RAGE

[TIREMASTER27]

Tire,

Do you have some sort of release? You say that the good in you is strong, but weakening. Do you think this is because you feel you're losing control of things around you? What lets you know the good in you is strong? Do you feel part of something greater? I don't know if I can totally understand your specific feelings, but do understand that you need to find a way to deal with these feelings. All of us have feelings of solitude, isolation, or loneliness... some of us more than others.

On a positive note, the fact that you entitled your post "rage" shows that you want to act on you feelings rather than simply keeping them inside. The fact that you sought help here is a good sign. I just hope that you find what you are looking for. Is there anything specific we can do for you?

I have lived a sad lonly life never had any friends. iam married but its on very shakey ground now. Guses you could say im the guy that is cursed with bad luck and troubles. When my stress levels are high or if i have anxiety, I go into what some call blind rage. I act very hostile and violent and not have any controle. I basicly blow like a bad reactor. Only 2 things help me releive the tension and thats weed and ***. If you would like more details. Email me at [email protected]
I dont have many people to talk to that why i came to this site.

 

[armor4sleepPA]

You know, those aren't always the best forms of release, Tire. Think about it... weed will let you down eventually, as you can't stay high forever. *** is great and all, but it's temporary as well, unless you're an ironman and can go indefinitely... if so, give me your secret! ha ha... but in all seriousness, you need something more permanent to help you when you feel rage. Have you ever thought about discussing TAS (Toxic Anger Syndrome) with a doctor? I'm not overly familiar, but one of my students claims to have been diagnosed with this and is on some anxiety medication to help him cope. Not that drugs are the answer, mind you, but sometimes they do seem to take the edge off.

How long have you been married? What was your reason for it? Was it built on ***? physical attraction? Convenience? love? Do you feel you can talk to your wife and level with her about your feelings? If you can't trust your wife, who can you trust? Heh... funny I should mention that.

 

[TIREMASTER27]

You know, those aren't always the best forms of release, Tire. Think about it... weed will let you down eventually, as you can't stay high forever. *** is great and all, but it's temporary as well, unless you're an ironman and can go indefinitely... if so, give me your secret! ha ha... but in all seriousness, you need something more permanent to help you when you feel rage. Have you ever thought about discussing TAS (Toxic Anger Syndrome) with a doctor? I'm not overly familiar, but one of my students claims to have been diagnosed with this and is on some anxiety medication to help him cope. Not that drugs are the answer, mind you, but sometimes they do seem to take the edge off.

How long have you been married? What was your reason for it? Was it built on ***? physical attraction? Convenience? love? Do you feel you can talk to your wife and level with her about your feelings? If you can't trust your wife, who can you trust? Heh... funny I should mention that.

Ive been married 4 yrs now. Money and bills is our enemy the one thing we can not see I2I. She a spend threft and im a conservative. Then my condition makes it worse. Ive never raised my hand or cursed her but there were times i wanted too, but ive been able to controle myself. However i do have a habbit of breaking things out of anger. Years ago when i was younger i got so raged i literley ripped my door off its hingers and threw it. When i get that way my adrenalen gose into overdrive. Thats what makes me dangerous. Ive been this way since i was 13. But the real trouble begins earlier. I could write a book about my life. Let me know if u wanna hear more

 

[Kristen]

me. I want to. I was going to ask u about ur childhood anyway.

 

[TIREMASTER27]

me. I want to. I was going to ask u about ur childhood anyway.

Well some say childhood is the best part in life. Thats not always the case. Far as i can remember i was always picked on and made fun of just becasue my thinking process is difrent. Its hard to explain, my parents sent me to every phychologest shrink and counsler. None of them could figure me out. First it was dislexia then mental retardation then ADD and finaly social anxity with a touch of bipolor depression. Truth is no one can figure me out. I was put on all kinds of drugs and narcotics. Ritalin was the worst. My folks would compare me to Forest gump or rainman.Then as a teen it got worse i was beaten on ridiculed. I tell u i was one step away from doing what those boys did at Columbine. Only thing that stoped my was i did not have accese to firearms. So for 7 yrs i lived in isolation had no friends and graduated high school a virgin, hell i never even kissed a female till i was 20. I kind developed a hatred for the world and everyone in it. Even though im married i still live a hermits life. Part of me prefers isolation the other wants attention and company. Somtimes i believe there are 2 personalities in me. One that is good and compassionate and the evilside that brings out the rage and hatred. You might say that explains bipolorism. I f you would like to get to know me more feel free to email me. [email protected]

 

[frey12]

I love my rage, it gives me freedom, yeah I may break something but I also may not. If I dont like the consequences of being angry I dont. However I will do whatever I want. If it comes to yelling, breaking something small that wont hurt anyone. Being mean, being grumpy, stomping, I enjoy it all. It gives me freedom. The fact that some people lose their ability to think straight when angry is sad because anger and rage are truly great emotions to have, and I feel like our society doesnt give them the credit they deserve. Because we dont need to be violent when angry, but because thats what people think about when others are angry thats how its treated.

