Questions for the Women

[SophiaGrace]

..but it's true.

It's not true in my book…

:/

I dated two guys who were molested as children.

It wasn't their fault…

 

[Solivagant]

Well, not to start an argument, but I might suggest that what people say and how they really feel are often different. Not that you're deliberately being dishonest, it's just that course a lot of women would want to be fair minded about this issue while underneath still feeling uncomfortable with the idea of bonding to a man with this background. That's human nature and not a poke specifically at women here, I can understand it. If you're genuinely relaxed about it then that's fine, and yes I was interested in opinions.

Well I think I know how to mean what I say. I am self-aware, I know who I am and I know how I'd feel, and I don't understand why I even have to say that. If you're not going to take me at my word then why am I bothering to tell you what I think? Why even ask for opinions if you're only going to dismiss the ones that don't affirm your worldview? It sounds like you'd already made up your mind.

I'm not trying to start an argument either, or pester you. Honestly I just don't know why I even bother replying to posts anymore when people have predetermined that my personal opinion will be fallacious or disingenuous if it's not what they want to hear.

*Sigh*. Goodnight.

 

[ladyforsaken]

*sigh*

*hugs* Solivagant & Sophia

 

[VanillaCreme]

Well, not to start an argument, but I might suggest that what people say and how they really feel are often different. Not that you're deliberately being dishonest, it's just that course a lot of women would want to be fair minded about this issue while underneath still feeling uncomfortable with the idea of bonding to a man with this background. That's human nature and not a poke specifically at women here, I can understand it. If you're genuinely relaxed about it then that's fine, and yes I was interested in opinions.

Well I think I know how to mean what I say. I am self-aware, I know who I am and I know how I'd feel, and I don't understand why I even have to say that. If you're not going to take me at my word then why am I bothering to tell you what I think? Why even ask for opinions if you're only going to dismiss the ones that don't affirm your worldview? It sounds like you'd already made up your mind.

I'm not trying to start an argument either, or pester you. Honestly I just don't know why I even bother replying to posts anymore when people have predetermined that my personal opinion will be fallacious or disingenuous if it's not what they want to hear.

*Sigh*. Goodnight.

I enjoy reading what you have to say. Because I know, above all else, you're at least honest, even if it's not what anyone wants to hear. Don't let anyone trying to sweep something under the carpet deter you from speaking your mind.

But let's not argue about the topic, yeah? Someone asked a question, a few answers were put out there. It's perfectly fine if we have different views about things.

 

[Rainbows]

Do you have many male friends who aren't already part of your boyfriend's/partner's social circle?

I don't have a boyfriend or whatever but, 99% of my friends are male. I just don't get along with females that well (Drama, jealousy, blahblahblah..); Or maybe just because I generally don't like things that are considered girly so that gets me into more male-populated communities.

If my three besto's ever read this, you really are the best.

 

[SofiasMami]

unpleasant question:

Would you date the son or sibling of a child molester?

There are too many layers to this question to just give a simple yes or no answer. Since I'm a parent of a young child, my parenting radar immediately goes up on a topic like this...if my gut instinct tells me a particular person shouldn't be around my kid, then they don't get a place in my life either.

-Teresa

 

[Mr Seal The Albatros]

(I guess this question sort of applies to both genders, but anyway) I have never and will never be in a relationship, so I don't really have any experience with breakups. Let's say a friend is sad over a breakup. How could I help her feel better?

 

[SophiaGrace]

(I guess this question sort of applies to both genders, but anyway) Let's say a friend is sad over a breakup. How could I help her feel better?

Buy her ice cream of course! (first ask her what her favorite flavor is, then get her a scoop when she's not looking)

…and, also, just offer to be there for her and actually do be there for her, even if you aren't talking about said-breakup.

 

[Mr Seal The Albatros]

(I guess this question sort of applies to both genders, but anyway) Let's say a friend is sad over a breakup. How could I help her feel better?

Buy her ice cream of course! (first ask her what her favorite flavor is, then get her a scoop when she's not looking)

…and, also, just offer to be there for her and actually do be there for her, even if you aren't talking about said-breakup.

Haha. Okay. I'll keep that in mind. Thanks.

 

[ardour]

There are too many layers to this question to just give a simple yes or no answer. Since I'm a parent of a young child, my parenting radar immediately goes up on a topic like this...if my gut instinct tells me a particular person shouldn't be around my kid, then they don't get a place in my life either.

-Teresa

There was some clarification in subsequent posts - no contact with the offender, and just to be clear, the person in question isn't displaying any problematic behaviour of his own you can make out.

 

[stb]

It would stand to reason that there are women out there who would have had a similar sort of person in their family. It would be a small pool of people but a a support group or online community must exist for such people to find similarly effected people. Might be worth a bit of searching.

There are too many layers to this question to just give a simple yes or no answer. Since I'm a parent of a young child, my parenting radar immediately goes up on a topic like this...if my gut instinct tells me a particular person shouldn't be around my kid, then they don't get a place in my life either.

-Teresa

There was some clarification in subsequent posts - no contact with the offender, and just to be clear, the person in question isn't displaying any problematic behaviour of his own you can make out.

So the question is would you feel reluctant to date a seemingly normal man who's father was a paedophile.

 

[ladyforsaken]

(I guess this question sort of applies to both genders, but anyway) I have never and will never be in a relationship, so I don't really have any experience with breakups. Let's say a friend is sad over a breakup. How could I help her feel better?

