Resentment towards females

[Doubt The Rabbit]

Hahaha

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Just as the girl with the butcher knife was irrational for hating men, thus it would be the other way around yes? I doubt you want to become her.

This. Because you've had run-ins with some seriously crappy partners doesn't mean it's logical for you to become someone with a blanket disdain for women.

There are some lovely ladies out there, you just need to put yourself in a position where you're meeting them frequently.

I don't want to sound patronising, but can I suggest something? It sounds to me like you attract girls that are damaged to the point that they're not even fit for a relationship. This suggests that there is some kind of deeper unhappiness in you with yourself, because that provides an emotional magnet for those sorts of people.

If you feel you're fat, work out and eat better. I was fat for ages, then got so sick of it that I got off my arse and lost over a 1/3 of my bodyweight. You say you're ugly - well, losing a good amount of weight substantially alters your looks, you're probably a pretty handsome guy in reality, you might just need to shed a few pounds.

Get happy with yourself, improve your self-worth, then go looking for romance again. Just because you were once the stay-at-home overweight guy doesn't mean you have to be all of your life, and it doesn't mean you need to compromise your relationship standards by going out with abusive women.

 

[BrokenInside]

TheSolitaryMan said it all!

 

[jean-vic]

"Don't hate women. Improve yourself." Is that not changing himself to fit a socially acceptable paradigm? Why can't he be accepted as is, and not forced to fit the mould all people are expected to fit? This place is for those who don't conform to standard, hence their social abandonment and loneliness. Yet, the same attitude is presented here as it is in reality. "You're lonely. You don't fit into society. Change yourself. Fit. No longer lonely." Shouldn't the real message to anyone who comes here be: "You're lonely. You don't fit. Neither do we. Welcome to our society"?

Mystery Man. Don't resent women. You know what, women are *******. Fact. Men are *********. Fact. Not all. Both sides have good and bad. You do what makes YOU happy. Improve if YOU want to. Remain the same if YOU want to. I can't promise it will be easy, nor can I promise a light at the end of the tunnel, but I can promise that not all women are bad, and not all men are bad. Do not waste energy on hatred. It doesn't harm women that you hate them, but it harms you and your behaviour.

Oh, and I'm lonely. I don't fit. Nice to see you in the asylum. You're always welcome here, brother

 

[Tealeaf]

"Don't hate women. Improve yourself." Is that not changing himself to fit a socially acceptable paradigm? Why can't he be accepted as is, and not forced to fit the mould all people are expected to fit? This place is for those who don't conform to standard, hence their social abandonment and loneliness. Yet, the same attitude is presented here as it is in reality. "You're lonely. You don't fit into society. Change yourself. Fit. No longer lonely." Shouldn't the real message to anyone who comes here be: "You're lonely. You don't fit. Neither do we. Welcome to our society"?

Mystery Man. Don't resent women. You know what, women are *******. Fact. Men are *********. Fact. Not all. Both sides have good and bad. You do what makes YOU happy. Improve if YOU want to. Remain the same if YOU want to. I can't promise it will be easy, nor can I promise a light at the end of the tunnel, but I can promise that not all women are bad, and not all men are bad. Do not waste energy on hatred. It doesn't harm women that you hate them, but it harms you and your behaviour.

Oh, and I'm lonely. I don't fit. Nice to see you in the asylum. You're always welcome here, brother

Except what's been suggested was to change himself for his own happiness and health if he had a low opinion of himself and his life that was attracting toxic people instead of to change to fit societal standards, which is a much better idea than bullheadedly resisting any and all suggestions of change to the detriment of one's own health and happiness out of a misplaced sense of pride.

 

[bulmabriefs144]

You can change yourself to conform. Or you can refuse to change and realize that only certain people will like you. Two types actually, people who are really cool/accepting, and people who are toxic/somehow see you're choosing to be yourself being not making a choice (to conform) that "should" be made. You will meet more of the latter type.

Expecting people to understand you/change for you when you go out of your way not to change, is not realistic. But reality sucks. So screw it, you want people to like you as you, you should strive with all your heart to make a world that does just that.