But anger and rage are definately my favorite emotions as I am not pushed around when angry, people know not to mess with me. And I can be the center of attention without having to worry about anyone saying any stupid little remark that comes to their mind. Because they dont want to fan the flames. I am one of the most bizarre people that even when angry I am still level headed, I still think I do not let an emotion control me but I do appreciate it. As I do not get to feel it as much as I would like to.

 

[tomuchnothing]

I wish I could know what that kind of freedom felt like. I find it incredably hard to become angry and then when I do, which is not very often at all, I don't take it out on anyone or thing, it kind of goes inwards, I don't really know how to explain it better then that.

If I tried hitting someone or something, even when very angry its like something is holding me back.

Anger just ends up making me sad.

 

[Skorian]

Honestly I have little tolerance of anger in myself or others. Not that I don't get angry now and then. Usually it just isn't constructive.

As far as suicide goes. Ya, I have thought about it now and then over the years. It's like you day dream about the pain and revenge you will cause others when you are gone along with and end to your own pain. I have never tried to before though. For one because I am sure I would succeed. To fail has serious consequences, a few of which I have seen mentioned. Any sense of it really truely being real is enough to make me run the other way. I can't even stand to see people hurt on TV when it's to realistic. I have tried to watch TV surgeries, but it just makes me ill. I feel like I am wide awake and they are cutting into me. The image get's stuck in my head for a few seconds and just kicks the crap out of me.

I probably shouldn't even say some of the things have thought.

Na, I am not even going to say. I wrote some thing's out, but it's just not ok to say them. Needless to say they have to be full proof and near instant. You can't have to stay conscious if there is any sort of pain. Most of the traditional methods people use are terribly flawed.

 

[TIREMASTER27]

I love my rage, it gives me freedom, yeah I may break something but I also may not. If I dont like the consequences of being angry I dont. However I will do whatever I want. If it comes to yelling, breaking something small that wont hurt anyone. Being mean, being grumpy, stomping, I enjoy it all. It gives me freedom. The fact that some people lose their ability to think straight when angry is sad because anger and rage are truly great emotions to have, and I feel like our society doesnt give them the credit they deserve. Because we dont need to be violent when angry, but because thats what people think about when others are angry thats how its treated.

But anger and rage are definately my favorite emotions as I am not pushed around when angry, people know not to mess with me. And I can be the center of attention without having to worry about anyone saying any stupid little remark that comes to their mind. Because they dont want to fan the flames. I am one of the most bizarre people that even when angry I am still level headed, I still think I do not let an emotion control me but I do appreciate it. As I do not get to feel it as much as I would like to.

Well my rage is dangerous and makes people not wanna be around me. My adrenalen gose into overdrive and my strengh and agility double. Ive punch holes through thick walls ripped doors off the hinges. But ive never in my life harmed another person. Ive wanted too but ive still have self controle. I also have a arsenal or guns too. wich ive never used on anyone. Anger can be good if it is regulated but if u completly let go, it will lead to a dark path of violence and evil.

 

[TIREMASTER27]

Honestly I have little tolerance of anger in myself or others. Not that I don't get angry now and then. Usually it just isn't constructive.

As far as suicide goes. Ya, I have thought about it now and then over the years. It's like you day dream about the pain and revenge you will cause others when you are gone along with and end to your own pain. I have never tried to before though. For one because I am sure I would succeed. To fail has serious consequences, a few of which I have seen mentioned. Any sense of it really truely being real is enough to make me run the other way. I can't even stand to see people hurt on TV when it's to realistic. I have tried to watch TV surgeries, but it just makes me ill. I feel like I am wide awake and they are cutting into me. The image get's stuck in my head for a few seconds and just kicks the crap out of me.

I probably shouldn't even say some of the things have thought.

Na, I am not even going to say. I wrote some thing's out, but it's just not ok to say them. Needless to say they have to be full proof and near instant. You can't have to stay conscious if there is any sort of pain. Most of the traditional methods people use are terribly flawed.