Sometimes a simple acknowledgement of how they're feeling and showing concern and support, letting them know that you're there for them and that they're not alone can do wonders and can really help. Sometimes it might seem like they are not taking it in, but it's only cos it's hard for them to show their appreciation while they are heartbroken... but if they're a good friend, they will take of it and you being there will make a lot of difference.

If this is someone in your real life, you could try to hang around that person to keep them company, try to distract them from being alone and dwelling in the hurt too much. I believe that one needs to go through the hurt to get past it, not to ignore it completely, but doing it excessively isn't healthy either. So a balance would be good.

 

[Nuzzy Nuz]

Girls, I'll start this.
1.What are some of the behaviors that you find attractive in a man on a date?
2. What are some behaviors you don't like on a date?

1. When he compliments me (that is good way of making me flatter) and happens to be less nervous or even if he was nervous, he must be having a hang on how to continue the conversion coz am an easy bore knid of person and I will really appreciate it if we had lot of stuff to talk in common and definitely i would love it if he is as enthusiastic about the date as I am

2. There is nothing i could say bout this.. Definitely i would not enjoy it if he straight away goes into being personal (i mean tryna touch/ blah blah blah)

 

[TheSkaFish]

Question for the Women:

Is talking "dirty" something that a guy just has to do, in order to get a woman interested?

I realize it's something a lot of people like, but not something I think I would like. In fact, I've never done it. But I just don't think I would like it. It would make me feel like I am turning into someone I don't want to be. It seems crude and vulgar and I'm not comfortable with that. I find that it's a lot like how I feel about swearing. It just feels wrong for me to do it. But one thing that I realize about life over the years is that if you stick too hard to ideals, you defeat yourself. Sometimes you do just have to stop taking things so seriously and just play the game. There was an instance that I remember once, where talking dirty would have been appropriate (I was all but invited to) and sometimes I wonder, if I hadn't had such reservations against it, maybe I could have excited the girl. Instead, she probably felt like I missed a softball toss and just made myself look boring.

I mean, I'd like to talk romantically. I'd like to tell someone how pretty I think they are, or something about their features that lets them know I like them but still in an at least somewhat wholesome way. I just don't want to talk, well, pornographically. I don't like that stuff.

Anyway - maybe there is some way to get around this? Can a guy really excite a woman but without talking dirty? Is there something that a guy can do to take its place?

 

[ardour]

Maybe you need to give them some examples of dirty talk first, Skaman.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Please, don't.

 

[SofiasMami]

Question for the Women:

Is talking "dirty" something that a guy just has to do, in order to get a woman interested?

I realize it's something a lot of people like, but not something I think I would like. In fact, I've never done it. But I just don't think I would like it. It would make me feel like I am turning into someone I don't want to be. It seems crude and vulgar and I'm not comfortable with that. I find that it's a lot like how I feel about swearing. It just feels wrong for me to do it. But one thing that I realize about life over the years is that if you stick too hard to ideals, you defeat yourself. Sometimes you do just have to stop taking things so seriously and just play the game. There was an instance that I remember once, where talking dirty would have been appropriate (I was all but invited to) and sometimes I wonder, if I hadn't had such reservations against it, maybe I could have excited the girl. Instead, she probably felt like I missed a softball toss and just made myself look boring.

I mean, I'd like to talk romantically. I'd like to tell someone how pretty I think they are, or something about their features that lets them know I like them but still in an at least somewhat wholesome way. I just don't want to talk, well, pornographically...

If you're with someone you don't know well and you aren't comfortable talking sexy, don't do it. But if you're in a committed relationship and your partner like it and you don't, there could be some issues there.

-Teresa

 

[ladyforsaken]

I mean, I'd like to talk romantically. I'd like to tell someone how pretty I think they are, or something about their features that lets them know I like them but still in an at least somewhat wholesome way. I just don't want to talk, well, pornographically. I don't like that stuff.

Anyway - maybe there is some way to get around this? Can a guy really excite a woman but without talking dirty? Is there something that a guy can do to take its place?

No.... not if you haven't build and sort of foundation with the girl or closeness at least. I don't know about other ladies, but I would feel totally creeped out if some guy I wasn't close with or knew well enough were to do that to me.... and it did happen to me just this past week. It was very uncomfortable.

 

[ardour]

Obviously I can't speak for women, but it might be a misconception of yours. Probably best not to bother with any awful Borat style sexy talk.

 

[TheSkaFish]

If you're with someone you don't know well and you aren't comfortable talking sexy, don't do it. But if you're in a committed relationship and your partner like it and you don't, there could be some issues there.

-Teresa

Yeah. I meant with someone I know, not a stranger. Even then, it doesn't really fit with my idea of who I am. It makes me wonder just who I am compatible with, because it seems in the modern world, everyone likes this stuff except me. I'm in this weird in-between niche where I don't want to be boring, but I don't really want to be "edgy" either. I just wouldn't feel like myself that way.

No.... not if you haven't build and sort of foundation with the girl or closeness at least. I don't know about other ladies, but I would feel totally creeped out if some guy I wasn't close with or knew well enough were to do that to me.... and it did happen to me just this past week. It was very uncomfortable.

Ugh, I can imagine that must not have been too enjoyable. In my case it was with someone I knew though. It glossed over me that it might have been an appropriate time, but because it's not something I do, I feel like I may have dropped the ball.

Thanks for both your replies, anyway.