 

[jean-vic]

"Don't hate women. Improve yourself." Is that not changing himself to fit a socially acceptable paradigm? Why can't he be accepted as is, and not forced to fit the mould all people are expected to fit? This place is for those who don't conform to standard, hence their social abandonment and loneliness. Yet, the same attitude is presented here as it is in reality. "You're lonely. You don't fit into society. Change yourself. Fit. No longer lonely." Shouldn't the real message to anyone who comes here be: "You're lonely. You don't fit. Neither do we. Welcome to our society"?

Mystery Man. Don't resent women. You know what, women are *******. Fact. Men are *********. Fact. Not all. Both sides have good and bad. You do what makes YOU happy. Improve if YOU want to. Remain the same if YOU want to. I can't promise it will be easy, nor can I promise a light at the end of the tunnel, but I can promise that not all women are bad, and not all men are bad. Do not waste energy on hatred. It doesn't harm women that you hate them, but it harms you and your behaviour.

Oh, and I'm lonely. I don't fit. Nice to see you in the asylum. You're always welcome here, brother

Except what's been suggested was to change himself for his own happiness and health if he had a low opinion of himself and his life that was attracting toxic people instead of to change to fit societal standards, which is a much better idea than bullheadedly resisting any and all suggestions of change to the detriment of one's own health and happiness out of a misplaced sense of pride.

I said resist change if it doesn't make you happy to change. Read my post. I'm just tired of people who need support being told that they are the issue and they should change. Change is only good for health and happiness if done because a person does it because they want it, and not due to some contrived idea of needing it.

I once, for someone else, lost 4 stone. It didn't make me happy to have changed, nor did it bring me what I sought. I've since put 2.5 stone back on. It is the inner person that needs to change before any external change can take place. I'm working on the inner me, and I'm back on this site to help others feel better about themselves, as well. If they go on to change themselves after that, wonderful. If not, I'm glad they love themselves as they are. That is the world we need to create.

"Nothing in the world is the way it ought to be. It's harsh, and cruel. It doesn't matter where we come from, what we've done or suffered, or even if we make a difference. We live as though the world were as it should be, to show it what it can be."

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I said resist change if it doesn't make you happy to change. Read my post. I'm just tired of people who need support being told that they are the issue and they should change. Change is only good for health and happiness if done because a person does it because they want it, and not due to some contrived idea of needing it.

I don't understand what you're getting at here, to be honest. Tealeaf summarises my confusion nicely.

I didn't say: "Change because society doesn't like you the way you are." That'd be poor advice, and of course everyone should be able to be happy with themselves without having to change for anyone else.

However, the OP expressly comes across as unhappy with his physique, or at least sees himself as "fat" and believes that impacts his ability to form relationships. Unless you're just playing devil's advocate, how is it negative to work on improving physically to dispel that negative self-opinion?

I once, for someone else, lost 4 stone. It didn't make me happy to have changed, nor did it bring me what I sought. I've since put 2.5 stone back on. It is the inner person that needs to change before any external change can take place. I'm working on the inner me, and I'm back on this site to help others feel better about themselves, as well. If they go on to change themselves after that, wonderful. If not, I'm glad they love themselves as they are. That is the world we need to create.

That's fair enough, and I agree. But I also think sometimes it works the other way. Sometimes people don't realise how much happier they'd be if they did work a little bit on their perceived problems rather than just be laissez-faire about it.

It also comes back to that "societal expectations" thing, in a different way. When I lost weight myself, I didn't do it to "fit in with society", I just wanted to be fit and healthy.

But losing that weight coincidentally made me more attractive to girls physically, gained me more respect from my male friends and also made me a little more confident socially.

The hard fact is that people do judge you on your appearance and your level of physical fitness. Whether that is morally right, wrong or a grey area is just a facet of idealistic semantics when it comes down to it.

So the point is: if you feel unhappy or unattractive because of your physique and you have the power to change it, I believe you should do so. Not for "society", not to simply "look hot", but for your own general happiness and self-confidence. Hence my advice to the OP.