people are feeling sorry for me

[putter65]

I'm getting alot of advice at the moment from people at work. They are all women by the way. They are telling me to 'get out more', or 'socialize' or 'join a club and mix with people' or 'try a dating agencies'

I know they are trying to help. But I'm not a person who can mix or mingle with people. Or socialize. However chatty I am at work.

I guess they think I am terribly unhappy at the moment. But I am happy enough. They all have friends and family and are always doing stuff. I don't think they understand how I live my life. When I do stuff, it's by myself, like the bike ride at weekend. None of them would do anything like that. They always go with people even if it's going to the shops.

I hope this feeling sorry for me passes because I am okay.

 

[Astral_Punisher]

Maybe it's just that they don't understand how you feel about being alone. Maybe for them, being alone is the worst thing that can happen, and for yourself, it just isn't quite as bad as they think.
Not sure what you could say to keep them from trying to casually 'match-make' you.
It seems to be a common thing for ladies to enjoy 'matching' up single men with women, even if all they tell you is to 'join a club'. If you meet a woman while at said 'club', then the lady that recommended it can feel as though she helped you 'get your match' (even though you have done nearly all the work, lol).

I'm sure that these women at work think you're on okay guy, or else they wouldn't be talking to you at all, so that's kind of a nice compliment!

 

[Montreal Skye]

I'm guessing they know all about the scam too right? You said that many of your co-workers were against it all, that could be it. Maybe it's not so much pity than it is genuine compassion.

 

[putter65]

Maybe it's just that they don't understand how you feel about being alone. Maybe for them, being alone is the worst thing that can happen, and for yourself, it just isn't quite as bad as they think.
Not sure what you could say to keep them from trying to casually 'match-make' you.
It seems to be a common thing for ladies to enjoy 'matching' up single men with women, even if all they tell you is to 'join a club'. If you meet a woman while at said 'club', then the lady that recommended it can feel as though she helped you 'get your match' (even though you have done nearly all the work, lol).

I'm sure that these women at work think you're on okay guy, or else they wouldn't be talking to you at all, so that's kind of a nice compliment!

I think most of the women at work do like me. I'm one of those likeable loser types.

---

I'm guessing they know all about the scam too right? You said that many of your co-workers were against it all, that could be it. Maybe it's not so much pity than it is genuine compassion.

most know, I told them. I opened my mouth too much.

They all know about what happened at xmas too. And the other crap before that. I have been a disaster for the last 2 years and most people know. Thats why they feel sorry for me. The advice is to cheer me up I guess.

 

[Gutted]

Pfft! If you are okay in your own company then appreciate what people tell you, but don't let it bother you I like solo bike rides too. It's great that you can be independent and happy. Be proud!

 

[Montreal Skye]

The advice is to cheer me up I guess.

Cheering you up is nice as long as they don't overdo it though, then it kind of becomes insulting doesn't it? I had a neighbour once whose mission it seemed was to "fix" me because I was alone all the time. I know his intentions were good, but I definitely grew tired of it because I was enjoying my solitude. The ultimate problem was that even though I told him I preferred to be alone, he wouldn't accept it and kept hounding me. His idea of happiness was a social life, so he couldn't see my point of view. Rather annoying and I actually ended up moving.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Why not try out any of those activities? See if you like it?

 

[perfanoff]

They do have a point though. If you go out and put yourself out there good things (among all things) are bound to happen.

 

[putter65]

The advice is to cheer me up I guess.

Cheering you up is nice as long as they don't overdo it though, then it kind of becomes insulting doesn't it? I had a neighbour once whose mission it seemed was to "fix" me because I was alone all the time. I know his intentions were good, but I definitely grew tired of it because I was enjoying my solitude. The ultimate problem was that even though I told him I preferred to be alone, he wouldn't accept it and kept hounding me. His idea of happiness was a social life, so he couldn't see my point of view. Rather annoying and I actually ended up moving.

It wasn't that bad today, I think it will die down.

But yes I understand why you got upset with your neighbour. We are so different to everybody else, they don't understand.

---

They do have a point though. If you go out and put yourself out there good things (among all things) are bound to happen.

Not sure, Ive joined clubs, teams or groups in the past and never really been welcomed or enjoyed it.

But I agree staying in doesn't help.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Not sure, Ive joined clubs, teams or groups in the past and never really been welcomed or enjoyed it.

But I agree staying in doesn't help.

I think that you should pick something that you have an interest in already, and work from that. If there's a skill or knowledge that you think it would be cool to have, see if you can work from there.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I'm one of those likeable loser types.

Honestly, when people say things like that, I would have to think twice about them being okay. When you call yourself a loser, it's usually a put-down. Putting yourself down would otherwise suggest not being okay, at least that's what I would think.

 

[putter65]

I'm one of those likeable loser types.

Honestly, when people say things like that, I would have to think twice about them being okay. When you call yourself a loser, it's usually a put-down. Putting yourself down would otherwise suggest not being okay, at least that's what I would think.

well I don't think I'm a loser, far from it. Other people think that. How do I know ? Just an educated guess based on life experiences.