Rant...Women!

[CenotaphGirl]

I'm sorry but I'm in an awful mood and rant... I must! There will be no disclaimers so if you're upset... I don't care... and no I haven't got a bone to pick with all women... but the majority of them that I personally know...

If you know anything about Empty Grave Girl... you'll know the "women" that was meant to protect me have hated me my whole life. From birth I was discarded by a ****...and by age 2 I was adopted by a bitch and an amazing man whom I just won't mention in the same breath as he deserves better.

Gives me a right bloody complex sometimes... im not gonna lie, when im treated like a bad guy, I learnt to embrace it... I'll be the bad guy, no problem. So I'd be a naughty liar if I said at some points I didn't deserve some of the treatment, but their mistreatments came first. Thats my story and im sticking to it.

So why so mad today? I'm so sick of all the crap I go through... bending over backwards to try and make someone that's never liked me.. love me.. How much can I do? Why am I even doing it... why cant I have a mother for 5 ******* mins... I'd take 5 mins.. instead its a bitch... and another bitch for free. Sometimes... I wanna just scream, nothing I do is good enough...but can it be all the women I know or is it me?...

I want to be a mother so badly, but I get scared... what if I'll be a heartless cow to my own... I couldn't live with the guilt... what else do I know? It's all I've learnt from women. Only men have protected me, and if you think that cant be dangerous... it can. I trust men too much because if I dont have them on my side I have no one.... on self reflection I realised that I don't even like most romantically I just do things to "manipulate" or "keep them around" you know... not because im trying to be some sort of monster, but genuinely what else do I have to offer? Ugh... im in a mood.. skip over the rant or leave some unoriginal comment about how narcissistic I am.. I'm tired...I just want a mother, the one thing everyone is supposed to have... cant believe I cried typing that last line, I better go look in the mirror to make myself feel better before I get wrinkles.

 

[Colster]

Oi, have a KitKat. Old Uncle Colster & the crew are here for you.

Not all women or mothers, are like yours. Likewise, we can't truthfully comment, we don't know her.

But, in fairness, parenting doesn't come with a guide book. Some of us are more intune than others.

Have a hug and a squish on us. Reckon you'll do fine as a mum. Just ignore the one you've got.

 

[roses4all]

Sorry about the mom thing. My mom is most likely a narcissist. My psychologist and I have discussed it. She doesn't love anyone... anyone. She does not support any of her children. She knocks them down.

 

[Abstamyous]

You are already better because you can see the problem.

 

[ewomack]

You are not destined to be like your mother, so don't worry about that. My wife is nothing like her mother and I am nothing like my parents.

It sounds like you were dealt a bad mother hand, though, which stinks. Venting is healthy.

Just hold your ground, don't sink to her level and you'll be fine in the long run. Try and love her as you can, despite her bad treatment. Show her how it's supposed to be done.

 

[user 135671]

Mums can suck big time, like Colster said there isn't a parenting guide but you'll be alright kid. Let's face it you've got a headstart on all the things not to do as a mum.

 

[Finished]

Sorry, about your mom situation. How about your SO's mom? Is she in the picture at all?

 

[CenotaphGirl]

i cant…

 

[Finished]

I'm not sure what to say. But, it is possible that your mom loves you. Have you ever had a heart to heart talk with her and asked her point blank? The aunt can go to hell. I would do like Colster would do and sabatoge her house as much as I could until it fell down on top of her. But, I think Colster would figure out a way for it to catch on fire, by accident, though. Ha! Ha!

 

[user 188522]

I'm sorry but I'm in an awful mood and rant... I must! There will be no disclaimers so if you're upset... I don't care... and no I haven't got a bone to pick with all women... but the majority of them that I personally know...

If you know anything about Empty Grave Girl... you'll know the "women" that was meant to protect me have hated me my whole life. From birth I was discarded by a ****...and by age 2 I was adopted by a bitch and an amazing man whom I just won't mention in the same breath as he deserves better.

