Odd Mindset

[MaNavu]

I've gotten to a point mentally in which I hope for death as happiness is a feeling I have not experienced in years and will not become within my grasp for even longer. Hope has become more so a pair of bullies playing keep away with me. I cannot get out of this mindset as my job contractually binds me to a life style that feeds into my mindset. I cannot talk about the nature of my work. Suffice it to say, I cannot move, meet new people, do new things, et cetera. I desperately want to have a purpose but I am but a fumbling fool, my future holds no promise. At this juncture I do not want to see my tale continue.

 

[perfanoff]

There is always a way out, and a way to happiness, other than ending your life. Sure, it may be more difficult and take more time but unless you believe in heaven or stuff like that, you will not find happiness in death.

 

[Dissident]

Quit your job and couchsurf?

 

[ladyforsaken]

my future holds no promise

Nobody's does. It's unpredictable. No matter what or who you are. **** happens, when **** wants to happen. But you can always try to get the good out of life as much as you can. No matter how many times you fall, you keep going. Why limit your life opportunities by ending it? No purpose.. look for it.. if you can't find it.. make it.

 

[Love]

You wouldn't happen to be a doctor by any chance now would you? I can only think having people die table after table could have a negative effect on you. It is an appealing job in terms of money and being beneficial to humankind. But of course, there will be those that do it for the former and that is when you are met with the dissatisfaction of life.

You could, in theory, abandon your post. I would guess that to elect something else that provides as much benefits as the previous job, one would have to go back to school. In doing so the only thing standing in your way could be money or time.

However, I believe in doing something that you enjoy will truly reward you in the end.

If you find that you cannot leave your job then you can always use your spare time to volunteer within the community. I think that in doing so you may find out more about yourself in terms of what you like and what you're destined to do.

To me, life never had a purpose. We simply exist. It is up to the individual to enjoy his/her existence.

 

[MaNavu]

perfanoff, I'm not intending to find happiness anymore, I just have no desire left to hunt it down. A death would bring that hunt to a close with no more illusion of hope.

Dissident, I would love nothing more. However, as previously inferred, I'm contractually bound to my job for years to come.

ladyforsaken, though you are correct, I believe I should have used the word "prospect" instead of promise to convey the thought.

Love, I am not a doctor but my position is as glorified in a way I suppose. Similarly, however, it does leave me with very little personal time to do things such as volunteer.

 

[Dissident]

The only job to which I can see you being "contractually bound" is the military.