Regrets

[okidoke]

Oh, I'm definitely not a saint in the least. Definitely a sinner. Seems very difficult for me to explain this to you, as you're just not grasping or understanding what I'm saying. I've done all the above...I've hurt someone by a breakup, I've hurt someone by telling them how I felt, I've hurt someone by being assertive/aggressive, and I've hurt someone by cutting them off from my life. There's so many different situations and scenarios that call for different types of behaviors. I'm a very authentic and honest person. Although I have respect, I don't beat around the bush or sugarcoat anything. I tell people exactly how it is, quite clearly so that they understand.

I bloody well do understand what you’re saying dagnabbit but you’re obviously not grasping me. All the things you’ve outlined haven’t been straight out “evil” type things, like bullying someone or saying something hateful or insulting to deliberately hurt someone or maybe even assaulting someone in some unnecessary fashion.

If I’m wrong and you have done the likes I’m describing, then what you’re choosing not to go back and do differently then makes you sadistic because you’d take the same course of action to get the same result from your unnecessary behaviour.

Do you understand me yet? I’ll accept that I’m not making myself clear enough but hopefully now you’re understanding me.

In a nutshell, I’ve done “evil” things (to put it more definitively) hence the regrets.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

^
Regret is both a verb and a noun. Then there is remorse, which is just a noun.

I've said before, I have no regrets. As in, I would not change things, given the opportunity; because, then, I wouldn't be me.

I do sometimes, wish I would have done this or that differently, or have felt great remorse.

I think one can have regretted(v.) doing things, without, perhaps, having any regrets(n.), ultimately.

I d'no.

 

[okidoke]

^
Regret is both a verb and a noun. Then there is remorse, which is just a noun.

I've said before, I have no regrets. As in, I would not change things, given the opportunity; because, then, I wouldn't be me.

I do sometimes, wish I would have done this or that differently, or have felt great remorse.

I think one can have regretted(v.) doing things, without, perhaps, having any regrets(n.), ultimately.

I d'no.

Interesting. I have to think on that.

My biggest problem these days is my vocabulary and stating things to exactly convey my meaning.

I can’t quite differentiate between remorse and regret though.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

Interesting. I have to think on that.

My biggest problem these days is my vocabulary and stating things to exactly convey my meaning.

I can’t quite differentiate between remorse and regret though.

I'm chewing on it too. From my current position, the world itself is going through some trying times.. anywho.

 

[okidoke]

…….because, then, I wouldn't be me.

That’s the other thing: some of us on here aren’t really happy with what we are today

 

[okidoke]

I definitely feel remorse though, at the same time regretting actions I’ve taken. Yeah, I can’t differentiate. As for feeling some sort of loss as a result of a life path I’ve chosen, I’m in two minds about it.

 

[Abstamyous]

On the extreme end... I lost a friend to suicide almost a decade ago. The month before, he discovered that cancer had come back in his brain. He was so angry, and the last week I actually stepped away. I regret it, as had I not been so self involved with my alcoholism, perhaps I could have handled things with a more compassionate mindset. I cannot change that now, so every now and then I get that tinge of guilt when I think of him. For the most part, I have forgiven myself.

In general, I urge myself to make the amend, change the behavior or attitude, and to move on when others have moved on.

 

[HellsLittleAngel]

I bloody well do understand what you’re saying dagnabbit but you’re obviously not grasping me. All the things you’ve outlined haven’t been straight out “evil” type things, like bullying someone or saying something hateful or insulting to deliberately hurt someone or maybe even assaulting someone in some unnecessary fashion.

If I’m wrong and you have done the likes I’m describing, then what you’re choosing not to go back and do differently then makes you sadistic because you’d take the same course of action to get the same result from your unnecessary behaviour.

Do you understand me yet? I’ll accept that I’m not making myself clear enough but hopefully now you’re understanding me.

In a nutshell, I’ve done “evil” things (to put it more definitively) hence the regrets.

Listen, you're literally trying to dissect every part of what I said, due to your own regret from your own actions. You need to just accept and move on. It seems that your own past is affecting you and it's making you feel the need to know someone else who's been in your shoes, who may feel the same. Some people are okay with their actions and some aren't. I've told you time and time again, about why I feel the way that I do, stating several times that I've done my fair share of things, and also telling you that I've had my reasons for why I did them, yet express no regret over them. I'm not a saint whatsoever, as nobody is. Everyone's a sinner in some way or another. We've all done things that have hurt ourselves and others, whether it was accidentally or intentionally. I've done my fair share of both. Would I change the outcome now? It's possible, but it still depending on things. Hope that clarifies things for you a bit. If you're not fine with the evil you've done, someone else may be fine with the evil they've done. Regret is for someone who feels bad about the things they've done and wished they could take them back. I don't wish to take back what I've done. Would I do them differently now that I'm older and wiser? Possibly, not always. It sounds like you're crying out from inside about the trauma that's bothering you in this thread. This is a trigger thread for you. I've healed from 90% of my past. Otherwise, I'd dwell on it and it'd affect my life. I don't want to live there anymore. I want happiness as I deserve it. I've been through enough toxicity in my life. There's nothing you can do about your past, except make peace with and accept it. That's the only way you can move on from trauma. Acknowledge, accept, process, and let go to move on. Some topics can trigger a trauma response, especially when it's unresolved, such as yours. Listen...if you want or need to talk, send me a direct message. I hope you have a good night if you've signed off.

