Self reflection

[user 188522]

Yes, I have a warm, kind nature; I am affectionate if you have fur, feathers, shells, or claws.

 

[Colster]

Yes, I have a warm, kind nature; I am affectionate if you have fur, feathers, shells, or claws.

I have been meaning to shave my back!

 

[TogetherAlone]

Honestly I'm just not good at it, like I am very loving, caring and affectionate but I panic easily and always have to fight the urge of self sabotage, I enjoy my own space too much like prolonged periods of time of being around someone can make me quite irritable and I'm easily overwhelmed by people's emotions/feelings to the point I kinda shut down and come across apathetic when in truth I just shut down to try and process everything.

I started typing more but honestly I'm tired (another self reflected problem) I have very low energy and will often give up trying to explain something

 

[ewomack]

I have a question... hmm I hope it's okay to ask, do you find that sometimes these "flaws" or "drawbacks" make the relationship stronger?

It's completely okay to ask, but I'll give the usual boring answer that "it depends." Yet I think that the awareness of one's possible shortcomings strengthens a relationship more than the actual shortcomings do. Being aware of how other people may react to you can help with getting along over time. I've also learned to be more open about these things early on, because they help prepare the person I'm dating for my quirks, rather than them getting surprised by them. Though I might seem self-aware, I think I still have a ways to go, but asking people for feedback or input on how your behavior affects them also helps, but you have to remain pretty open-minded. The worst moments I've had in relationships are when the other person became moody and short with me, but then wouldn't talk about it and later acted as if the situation never happened. That didn't help things at all and left me feeling like "what did I do? And what do I do the next time it happens?" Communication and openness are so important. If you're afraid to tell your partner how you're feeling, then you probably still have work to do as a couple. Self-awareness takes practice, some courage and the ability to accept yourself as a perfectly flawed human being, just like all the other perfectly flawed human beings out there. It also helps develop a sense of empathy for others as well, as it takes some practice and a dose of epistemological and phenomenological imagination to imagine yourself in another person's shoes. The world really needs more empathy, we're a bit low on it at the moment. In the end, empathy can make relationships, both personal and romantic, stronger.

 

[user 148069]

-I like to talk about topics that other people don't want to go near: ethics, philosophy, the end of the world, history, the fate of the universe, unpleasant aspects of the human condition, etc.
-I like to read a lot, which some people find misanthropic
-I have trouble showing emotions. I was raised by stoics and a lot of that has remained. It has served me extremely well in just about every avenue of life except in relationships - my wife has said that I have never "acted out" at her and she finds that intimidating at times since she would feel guilty for doing the same to me - I don't yell or argue in violent ways ever, which tends to calm the other person down, though a few of my past girlfriends were frustrated that I never "got mad at anything" - I do laugh a lot though, which I hope makes up for it a little
-I'm not fashionable and have little regard for the world of fashion
-I've never wanted children and I still don't want them
-I like to study other languages, so I sometimes roam about the house speaking aloud in French, Spanish, Arabic or Japanese for practice
-I like to live well within my means (probably too much) - no big house, fancy cars, furniture, etc. - my wife and I are still using the set of used dishes she bought at a second-hand store for $16 almost 20 years ago - we do not like loans, so we paid for our condo and cars with cash
-I have trouble making friends and meeting new people
-I'm not a sex maniac - I don't need a lot of sex like many men (and women) do, which has been a problem in past relationships, as I can be annoyingly difficult to seduce
-I can sometimes over-analyze things

I think that's enough confession for now.

a lot of things you stated here don't make one a lousy partner (except for point 5 which may be a deal breaker for some), i think your wife is lucky to have you.

 

[user 148069]

To answer Sunless's question;

-i can hold a grudge. It can take me a really long time to forget and forgive something hurtful

-i am quiet in real life and tend to overthink which can cause me to feel bad about myself and this means
i may not be an uplifting presence

-i not spontaneous

 

[Tonita]

I think I can adapt well to my partners, but sometimes that's where the problem comes from - I lose a part of myself. I transform to be comfortable for the other, but I start to suppress my true nature and feelings.
I don't like to hurt people. I always try to make them feel good, no matter what happens to me.
I have trust issues, which in many cases leads me to doom my relationships to failure in advance.
I am generally a depressed person and I succumb to negative thoughts about things that have never really happened, but I experience them as real and torment myself in this way.
I tend to over-analyze and over-think, which usually leads to the above.
Come to think of it, I can write a lot in a negative way about myself ... and that would be a lie, because I think I also have a lot of good qualities. Unfortunately, I only stare at the negatives, and this has been the case for years.

 

[ewomack]

a lot of things you stated here don't make one a lousy partner (except for point 5 which may be a deal breaker for some), i think your wife is lucky to have you.

