meaning that shrinks don't really have any greater unique insight into anything then simply anyone. This persons fears seem pretty valid to me. Worries and fears are not a disease. Everyone has them.

I am not saying they aren't perhaps a little exaggerated, but then I am really not in a position to tell just how dangerous this fellow is. To say they are paranoid however is a bit ridiculous. Unless of course the whole thing is imaginary.

Considering some of what you have said about yourself, I would say you have valid reasons to have your own problems. It's not really a disorder so much as a reaction to negative experiences.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

As I said evidently you don't have OCD or OCPD.

I never said his fears are invalid...it the obsessive and complusive...fear is just one of the many things
a person with OCD will obessed on. When the obessive and complusive is centered around fears..making
a wish or pretending OCD is not in the equation, one will draw a wrong conclusion.

Duh...evidently life dosn't center around your thinking....consider that.

wtf ???...I have an allergic reaction to bee stings...what kind of experince do you think I'm going to have
verse a person that's not allergic to a bee sting ?