 

[okidoke]

Ok, this post isn't directly a reply to you @HellsLittleAngel but I guess how I'm understanding regrets may be different to how you or others view it.

Perhaps what I've perceived as regret is more like remorse. There are words I've used in the past to people that I wish I had never said. There are actions I've taken that I wish I never took. But having said that, I feel it's regret because if I'd chosen not to say do those things, then the affected person wouldn't have been negatively impacted the way they were. I'm sorry I did those things and how I made them feel and if I could change that I would.

So, thinking that we're all human and that we've all done something like that in some fashion, even once, for people to say that they wouldn't change what they did in the past is beyond my understanding. If feels callous, or sadistic, to me, that they would just do it again knowing what they know now. But as I said, I may be perceiving regret wrongly.

Do I regret choosing a particular path in life, foregoing an opportunity, taking an advantage of a situation, which could've put me in a different place than I am today? That's something we just can't really answer, because we can't actually see that possible parallel universe with the other made choices because if we could, then it would be easy to see if we had anything to regret or not. And then there's satisfaction to consider as well. The parallel universe life might be quite impressive in comparison, but one might still be quite satisfied in one's current life.

@HellsLittleAngel it wasn't really my intention to dissect your comments. I'm a deep thinker and sometimes I need deeper clarification for my own understanding, which in turn helps me understand others better. I know I can come across as difficult or pedantic or confusing or infuriating, but it's not intentional and purely borne from a deep desire to fully understand a concept or someone's nature.

As for making amends, I've atoned a great deal and I don't think I owe anything further to anyone, (would have massive karma credit) but that doesn't mean that the feeling of regret (remorse perhaps) doesn't fade. You just learn to live with it.

And thanks for the offer to talk. I do appreciate it.

 

[HellsLittleAngel]

Ok, this post isn't directly a reply to you @HellsLittleAngel but I guess how I'm understanding regrets may be different to how you or others view it.

Perhaps what I've perceived as regret is more like remorse. There are words I've used in the past to people that I wish I had never said. There are actions I've taken that I wish I never took. But having said that, I feel it's regret because if I'd chosen not to say do those things, then the affected person wouldn't have been negatively impacted the way they were. I'm sorry I did those things and how I made them feel and if I could change that I would.

So, thinking that we're all human and that we've all done something like that in some fashion, even once, for people to say that they wouldn't change what they did in the past is beyond my understanding. If feels callous, or sadistic, to me, that they would just do it again knowing what they know now. But as I said, I may be perceiving regret wrongly.

Do I regret choosing a particular path in life, foregoing an opportunity, taking an advantage of a situation, which could've put me in a different place than I am today? That's something we just can't really answer, because we can't actually see that possible parallel universe with the other made choices because if we could, then it would be easy to see if we had anything to regret or not. And then there's satisfaction to consider as well. The parallel universe life might be quite impressive in comparison, but one might still be quite satisfied in one's current life.

@HellsLittleAngel it wasn't really my intention to dissect your comments. I'm a deep thinker and sometimes I need deeper clarification for my own understanding, which in turn helps me understand others better. I know I can come across as difficult or pedantic or confusing or infuriating, but it's not intentional and purely borne from a deep desire to fully understand a concept or someone's nature.

As for making amends, I've atoned a great deal and I don't think I owe anything further to anyone, (would have massive karma credit) but that doesn't mean that the feeling of regret (remorse perhaps) doesn't fade. You just learn to live with it.

And thanks for the offer to talk. I do appreciate it.

Very well said. Yes, we learn to live with our past, but we don't have to let it consume us either. Healing helps us live with it and see things in a different perspective. I'm sure I too have massive karma due to me, but I don't think about that. I just live my life the best that I can for me. I think we all have moments of sadness due to our things, but we also choose not to change things, because it would've changed the nature and path of our lives, and wouldn't be where we are today. You're very welcome for the message request.

 

[okidoke]

....... because it would've changed the nature and path of our lives, and wouldn't be where we are today. ....

I should add though, those things that I regret were detrimental to the other person rather than me. Yes, I felt bad later about it, but what resonated with them was much more painful, and that is what I wished I hadn't caused. Having said that, I can't in all honesty say it didn't make them into better people somehow by way of them becoming stronger, more resilient, less naive, etc, so perhaps I might be able to reconcile some good actually coming from it, or am I just saying that to myself so I don't feel the regret or remorse as much, I don't know. It's completely plausible that I've carried an emotional burden for an unnecessarily long time.

 

[HellsLittleAngel]

I should add though, those things that I regret were detrimental to the other person rather than me. Yes, I felt bad later about it, but what resonated with them was much more painful, and that is what I wished I hadn't caused. Having said that, I can't in all honesty say it didn't make them into better people somehow by way of them becoming stronger, more resilient, less naive, etc, so perhaps I might be able to reconcile some good actually coming from it, or am I just saying that to myself so I don't feel the regret or remorse as much, I don't know. It's completely plausible that I've carried an emotional burden for an unnecessarily long time.

Yes, I've learned quite a few things in my own experiences as a victim and survivor. I've also mastered a few of these traits you're speaking of and then some.