OMG, I AM SO DUMB! HELP!

[Lonesome Crow]

Africans are not monkeys living in jungles, hunting and whooping around the fire. Even the Kung Bushmen have switched to a more sedentary means of life, with hunting and gathering having not only been abandoned but almost completely forgotten.

Please get an education and have a nice day.

dude...you're one of those men that thinks women are just objects..
something to be own or had....that's your mentality.

The reason why Echant writes this is becuase she simply
felt rejected and second guessing herself. Her womanhood
It's ******* with her self esteem and retriggering a lot
of negative emotions inside of her..
As if it's wrong for her to love someone and express her feelings.
There's nothing wrong with her,,,it's just her BF isnt on the same page as she is.

My ex-wf asked me out. it's not any differnent then her asking me to marry her. She spoke of marrige of course. I was pretty secure.
When she told me she was pregnant. I was happy.
The day my daughter was born as the best day and moment i had
in my life.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Enough, LC. Seriously dude, contain yourself.

Keep it on track.

 

[Peter Lorre]

lol

Well, if he's going to freak out over something like that... then I guess he's just a *****. What you did isn't that bad.

[Sorry for putting it that way, been listening to too many songs by Trey Parker and Matt Stone.]

 

[tangerinedream]

lol

Well, if he's going to freak out over something like that... then I guess he's just a *****. What you did isn't that bad.

[Sorry for putting it that way, been listening to too many songs by Trey Parker and Matt Stone.]

+1

 

[PedroSilva]

lol

Well, if he's going to freak out over something like that... then I guess he's just a *****. What you did isn't that bad.

[Sorry for putting it that way, been listening to too many songs by Trey Parker and Matt Stone.]

+1

+1

 

[SophiaGrace]

I get quite attached to people I date as well, so I emphasize with you. Unfortunately I think attachment works differently for most people so we (the clingers) tend not to get what we want/need.

Of course I have to admit that I HATE that I am emotionally dependant on the people I date nowadays. I limit the amount of time I spend with them, rushing off on my own schedule.

I hate feeling vulnerable and dependant upon someone else emotionally. =/

But well, isn't there something fundamentally wrong if you cannot trust your partner(who is supposedly in love with you) with emotional needs when you need them?

I don't know, would there be something wrong if that was the case?

 

[ShybutHi]

My boyfriend and I have been dating 7 months and I live with him.

So, I did something really dumb. I tend to idealize the people I date and be very attached to them. It doesn't help that I am a lonely/isolated person.

And last night, I felt really appreciative of him and said,"You know, I love you so much that if you wanted to get married tomorrow, I'd do it."

Obviously, he freaked out. I told him that I didn't want to get married tomorrow, just that my heart felt dedicated to him and he said that I was probably just infatuated.

I'm not infatuated, but I am an *****. He isn't freaking out so far, but this is the mistake I always make. I get really attached and dedicate myself completely to a guy and they don't do it the same. (Although I'm usually not THIS stupid about it.) I messed up already though and I don't know how to take it back and make him unafraid of me freaking out and starting to pressure him about marriage because I wasn't going to do that and he said I needed to understand it would be a long time and I am okay with that.

Just don't be super critical okay? I'm always the one rejected in relationships and I know I get attached too fast and that no one can love someone like me because its freaky or whatever. I hear it all the time about how I am unlovable for being this way. Just tell me what to do to fix it. I already hate myself enough.

Well it could sure come as a shock to some I mean you said you have only been going out for 7 months. Honestly If I had a girlfriend though and knew that she tended to get a bit emotionaly attached I would probably think it was quite cute if she said something like that.

Instead of freaking out I think he should embrace the fact that you like him and are comfortable enough with him to even say something like what you said.

Maybe in the future you should just try not to exaggerate your feelings quite as much as you did though.

 

[Kindrasaurus]

There isn't really anything you can do to make the other person feel better about saying the love and marriage words. I'm normally on the other side of people becoming attach to quickly. I always feel bad because in my mind I think how could that person feel that way if I don't feel that way. He is probably a logical person 7 months is not enough time to be thinking about forever. On the other hand if he is committed to the relationship I don't think he will use this as an excuse to distant himself. I don't think you should really do anything taking back what you said or trying to "fix it" would make you look insincere. Instead you should be like.. well that's how I felt in the moment I'm allowed to feel how I like.. but I wont pressure you into anything you don't want.. I'm not that kind of girl. If he doesn't respect that then he isn't worth it.

