Serious question

[Brian7]

I've been very lonely for as long as I can remember. Somedays it hits me worst then others, but I try not to let it bother me. I always hear people either tell me or say this. "There's someone out there for everyone." My question is are they just saying that to cheer people up and leave them with empty hope? Or is that actually true and when the time is right will things fall into place?

 

[Edward W]

I think considering the billions of people in the world there would be someone out there who can bceome special to you, it's the actually finding them and making that connection thats the difficult bit.

You see someone, they look up and smile and... what next? Do you take a risk, possible rejection, possible relationship...

If you want to find someone you have to look and be willing to take some chances.

 

[Regumika]

Or is that actually true and when the time is right will things fall into place?

It is actually true, the [catch] is that it's 75% your choice. By [choice] I don't mean that you just have to accept them [for who they are]. You also have to choose to qualify yourself.

Let me give you an overthetop example. Let's say you shower once a month. Who wants that? But you can argue that "it's who you are." But that's not a valid argument. Change your habit, get clean, then perhaps more people will like to be around you.

 

[daughter of the moon]

No, I beg to differ with the two gentlemen before me

It's a bunch of bullcrap, just a worn-out phrase to make you feel better. Think about it. So many people remain alone all their lives, and this is not just about being stupid and waiting for the ultimately right person..... Some people just don't have any luck in that resort and will NEVER find ANYONE. This is reality. I know some people are going to crucify me over saying this, but just the same - truth is ugly. I've seen so many adult and old people who were still alone. There simply is not one out there for everyone. If there was, you wouldn't see so many single people, especially in the higher age groups. Logically thinking, that is

 

[Gutted]

Or is that actually true and when the time is right will things fall into place?

It is actually true, the [catch] is that it's 75% your choice. By [choice] I don't mean that you just have to accept them [for who they are]. You also have to choose to qualify yourself.

Let me give you an overthetop example. Let's say you shower once a month. Who wants that? But you can argue that "it's who you are." But that's not a valid argument. Change your habit, get clean, then perhaps more people will like to be around you.

Hey don't question my shower habits! I told you that in strict confidence!

There is someone out there for everyone. But there isn't someone PERFECT out there for everyone. You might have to accept someone with aspects you don't like. As stated (I think) You need to be flexible yourself.

 

[Regumika]

No, I beg to differ with the two gentlemen before me

It's a bunch of bullcrap, just a worn-out phrase to make you feel better. Think about it. So many people remain alone all their lives, and this is not just about being stupid and waiting for the ultimately right person..... Some people just don't have any luck in that resort and will NEVER find ANYONE. This is reality. I know some people are going to crucify me over saying this, but just the same - truth is ugly. I've seen so many adult and old people who were still alone. There simply is not one out there for everyone. If there was, you wouldn't see so many single people, especially in the higher age groups. Logically thinking, that is

I agree with you in terms of reality. Most people thinks in the term that "there is someone for everyone" <-- this is false. What should happen is that "everyone [have] to choose and accept someone." <-- the "someone" in this statement goes back to that there is someone for everyone, but you still have to choose it.

If you have the mentality that the right person is going to fall on your lap "like it has for everyone that is happy" then you are sorely mistaken. People don't just fall in other people's laps gift wrapped with a ribbon. You have to get the present and wrap it yourself. Even relationship is not a freebie.

You don't come across a perfect relationship, you have to make it.

 

[Badjedidude]

Things don't just fall into place.

Committed, ambitious, stubborn people makes things happen.

Don't give up -- that doesn't just mean keeping the hope alive. That means getting out there and busting your ass to achieve what you want to achieve; whether we're talking about earning money, finding love, etc.

 

[Sci-Fi]

For some people things seem to just fall into place for them all the time. My brother is an example of that, he's never been out of work since his first job out of college but has worked for 4 different people now. One bought the company he worked for and when they folded the business another was waiting to scoop him up. When that boss retired he helped my brother get a job with another place. I haven't been so lucky. For most of us we have to work at it to have things fall into place for us, it's hard, it'ss tiresome, it's frustrating at times, and it just brings you down. But when things finally click all your hard work finally feels like it was worth it.

 

[Batman55]

There is someone out there for everyone. But there isn't someone PERFECT out there for everyone. You might have to accept someone with aspects you don't like. As stated (I think) You need to be flexible yourself.

