Old ghost revisit.

[Johnnie]

Hello everyone,
I am new here, came across this forum when looking for some help with something should be well forgotten and moved on from.
I am 48 years old and was born with a cleft palate. This unfortunately made me a target for abuse and bullying throuhout my childhood and early adulthood ( I am sure behind my back even today).
I learnt very early girls were not all sugar and spice! I was certainly not a boy to be seen dead with.
To cut to the chase I was 24 before I had my first girlfriend. The years from the age of 14-24 were very lonely and painful.
I have a lovely partner now. She dated from the age of 10 so doesn't understand at all were I came from.
So why the ghosts returning?
My step grand son started high school 2 days ago, out going, confident, good looking, 11 years old and girls all over him, walked a girl home yesterday. I am pleased he will never know the pain I did.....but my ghosts are haunting me again!
Why couldn't I had waled a girl home! Why didn't one girl smile at me, say something nice to me!
This should have been left well behind, BUT the pain is as bad as it was 40 years a go!
Anyone with similar background who can understand?
Thank you
John

 

[LoneKiller]

Hi Johnnie. Welcome to the forum.

Your step grandson is 11yo and in high school? Seems a little young. Then again, when I went to high school it was like 20 years ago. Maybe things have changed. I wouldn't waste too much time focusing on all of the girls your 11yo step grandson gets. Girls and boys at that age don't know what the hell they want in a companion.

Sounds like you have an important lady in your life who must really care for you. That's always nice. Especially these days. Focus on what you have. Not what you don't.

Godspeed.
LK

 

[Johnnie]

Thank you LK.
In the UK we call it secondary school.
I agree 100% with you and I have moved on and generally happy and positive.
This thread if anything is about the momery and pain of loneliness and isolation that can be vividly awaken inside you from the most trivial trigger.
John