 

[IgnoredOne]

I don't know, would there be something wrong if that was the case?

If you cannot depend on the person you love and possibly spend the rest of your life with to support you emotionally when you need it, doesn't that sound at least a bit concerning? Of course, if you're just spending time with them now and have no expectations of the long-term, then I suppose that's perfectly workable.

But if you are...if you can't depend on them for kindness when you feel down, can you depend on them when you're too sick to work? When you're old? If life turns against you both and you have to hack it to survive?

 

[VanillaCreme]

Not everyone is the same with relationships. Perhaps he was freaked out, because he doesn't really care about marriage. Or maybe he feels like people getting attached isn't the best thing. So, it really depends on what he thinks for this situation.

 

[Luna]

Just play it off and carry on.
I really don't think it's that big of a deal.
If it's enough to scare him away, then it's not meant to be.

I've met people on first dates where they were direct and said "I'm looking for someone to marry in the future."

Then you have the people who either are unsure or never want to get married.

It's always like this...women can't even mention the subject of marriage for fear that their partner will run away. We have to sit and wait for the man to be ready - but he may never be or already knows that it is not you that he wants to marry.

 

[Enchanted Girl]

Okay, well, here's an update and a few responses to what you guys said.

First of all, weirdly, this wasn't the first time we ever mentioned marriage. We've actually said it was a possibility before, but it was never like,"I absolutely would if we could right now" or whatever. So that was part of why I said it. D=

It turns out that he wasn't freaked out. I just had a weird moment because my ex was so freaked out by commitment (was with him for five years and he wouldn't even agree to live in the same TOWN with me) and thought he was feeling the same as my ex because he didn't say something romantic back. He asked me if I was sure it wasn't just infatuation and started lecturing me on how it was impractical financially and I interpreted that to mean that I sounded crazy to him. (Even though I agree that its impractical financially right now) Because he didn't say something romantic in return.

He said he questioned me because he felt the same way but isn't used to girls returning feelings like that and thought I might not really feel it. He wanted me to know that we can't discuss it seriously until he feels financially ready. (And I told him I wasn't trying to discuss it seriously, just portray my feelings and that I agree with him.)

We are both actually clingy/co-dependent people, which someone in this thread mentioned. I was surprised I could find a guy that was the same as me and he was surprised to find a girl that was the same as him. (We've both dated distant, angry people.) So I got so confused and hurt yesterday when he freaked out. Because I don't want to mess what we have up.

XD But I don't think I'm going to say anything like that again for awhile.

And I'm in no rush to have a baby. LOL. Just have to say that since it was mentioned in this thread. I'll freak out if I get accidently pregnant.

I just feel in love.

 

[IgnoredOne]

I'm glad See, nothing to freak out about!

 

[freedom]

hey there!

i'm sure things will turn out all right. we all say things in the heat of the moment. your bf probably doesn't feel any pressure for getting married. he said, "you're probably just infatuated". that means that he knows you're not being serious. don't worry. it'll pass.

also, i have to agree with you that getting too attached like that is a mistake. i wouldn't move in with someone even if we were together for seven months. living together is a huge commitment, and even if you're both willing to commit to it, in my conservative views on relationships, it's still a rash decision.

best of luck to both of you!!!

 

[SofiasMami]

i'm sure things will turn out all right. we all say things in the heat of the moment.

I agree totally. I laughed a little to myself after reading the original post because we've all said and done things like that (even guys do too) and thought afterward WTF was I thinking? Sounds like things are fine between you two and you're not too stressed out about it now. Good luck to the both of you-

Teresa

 

[Limlim]

How dare he respond rationally! I am taking away his man card!

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Honest communications is always good,
Since you both are awear that you both have emotional bagages
from previous relationships....
There tools avaliable to release and let go of those negative
thoughts and feelings so that it dosnt continue to effect your
relationship in a negative way.

I use the sedana method. it had helped me alot. And healing me.
I too tend to lose myself in relationships...especailly with Renae.
Renae and my relationship had been stromy from the very start.
My codependency kind of centers around this particular relationship.
We have a duaghter together. I'm always going have ties with her
and our daugther. All of us needs the healing.
My daughter had been asking me for help and reaching out to me.

Anyway I'm using the sedona to asist me in release or let go of my negative thoughts and emotions....such as pains.
There's also 12 steps program..you might be awear of this.

Good luck to the both of you. Hopes everything works out.