Gives me a right bloody complex sometimes... im not gonna lie, when im treated like a bad guy, I learnt to embrace it... I'll be the bad guy, no problem. So I'd be a naughty liar if I said at some points I didn't deserve some of the treatment, but their mistreatments came first. Thats my story and im sticking to it.

So why so mad today? I'm so sick of all the crap I go through... bending over backwards to try and make someone that's never liked me.. love me.. How much can I do? Why am I even doing it... why cant I have a mother for 5 ******* mins... I'd take 5 mins.. instead its a bitch... and another bitch for free. Sometimes... I wanna just scream, nothing I do is good enough...but can it be all the women I know or is it me?...

I want to be a mother so badly, but I get scared... what if I'll be a heartless cow to my own... I couldn't live with the guilt... what else do I know? It's all I've learnt from women. Only men have protected me, and if you think that cant be dangerous... it can. I trust men too much because if I dont have them on my side I have no one.... on self reflection I realised that I don't even like most romantically I just do things to "manipulate" or "keep them around" you know... not because im trying to be some sort of monster, but genuinely what else do I have to offer? Ugh... im in a mood.. skip over the rant or leave some unoriginal comment about how narcissistic I am.. I'm tired...I just want a mother, the one thing everyone is supposed to have... cant believe I cried typing that last line, I better go look in the mirror to make myself feel better before I get wrinkles.

My mother treated me like she did not love me; how can a mother not love her child? The only way out of your painful truth is acceptance. She died; I buried her and never looked back.

 

[user 188522]

PS. Sorry for your pain. Honestly and truly.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

My mother treated me like she did not love me; how can a mother not love her child? The only way out of your painful truth is acceptance. She died; I buried her and never looked back.

You are very strong, you know, it scares me that she’ll pass and everything will be unresolved forever, I just want a mum but seems like its all too messed up to ever work

 

[roses4all]

I want to be a mother so badly, but I get scared... what if I'll be a heartless cow to my own... I couldn't live with the guilt... what else do I know? It's all I've learnt from women. Only men have protected me, and if you think that cant be dangerous... it can. I trust men too much because if I dont have them on my side I have no one.... on self reflection I realised that I don't even like most romantically I just do things to "manipulate" or "keep them around" you know... not because im trying to be some sort of monster, but genuinely what else do I have to offer? Ugh... im in a mood.. skip over the rant or leave some unoriginal comment about how narcissistic I am.. I'm tired...I just want a mother, the one thing everyone is supposed to have... cant believe I cried typing that last line, I better go look in the mirror to make myself feel better before I get wrinkles.

The fact that you are questioning yourself is the very opposite of narcissism. None of us are perfect. Not parents either. If you keep questioning yourself, if you are open to change, if you can accept that another way is maybe a better way... and you embrace it...
then you will be a good mom. Oh, and love your kids and have fun with your kids. Enjoy your kids.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I have found that those who are worried about being a horrible mother are usually great mothers.

As for your mom, I might be talking out my ass here since I don't know her or even you, but are you sure she doesn't love you? I mean, yeah, she's a bitch, I'm not disputing that, but sometimes people don't know how to show love. How was her mother with her? Tough love ******** and all that or openly affectionate? She goes with you to your doctor appointments, so there must be at least something there...right?

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I struggle sooo much to respond to this thread but I hope all I know I deffo read everything. I’m just so fed up, I just feel so conflicted all I wanna do is get along I have no one else left. But theres soooo much history. I let it go, I think… then it all comes back within mins of my mum doing something wrong. All the years of abuse from her, my dad would shield me from it but he could only do so much.

she wants to make amends but she just makes me so angry. She just makes me miss my dad even more.. she said i bet you wished i died instead… and i say no, truthfully i dont, I wish i did. I dont wish death on her or anything like that, I just want her to be normal. You know normal enough not to ask me ******** like that.

I cant really put too much detail on what she has done … I did and edited it out because I just cant take it.

 

[HappyLoner]

I'm sorry but I'm in an awful mood and rant... I must! There will be no disclaimers so if you're upset... I don't care... and no I haven't got a bone to pick with all women... but the majority of them that I personally know...

