concerning the original post....
In my opinion, there is not a "piece of advice" that is magical, none of the cliche sayings are going to improve your self-esteem. I, too, have always had low self-esteem, but alot of therapy work was really changing this.My therapist and I spent oodles, and oodles of time figuring out where the low self-esteem (LSE from now on) came from in my life. I was not born with LSE, I was taught to have LSE because of how people had treated me in my life. Now, I may have been more susceptlble to it, but was not born with LSE... and I don't believe that anybody is. There were several "key" events in my life, growing up, that really became engrained in my head, that had a major effect on how I viewed myself. I have tourette's syndrome (TS), so got made fun of alot as a kid, and eventually became to be known as one of the trouble-making class clowns. Along with that, came teachers, adults mind you, that told me, literally, that I was stupid, that I would never amount to anything in life, and that I was a loser. Now, here was the tricky part, in terms of my therapy. I am now an adult, so when I've always looked back on those situations, a part of me thought, "well, yeah, I can understand why teachers treated me that way, because I was behaving like a little *******"...but you know what? the little kid that was treated that way by an adult, did NOT deserve to be told those lies, by adults, by people that he was supposed to look up to. Once I realized that, these people had really hurt me emotionally, things began to change. Now, I know not only why I have LSE, but also, where it came from.. and, I know, that this came from other people that were being mean, from adults that were not very ethical, from adults, who had absolutely no right to treat a child that way. I know for a fact, that I never have and never would treat a child that way...Now, no, this is not a cure. But, knowing why and where a huge part of my LSE came from, I have been able to begin healing. It is really hard to change from LSE, when you do not know where it comes from. So, I was taught LSE by adults.. for me, I know, that I am not stupid, but I still tell myself sometimes that I am..but now, I know, that it is not me saying that, it is in my head because some uncompassionate people stuck it in there during an important time in my life.
When you said, that hating yourself has become as natural as breathing, I completely, fully, 100% understand how you feel. I have been that way most of my life. It is miserable. It is aweful, and I am sorry that you feel that way. I wished I could make you better... but I can't, only you can. Keep up the work with your therapist.
I have improved my self-esteem through the realizations that I mentioned above. Obviously, there is more to it than that...that was a synopsis of about 3 months of weekly therapy sessions, and hours upon hours upon hours of self-exploration... and hopefully I'll have a job soon so that I can return lol.... I still have LSE, but its so much better for me, now, and I know that you, too, can improve your LSE through self-realization. Therapists are only "assistants" ... you do the work, but a really good therapist can assist you in becoming more confident in yourself as a person.
And the whole extroverted, outgoing thing... I never really thought of it till you pointed it out the way that you did, but I, too, sometimes feel that way. I always feel like I should be around people... but,,, whenver I am, I drink alcohol like a fish, because I am just so uncomfortable around groups of people, that I "need" alcohol to make me feel.... better? idk..... I think it is great that you know that aspect about yourself... knowing that, is, i'm guessing, the first step to accepting. I mean, most of us do not even know ourselves good enough to recognize that, so I applaud you in knowing yourself as well as you do...
i hope my babbling made at least a little bit of sense....
addendum: also, just to add for the relationship aspect... I was in a relationship that was controlling when I began therapy. My (now) ex, imo, she couldn't handle my new found confidence, my new found acceptance in myself. She was accustomed to forcing me to do things, and I stopped allowing her to treat me this way, so she left. That is kind of the reverse of what you were asking about, but clearly, this is a good sign... by accepting myself more, I stopped allowing a controlling person to be in charge of me, and stood up for myself.. so yes, it helped tremendously in terms of relationships... I have more work to do before I will be able to enter into another relationship, but I am confident that, it will be better, and I will be able to more fully love the person that I am with, as I will (and do) love myself more... I felt this change occuring during therapy...hte more I began accepting and loving myself, the stronger of a bond I felt with my SO...even though she did have a controlling personality.
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