Your right anger and rage are a destructive force, Ive destroyed more things and hurt alot a peoples feelings. Now ive never in my life physical harmed anyone. Ive wanted too, i even wanted to pull a columbine stunt when i was in HS but i dident have accese to firearms. After my rage fades out then i get all depressed and suicidle. I have attempted many times and chicken out each time. recently i tried using my car and a rubber hose. You know why i never go through with it. My fear of the afterlife. God dosent take quiters

 

[Kristen]

I wish I could know what that kind of freedom felt like. I find it incredably hard to become angry and then when I do, which is not very often at all, I don't take it out on anyone or thing, it kind of goes inwards, I don't really know how to explain it better then that.

can u please try to expalin that magnificent phenomenon?

 

[Kristen]

It's like you day dream about the pain and revenge you will cause others when you are gone along with and end to your own pain.

but then there are people that want me dead, and I am not gonna do them that favor lol

 

[TheReapedOne]

I wish I could know what that kind of freedom felt like. I find it incredably hard to become angry and then when I do, which is not very often at all, I don't take it out on anyone or thing, it kind of goes inwards, I don't really know how to explain it better then that.

can u please try to expalin that magnificent phenomenon?

That happens to me too, very often in fact. I get this huge surge of anger come over me, because of one thing or another, then it just kind of goes away an hour later. I know this is a sign of emotional instability, but still have done nothing about it.

 

[Skorian]

I wish I could know what that kind of freedom felt like. I find it incredably hard to become angry and then when I do, which is not very often at all, I don't take it out on anyone or thing, it kind of goes inwards, I don't really know how to explain it better then that.

can u please try to expalin that magnificent phenomenon?

I understand this discription totally. Though I think it relates to a great many other things then just anger.

 

[Skorian]

It's like you day dream about the pain and revenge you will cause others when you are gone along with and end to your own pain.

but then there are people that want me dead, and I am not gonna do them that favor lol

True true.

 

[tomuchnothing]

I just dont know how to explain it more then I have. Like I said, I get angry but instead of going crazy and like exloding type of thing it kind of implodes or goes inwards, and as the reaped one says its gone within an hour and yea I'm pretty sure it is a sign of instability or something like that.

And I agree with skorian, its not just anger that this happens with

 

[Skorian]

I just dont know how to explain it more then I have. Like I said, I get angry but instead of going crazy and like exloding type of thing it kind of implodes or goes inwards, and as the reaped one says its gone within an hour and yea I'm pretty sure it is a sign of instability or something like that.

And I agree with skorian, its not just anger that this happens with

I don't know about you, but when I was a kid growing up. No one in our house was really allowed to express themselves at all. My father was always so out of control that when ever he was around we all generally retreated to our own corners. Well, this was in the later year's when we were all older. When I was very young I was nasty and would mimic the behavior I saw and took alot of things out on my brothers. It wasn't till high school that I started to outright hate and dispise him and completely shut him off because I started to really realize he was a monster and I didn't want to be like that. We were more like a house of hate then a family.

I wasn't allowed to make to much noise or I was screamed at or worse. We weren't allowed to talk when he was around or we were screamed at or worse. Weren't allowed many times to play near him or we were screamed at or worse. Often if you bumped him or tryed to play with him he would hurt us. When we had meals at the table, which our mother basically forced us into (Not that we knew at the time that it could be any other way, though we should have eaten seperate meals from our father looking back) we were forced to sit and listen to only him talk about how rotten his day was (I would guess we got about a 1 hour dose of that brainwashing a day). How he picked fight's with this person or that person. How everyone in the world were all ********. How work sucked. How mad he was at this or that. This wasn't something that happened only once in a while. This happened almost every meal for years.

To me I kind of think that it's sort of like I have a hard time sometimes knowing what is appropriate for this or that situation, since I didn't see much of it. It's like it has all been repressed inwards rather then outwards as a result of hiding so much when I was a child. It's a learned habbit and when I feel thing's I am hit by fear rather then being able to just express something. That fear sometimes bring's along with it anger at myself. Just from the sheer frustration of it all.

So I guess I wonder if you had some sort of simular experiance.

 

[TIREMASTER27]

I just dont know how to explain it more then I have. Like I said, I get angry but instead of going crazy and like exloding type of thing it kind of implodes or goes inwards, and as the reaped one says its gone within an hour and yea I'm pretty sure it is a sign of instability or something like that.

And I agree with skorian, its not just anger that this happens with

I don't know about you, but when I was a kid growing up. No one in our house was really allowed to express themselves at all. My father was always so out of control that when ever he was around we all generally retreated to our own corners. Well, this was in the later year's when we were all older. When I was very young I was nasty and would mimic the behavior I saw and took alot of things out on my brothers. It wasn't till high school that I started to outright hate and dispise him and completely shut him off because I started to really realize he was a monster and I didn't want to be like that. We were more like a house of hate then a family.