If you know anything about Empty Grave Girl... you'll know the "women" that was meant to protect me have hated me my whole life. From birth I was discarded by a ****...and by age 2 I was adopted by a bitch and an amazing man whom I just won't mention in the same breath as he deserves better.

Gives me a right bloody complex sometimes... im not gonna lie, when im treated like a bad guy, I learnt to embrace it... I'll be the bad guy, no problem. So I'd be a naughty liar if I said at some points I didn't deserve some of the treatment, but their mistreatments came first. Thats my story and im sticking to it.

So why so mad today? I'm so sick of all the crap I go through... bending over backwards to try and make someone that's never liked me.. love me.. How much can I do? Why am I even doing it... why cant I have a mother for 5 ******* mins... I'd take 5 mins.. instead its a bitch... and another bitch for free. Sometimes... I wanna just scream, nothing I do is good enough...but can it be all the women I know or is it me?...

I want to be a mother so badly, but I get scared... what if I'll be a heartless cow to my own... I couldn't live with the guilt... what else do I know? It's all I've learnt from women. Only men have protected me, and if you think that cant be dangerous... it can. I trust men too much because if I dont have them on my side I have no one.... on self reflection I realised that I don't even like most romantically I just do things to "manipulate" or "keep them around" you know... not because im trying to be some sort of monster, but genuinely what else do I have to offer? Ugh... im in a mood.. skip over the rant or leave some unoriginal comment about how narcissistic I am.. I'm tired...I just want a mother, the one thing everyone is supposed to have... cant believe I cried typing that last line, I better go look in the mirror to make myself feel better before I get wrinkles.

I cut my mother out of my life when I was 16 and it was best thing I've done. Save your energy, happiness and time for the people deserving it. You don't have to be like your parents, instead you have the perfect example of how not to be.

 

[vauxhallastra]

I saw a woman interviewed on a TV show a while back, she was bisexual and had dated both men and women, and the presenter asked her what she thought the difference was, and she said "Men have a bigger ego because society forces them to compete with each other, and women are much more manipulative because traditionally we've had no power". And I thought that was a pretty neat summation.

My own mother was a very troubled person, by the time she was my age she was well down the path of self-destruction and died not long after, but I miss her a lot, I loved her and she loved me, in her own effed up way.

All any of us can do is our best. It's very difficult. Hope you are ok.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I cut my mother out of my life when I was 16 and it was best thing I've done. Save your energy, happiness and time for the people deserving it. You don't have to be like your parents, instead you have the perfect example of how not to be.

Wow that sounds so hard, as much as me and my mother are at odds, I leave her in my life, I allow her to stay because I have no one else, you know? Did you have a strong bond with your father?

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I saw a woman interviewed on a TV show a while back, she was bisexual and had dated both men and women, and the presenter asked her what she thought the difference was, and she said "Men have a bigger ego because society forces them to compete with each other, and women are much more manipulative because traditionally we've had no power". And I thought that was a pretty neat summation.

My own mother was a very troubled person, by the time she was my age she was well down the path of self-destruction and died not long after, but I miss her a lot, I loved her and she loved me, in her own effed up way.

All any of us can do is our best. It's very difficult. Hope you are ok.

Wow, you are very wise, this is so interesting because it touches on areas I personally relate to. Honestly the manipulative women in my world... are shocking... they do not lack power, they lack souls they lack hearts... they caused unspeakable things to happen to me out of jealously and bitterness, because they are old and yesterdays news... Till this day I cant relate to most women, I want to, but I cant. I can be manipulative, sure, but I've never been low down or cruel to anyone, or hurt anyone, like they hurt me purposefully.

But thank you, im pushing through the abuse, I am working through some of it in therapy as I cant deal with it anymore.

 

[constant stranger]

You seem to be carrying a lot of unresolved issues, C.G. I can relate to it. My father's been dead for 20 years and I still dwell every day on what a bastard he was.....but he was just subject to his own unresolved demons.
If I knew how to let go of old grievances I'd share with you how to do it.
Good luck to both of us on our journeys.