relationships while in military?

Unknown_Soldier393 · Feb 24, 2014

so before i left for bct i had only been with 2 women. one relationship ended really badly. for about 3 years after that i was best friends with this one girl. We'd go everywhere with each other, every day. so i enlisted into the army in october 2012, by that time our relationship was getting physical considering she broke up with her boyfriend about 2-3 months before hand. by around January 2013 we decided to start dating. skip forward 9 months to me leaving for bct and all she could say to me was please dont forget me, please still love me, dont change.
3 weeks into bct when i got my first call home she told me she was going to break up with me because she was already hooking up with some other guy.

so that leaves me here. 2014 and to be honest, is it really possible to have a new relationship while in the military? she dumped me in 3 weeks even though we were best friends for 3 years and dating for 9 months.
in the military there is something called fraternization, IE no PDA, NO RELATIONSHIPS with other personnel above your pay grade. in the training environments its taken to the extreme, and to be honest if i couldnt keep a relationship with someone who was my best friend for 3-4 years, how can i even hope to have one when i'll be deploying within 2 months of now(currently assigned to a rapid deployment unit ) for 6-18 months?

even once i get back i'll probably only be home for 10months-1 year at most. sure that's enough time to have a sexual relationship, or friends with benefits, but what if i want a relationship that means something? what woman will want to stay with a man that at times wont be able to talk or send letters for potentially weeks at a time?

does my career choice really put me at the crossroads of be single permanently until my contract ends? i wanted to go 20-30 years, but if i have to do that single i honestly dont know if i can. '

sorry for the mass wall of text

EveWasFramed · Feb 24, 2014

Former military wife here...

It has it ups and downs. It's not for everyone. It's a very difficult life for both parties.
All I can say is that I wouldn't do it again.

Ps: Stay vigilant while you're deployed. While I don't support the direction the US has taken in recent years, I do support the men and women who place themselves in harm's way.

Tiina63 · Feb 25, 2014

Just because this relationship didn't work out doesn't mean that you won't have a good relationship with someone else in the future. I have never been in the military or been in a relationship with someone who is, but aren't there plenty of military posts which don't involve actual fighting? In novels I have read (showing my complete lack of real knowledge here, I know), spouses often live on the military base so that they can have a proper marriage with their partner and not be separated for months at a time. I realise that this would not be possible in a war zone or other actual combat situation, but would it be possible in other situations?

Groucho · Feb 25, 2014

EveWasFramed said:
Ps: Stay vigilant while you're deployed. While I don't support the direction the US has taken in recent years, I do support the men and women who place themselves in harm's way.

And here's one reason why:
http://www.publichealth.va.gov/exposures/agentorange/locations/tests-storage/index.asp

Agent Orange and other herbicides used in Vietnam were tested or stored elsewhere, including some military bases in the United States.

Cleverly worded, but you read the implication right. Tested on US soldiers in the US itself.

http://www.publichealth.va.gov/exposures/agentorange/locations/tests-storage/usa.asp

Oh, and I often hear the food is not much better, either.

Unknown_Soldier393 · Feb 25, 2014

Tiina63 said:
Just because this relationship didn't work out doesn't mean that you won't have a good relationship with someone else in the future. I have never been in the military or been in a relationship with someone who is, but aren't there plenty of military posts which don't involve actual fighting? In novels I have read (showing my complete lack of real knowledge here, I know), spouses often live on the military base so that they can have a proper marriage with their partner and not be separated for months at a time. I realise that this would not be possible in a war zone or other actual combat situation, but would it be possible in other situations?

with a spouse yes they can go on post and live with their husband/wife but the thing is that wont stop a deployment. being away for months in that context would mean the soldier being sent to ft drum ny while the family is in say, georgia. the soldier can move his family up to him. it can also work with duty stations over seas, like korea and germany. but when i deploy (i'll be doing so often because i am in a rapid deployment unit, as an apache mechanic) any family members must stay back at home. and each post deploys. each post has something combat arms related. apaches have over 10 stations, and are attached to infantry divisions. then you also have truck drivers, armor crew members so on so forth, so if you're active army, you ARE going to deploy at least once every other year. or once every 3 years.

so how will i be able to have a relationship outside of friends with benefits if im going to leave so often?
just seems.....like i dont mean to sound pessimistic, but it does seem dang near impossible

haha the food is alright, just dont get fish from the dining facilities. they are generally cooked on the outside but frozen inside.

Groucho · Feb 25, 2014

Unknown_Soldier393 said:
haha the food is alright, just dont get fish from the dining facilities. they are generally cooked on the outside but frozen inside.

Well, it's up to you if you want me to spoil your viewpoint of the matter, here's another reason to avoid the fish:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2011/02/06/AR2011020603941.html

U.S. military purchases Gulf of Mexico seafood, boosting an industry battered by oil spill

Obviously, the article omits bioaccumulation of the oil into the seafood, or the toxic effects of petroleum.

http://www.upi.com/Science_News/201...ng-term-oil-spill-effects/UPI-60351367526581/

Fish in Gulf of Mexico showing long-term oil spill effects

http://www.foxnews.com/scitech/2012...nt-fish-raise-concerns-over-bp-spill-effects/

Eyeless shrimp and mutant fish raise concerns over BP spill effects

I will put it this way, the US military has a history of using it's own soldiers as guinea pigs. With generally little regard to their health. I won't dig further into the subject unless you want me to because it may not be something you want to think about at this point in time.

(Sorry to be a party pooper but I'm at least being honest and have your best interest at heart.)

nerdygirl · Mar 2, 2014

I'd imagine it can be difficult to obtain a relationship with a civilian while you're in the military. Whether or not you can maintain a relationship depends on both people. Some people can handle it and others cannot. When the ex left for the Navy, I was fine. He's the one who cheated on me while I was at home, missing him.