I wasn't allowed to make to much noise or I was screamed at or worse. We weren't allowed to talk when he was around or we were screamed at or worse. Weren't allowed many times to play near him or we were screamed at or worse. Often if you bumped him or tryed to play with him he would hurt us. When we had meals at the table, which our mother basically forced us into (Not that we knew at the time that it could be any other way, though we should have eaten seperate meals from our father looking back) we were forced to sit and listen to only him talk about how rotten his day was (I would guess we got about a 1 hour dose of that brainwashing a day). How he picked fight's with this person or that person. How everyone in the world were all ********. How work sucked. How mad he was at this or that. This wasn't something that happened only once in a while. This happened almost every meal for years.

To me I kind of think that it's sort of like I have a hard time sometimes knowing what is appropriate for this or that situation, since I didn't see much of it. It's like it has all been repressed inwards rather then outwards as a result of hiding so much when I was a child. It's a learned habbit and when I feel thing's I am hit by fear rather then being able to just express something. That fear sometimes bring's along with it anger at myself. Just from the sheer frustration of it all.

So I guess I wonder if you had some sort of simular experiance.

Well my rage developed from years of being picked on and bullied at school. As i stated earlier i was gonna pull a columbine stunt but i dident have acceces to guns. And my parents treated me like a mental patient. Not too mention being the only virgin to graduate HS. I never even been with a woman till i was 20. And now, well lets just say life isent any better and the anger and rage continues to grow stronger. I try to supress it with weed and other tranquilizers.

 

[tomuchnothing]

Hey skorian,

Yes I am similar to that in a way. My dad would and still does frown upon any display of to much emotion (although he frequently displays plenty himself)

Its like he wanted me to be some type of robot that dosnt feel anything or something like that. Maybe it was his way of trying to protect me from getting hurt, just done in a very warped manner.

But yea now I find that all my emotions are more suppressed when anybody is around, although when I'm by myself I tend tend to let them out a bit more.

So yea maybe my upbringing has something to do with it

 

[Skorian]

I just dont know how to explain it more then I have. Like I said, I get angry but instead of going crazy and like exloding type of thing it kind of implodes or goes inwards, and as the reaped one says its gone within an hour and yea I'm pretty sure it is a sign of instability or something like that.

And I agree with skorian, its not just anger that this happens with

I don't know about you, but when I was a kid growing up. No one in our house was really allowed to express themselves at all. My father was always so out of control that when ever he was around we all generally retreated to our own corners. Well, this was in the later year's when we were all older. When I was very young I was nasty and would mimic the behavior I saw and took alot of things out on my brothers. It wasn't till high school that I started to outright hate and dispise him and completely shut him off because I started to really realize he was a monster and I didn't want to be like that. We were more like a house of hate then a family.

I wasn't allowed to make to much noise or I was screamed at or worse. We weren't allowed to talk when he was around or we were screamed at or worse. Weren't allowed many times to play near him or we were screamed at or worse. Often if you bumped him or tryed to play with him he would hurt us. When we had meals at the table, which our mother basically forced us into (Not that we knew at the time that it could be any other way, though we should have eaten seperate meals from our father looking back) we were forced to sit and listen to only him talk about how rotten his day was (I would guess we got about a 1 hour dose of that brainwashing a day). How he picked fight's with this person or that person. How everyone in the world were all ********. How work sucked. How mad he was at this or that. This wasn't something that happened only once in a while. This happened almost every meal for years.

To me I kind of think that it's sort of like I have a hard time sometimes knowing what is appropriate for this or that situation, since I didn't see much of it. It's like it has all been repressed inwards rather then outwards as a result of hiding so much when I was a child. It's a learned habbit and when I feel thing's I am hit by fear rather then being able to just express something. That fear sometimes bring's along with it anger at myself. Just from the sheer frustration of it all.

So I guess I wonder if you had some sort of simular experiance.

Well my rage developed from years of being picked on and bullied at school. As i stated earlier i was gonna pull a columbine stunt but i dident have acceces to guns. And my parents treated me like a mental patient. Not too mention being the only virgin to graduate HS. I never even been with a woman till i was 20. And now, well lets just say life isent any better and the anger and rage continues to grow stronger. I try to supress it with weed and other tranquilizers.

Sorry to hear that Tire. Maybe if you think more about why you feel the way you do you can figure out that it's not exactly what you think it is. You should also be careful with some of these assumptions I suspect that you made about some things you mention.

Sorta seems like you are in denial and bottleing it all up and letting it out in self harming ways. If you have a concience and hurt others with your anger, you will only make yourself more angry. For one because you will treat other's in ways where they will respond in ways that make you even more angry. In the end you will build your own wood pile to roast yourself on.