That's very nice for you to say, we do seem to have a pretty solid relationship at this point. I'm lucky to have her as well.

My list included things that have actually been problems for me with past relationships, except I've always been upfront about the kids from the start, but that has usually just prevented second or third dates from happening. Otherwise, everything else has actually come up in one or more past relationships. I agree that they don't necessarily make me a lousy partner, but apparently not everyone agrees.

 

[michael2]

I suffer from an incurable mental illness, Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. So in a group of people I tend to completely freeze up and not socialize. Its weird and creepy. Its just my way of protecting myself from people. They cant attack you or hurt you if you dont say anything. This is how I dealt with my dad growing up, and its how I deal with groups of people today. I would love for someone to give me care and attention. But I fear I'll always doubt they are sincere, because I dont think I am loveable.

Growing up in a healthy environment a kid is suppose to learn that he is loveable and worthy of love. When you grow up in an environment where you are never told or shown you are loved, rather you are constantly criticized, attacked, and belittled, you end up feeling you are unlovable. Permanently. You spend your whole life wondering why your friends like you. You never think you do good enough of a job. You over analyze every mistake.

I neglect my health alot. I'm not overweight, but I don't eat healthy food, and I dont take my medication for eyes regularly at all.

I'm kinda messy. Im not a pig, but Im not spotless either. I should be more tidy.

 

[MissBehave]

I suffer from an incurable mental illness, Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. So in a group of people I tend to completely freeze up and not socialize. Its weird and creepy. Its just my way of protecting myself from people. They cant attack you or hurt you if you dont say anything. This is how I dealt with my dad growing up, and its how I deal with groups of people today. I would love for someone to give me care and attention. But I fear I'll always doubt they are sincere, because I dont think I am loveable.

Growing up in a healthy environment a kid is suppose to learn that he is loveable and worthy of love. When you grow up in an environment where you are never told or shown you are loved, rather you are constantly criticized, attacked, and belittled, you end up feeling you are unlovable. Permanently. You spend your whole life wondering why your friends like you. You never think you do good enough of a job. You over analyze every mistake.

I neglect my health alot. I'm not overweight, but I don't eat healthy food, and I dont take my medication for eyes regularly at all.

I'm kinda messy. Im not a pig, but Im not spotless either. I should be more tidy.

Do you feel it's easier to talk with people online?
I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. I hope tomorrow bring something good for you.

 

[michael2]

Do you feel it's easier to talk with people online?
I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. I hope tomorrow bring something good for you.

It's easier to talk to people online, but I have a strong uneasy feeling that I dont fit in, and everyone can turn on me at any moment. For some reason I take criticism from people online much better then I do in real life. But the odd part is 99% of criticism I face in real life comes from myself. When I get legitimate criticism from my boss for example, its odd that I usually take it well. But when I criticize myself, I take it very hard. It makes no sense.

Thank you for the well-wishes I appreciate it.

 

[MissBehave]

It's easier to talk to people online, but I have a strong uneasy feeling that I dont fit in, and everyone can turn on me at any moment. For some reason I take criticism from people online much better then I do in real life. But the odd part is 99% of criticism I face in real life comes from myself. When I get legitimate criticism from my boss for example, its odd that I usually take it well. But when I criticize myself, I take it very hard. It makes no sense.

Thank you for the well-wishes I appreciate it.

I think it makes perfect sense. It's harder to hate yourself vs when others do it. You only have to deal with your boss for a limited time but you can never escape your own judgment.

 

[user 139760]

I don't know if I still "got it".
I don't even know if I still "want it".
What would make me a bad partner? About as many things, if not more, than those who would make me a good one.
But, through all that, for someone out there, it'll make me the perfect partner, for some unknown, unfathomable reason.
That's who I'm waiting for. She only needs to step forward.

 

[Abstamyous]

Sometimes, I take on an extra shift at work when I already have other plans. Whoops.

 

[TogetherAlone]

Also guess I dissociate a lot and end up not really knowing if something actually happened or was a dream and my filter is pretty terrible sometimes it goes completly.

 

[sniffles]

My self reflection.

Nonconformity to many social norms. I prefer sticking to my own principles than follow along to 'fit in'. When I try to fit in I become unhappy, so it is a catch 22. Fit in and be unhappy, or don't and be alone.

I have a selfish idea of love. I've always thought I had a lot to give and just needed someone that appreciated it. But the other person will only be happy if I give them what THEY want, not my idea of what they want.

I want things to be perfect. This means I either don't take action because I don't expect a perfect outcome, or take too long overthinking things.

I've been alone all my life so I have no idea how connect deeply with someone, even though I would like to do so.