I am a 30 year old, twice divorced and pregnant with my third baby.... I have a new boyfriend of 2 yrs but I am so lonely. I push everybody away it seems, and I always choose the most difficult people and try to be with them. It is the most frustrating thing to me to try and do right by people but constantly be made to feel like it is in vain. I hate myself in so many ways, my color, my hair, my shape, my personality, I hate myself so much that I don't even want my children or my mother around me because I am afraid they will see just how much I hate myself. I push them away, I am very mean to them when I don't have to be. This didn't just begin though, I have always hated myself.