Potentially broken up a couple?! Argh!

[nerdygirl]

You're probably not the first person who heard he was living with an ex. He lied in the first place, which means he was thinking about this all along. Who knows how many girls have heard the BS? Even if this situation breaks them up, it's not YOU who did it, it's HIM.

 

[kelbo]

I am a little freaked out today. She kept ringing me last night at gone 1am, so I had to put my phone on silent so then I could sleep.

Also she text me too saying: "Hi kelly it's lucy dru's GF. First of all thank u for not contacting dru. I spoke to him and his version differs from yours. I need you to tell me what happened when you got back to our flat. What time it was. Where you were. When you were kissing etc. Whatever you can remember. As long as you are truthful with me I am fine with you. I will diockalalalalalalon find out the entire truth eventually and if I find out you have lied to me I wont be happy. I also want to know if sleeping together was discussed. Be honest with me no matter how bad it is and you wont have any trouble from me. As i said earlier do not contact dru, I will find out if you do. Appreciate your help."

What if she doesn't ever leave me alone?! Or if she starts trying to get in touch face-to-face? She obviously isn't letting this go, I'm a bit scared now!

 

[Badjedidude]

It sounds like you're going to have to get rude with her. Just make SURE she knows that NOTHING went down...that you didn't actually have ***. She's obviously a control-freak, if not quite a bit nutty. You're just going to have to tell her that it was an HONEST MISTAKE and that you didn't have ***...and that from now on you want nothing to do with either of them.

And if that doesn't calm her down...then I guess you should see how things go from there. *shrug*

*HUG* I hope things work out, I really do. -_- It's never fun when something like this happens.

 

[AndrewM]

Don't have anything to do with her. Make sure you keep all her correspondence. If she keeps bothering you, get a restraining order.

Keep in mind that she may be unhinged and that she may not even be in a relationship with this guy anymore. Perhaps she only thinks that she is. Or perhaps this whole thing is an attempt to make him feel guilty so that he'll take her back. Or perhaps she's suing him and this is part of an attempt to get information. The point is, you don't really know what the story. So don't start feeling that you owe her anything on the basis that you may have broken up their relationship. That may not be true. And anyway, you certainly don't want to get caught up in these people's mind games. I'd keep my distance and just try to get on with life as normal.

 

[Zak]

Get in touch with cops. Trust me, thats the only way. I kinda am getting a feeling that you dont have enough guts to tell her to **** off. so best way is to get help and that is only gonna get from cops. Call 911 and tell them the whole story and that this woman is threatening you with phone calls now.

 

[Mysis]

Give her **** for calling you so late.

So she's pissed off... Big deal... So she's saying scary things... Who cares?

You've told her everything, so you don't owe her a damned thing. Being pissed off doesn't entitle you to be answered at whatever hour you want to be answered at.

If she's a parent then there's no way in hell she's going to risk jail time for assault charges because of unconfirmed suspicions that you slept with her boyfriend. That would just be unrealistically stupid of her. She's more likely to harm herself then go that far out of her way and risk that much just to harm you.

I'll bet that this woman's weak and pathetic, and finding out about her boyfriend cheating just made her feel even more pathetic, so tormenting you and threatening you like some big hot shot that nobody can **** with is her way of regaining her sense of strength.

Make it clear that you don't care that she's pissed, because she's being a dumb ***** and taking it out on you, and that you're giving her a final warning about this harassment before you see to it that it's put to an end.

If you're going to act like you're afraid of her and wont do anything about it, then she's just going to keep this up.

 

[nerdygirl]

Don't talk to her on the phone. Carry out all communication via text so you have record of it. I'd suggest informing her that you don't want to hear from either of them ever again, and that you're willing to get a restraining order on both of them if the harassment continues. Save all texts as evidence.

or... you can have me chat with her, in person. I haven't had an outlet for my sadism in quite some time.

 

[shells]

Get in touch with cops. Trust me, thats the only way. I kinda am getting a feeling that you dont have enough guts to tell her to **** off. so best way is to get help and that is only gonna get from cops. Call 911 and tell them the whole story and that this woman is threatening you with phone calls now.

This.

Don't talk to her on the phone. Carry out all communication via text so you have record of it. I'd suggest informing her that you don't want to hear from either of them ever again, and that you're willing to get a restraining order on both of them if the harassment continues. Save all texts as evidence.

Annnnd, this.

She is harassing you now and that is completely out of line. You aren't responsible for this. The scum-**** boyfriend is.

 

[Minus]

I am a little freaked out today....

She too is going through a difficult time. You can be sure that this ******* is lying to her as easily as he lied to you. Undoubtedly the guy is gas-lighting her and she doesn't know what to believe. You are the only way she has to check on whatever story that he is telling her. As far as not contacting him, that is a basic step on his part that he needs to take if he wishes to salvage things with her. She had been deceived and betrayed by the person that she loves. This has greatly shaken her.

Still there is no need for her to be calling you in the middle of the night. If you choose to help her, as someone suggested, then you should consider having her limit it to text. No middle of the night calls no matter how much his actions haunt her during the quiet hours. There also is no need for implied threats on her part.

After such a betrayal on his part, she will be on an emotional roller coaster ride for quite awhile.

Statements like "First of all thank u for not contacting dru." and "Appreciate your help." seem to sound like she is starting to pull together after discovering the betrayal.

 

[Mysis]

And am I the only one wondering what "diockalalalalalalon" is supposed to mean?

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Well Kelbo...you can always cut her out of your life...
or you can tell her what she wants to hear.
No matter what you say to her it's not going to make her feel better.
She's very angery and hurted. She's reacting to it.

She's very hurt...you know this.
Her BF or whatever he is to her cheated on her.
She's in shock and having a hell of a time processing it and accepting it.

What's done is done...wheather it's just a kiss or having intercourse.
It is him...it's his relationship with her. You must understand this.
It has nothing to do with you. You didn't hurt her...He did.

Ultimately she's going have to resolve all of the hurt she has within herself.
You know this...you too have been hurted before.
And you too are getting hurted too by all of this.

You gotta establish boundaries with her. Not drown or lose yourself in her dramma and trumma.

All the guilt and shame will drive you into drinking again.
If you feel you need to forgive yourself for making a mistake...then do so.
Forgive someone else is not the easiest thing in the world...Forgiving ourselves that's twice as hard for me

 

[cheaptrickfan]

And am I the only one wondering what "diockalalalalalalon" is supposed to mean?

Nope. Kind of wondered about that myself.

 

[kelbo]

Thanks all of you, for your support. It has been such a weird two days with this. She hasn't rang me or contacted me again after that.

I messaged her back this morning (before I had read all of your replies telling me not to!) saying: "Hi lucy. I understand that it must be hard for you to discover this out and I know you want all of the facts, but I have told you everything I know. As far as I'm concerned I didnt know he had a girlfriend, i thought he lived with his ex-girlfriend, we definitely didn't have ***, and it was just a stupid drunken thing. It was quite a while ago now and I don't even remember. I have told you all I know & I will stay away. Sorry about what happened but as I said, I honestly didnt even know you existed (a girlfriend, that is)."

She hasn't replied. I'm hoping she won't and will just let it go. fingers crossed I don't get phone calls late at night tonight...

 

[Minus]

It sounds like you did well.