Thank you people, it means alot. Already started on my path.
First step. Sleeping pattern.
I would go to sleep at like 7 or 8am and wake up at like 5pm. Not good... In turn it means my eating habits are terrible.
I deprived myself of sleep the other day when I made this post because I suddenly snapped, partially because of a film I watched.
I woke up that day about 5pm so I deprived myself of sleep until about 1am (the day after the next day) and forced myself to wake up early about 9am. Goal being so I can get a usual 12-8 sort of sleeping pattern.
Now I started eating properly too, actually having breakfast and lunch and such. Before I would even, sometimes, just have like 1 meal and that was it for the entire day (thats 1 meal not even including any snacks or anything, literally). Not good at all.
To think I have been like this for 10 years and not have any serious health problems is totally beyond me. I even have a strong immune system and never get ill or if I do get a cold it will literally last about a day.
Anyway, next step is exercise. Walking, doing weights... (actually have weights now to) Eating a little bit more inbetween meals too, proper foods, nuts, fruit and things and started the weights.
This is only the beginning.
It was literally like a revelation, although I dont mean that religiously... I am not religious and never will be, I am a strong atheist. Believe me when I say I was feeling incredibly depressed and lonely and have been for a very long time. My last thread shows this.
I turned from anger, like bitter depression to sadness. The sadness eradicated the anger at myself and life. I just want to be happy, the sadness let me actually see clearly. It is almost like the anger and bitterness had a hold on me for years without me even realising it, like a subconcious permanent red mist. When I was sad, I would also be angry and bitter.
The thing is ofcourse I was never ever angry at friends or anything like that ever, I would laugh and joke when around my friends, infact without them I would of probably commit suicide.
Lately I would sometimes have day's where I would be incredibly pissed off with everything, I would just sit there and say literally nothing while scowling at the world around me, even when my friends were there. I would never direct it at my friends though ofcourse because im not that kind of person. If I was talked to I would try and respond normally.
Now I just gotta keep this regime up. Feeling a little bit better already... had a good nights sleep, better than I have had in a long time and didnt wake up in darkness.