"The people I'm interested in aren't interested in me; those interested in me, I'm not interested in"

I don't think my answer is to keep lowering my standards. I don't have very high standards. I would accept most if not all of my many problems and deficiencies in another partner, and also accept that such a person may be very hard to find because I'm so far out of the mainstream, I may as well be in another dimension.

But what about this: If I'm an average looking guy, is it such a horrible thing to say, I'd like an average looking woman? I've seen guys say this before and get slammed for it. But look more closely... is it not true that everyone has standards? Is it not true that when the great majority of men put up a profile on a dating site, they are skipped over for the small minority that live within the "worthy zone"--however you define it?

 

[lostatsea]

Sci-Fi got it the closest to what I think. For some people things just come naturally. They float from one good thing to another. But in the end, as much as people seem to believe it it's not luck. If Sci-Fi's brother has always had a job. I'm betting he's a great at what he does. He works hard at it, so his employers have gone out of the way to help him when it was time to move on. It's not simply, luck. Luck is the system of design.

A lot of people have had some terrible luck its true. But they've also lost the will to fight, and try, and strive and you can see that. They've gotten in a rut but rather than do anything about it, they stay in the rut, and sulk in hopelessness and self pity. It just becomes excuse after excuse. The mind is fragile and if it takes too much sadness it's easy to start feeling hopeless.

The truth is ugly. A lot of people have it so much harder than others. They've been "cursed" with traits that just make it so much harder to get some things others can get so easily. It is very possible to never meet anyone if you don't go out of your way to find it. Just like working. Some people are blessed to be desired and wanted their entire life. Not only will they always have jobs, they will have high paying jobs. Others, will be lots of applying, and lots of rejection. If you don't look for a job you won't find it, because getting a job can be hard. But if you spend hours every single day applying for jobs you will eventually get one. It might not be one that you like. Unfortunately it's almost guaranteed you won't like it. You may be overqualified and forced to take something that you feel is beneath you. But there's no doubt you could get one.

So yes. If you're putting yourself out there. If you're actively trying. There is someone out there for you.

 

[Darkness]

No, I beg to differ with the two gentlemen before me

It's a bunch of bullcrap, just a worn-out phrase to make you feel better. Think about it. So many people remain alone all their lives, and this is not just about being stupid and waiting for the ultimately right person..... Some people just don't have any luck in that resort and will NEVER find ANYONE. This is reality. I know some people are going to crucify me over saying this, but just the same - truth is ugly. I've seen so many adult and old people who were still alone. There simply is not one out there for everyone. If there was, you wouldn't see so many single people, especially in the higher age groups. Logically thinking, that is

I agree with what she said!

 

[Veruca]

I resonate most with what Sci-fi and lostatsea said...I think with so many people in the world, its unlikely for it to work out easily for everyone. Some people do seem to have better luck at relationships than others. Perhaps the only thing we can do is try to figure out what works best for us. For some, persevering keeps them going, while for others giving up on relationships and focusing on other things seem to help

 

[Cucuboth]

I think the whole "there is someone out there for everyone" line is total b/s. From my own experience, hearing it for over 20 years, it's often said by people who simply aren't in the same situation. And they never say it to make you feel better. They say it to make you shut up, and to make themselves feel better. "Hey. That's the best advice I can give. I've done all I can!" Aaaaww, bless 'em .... it's infuriating that people think we still fall for it. Maybe at 12 we do. Maybe even at 18. But there comes a point when you realise it's just hollow words.

Of course, it doesn't make it any easier though. Not everyone can just throw the loneliness aside and focus on something else. The torture of it is always there ....

Also seen some people mention taking a risk. True, you have to take a risk to find someone. But so does someone else. You have to take a chance on them, and they have to take a chance on you too. Risk is a two way street. You can take all the risk you want, but if the other person isn't willing to, then, your just going to fall back in to that pit again. I think a lot of people forget that when they trot out the risk thing.

 

[9006]

I've been very lonely for as long as I can remember. Somedays it hits me worst then others, but I try not to let it bother me. I always hear people either tell me or say this. "There's someone out there for everyone." My question is are they just saying that to cheer people up and leave them with empty hope? Or is that actually true and when the time is right will things fall into place?

I suppose it's about belief, there are so many people in the world that it's very unlikely that you're not compatible with any of them, though I think that a 'perfect' person doesn't exist, there's always compromise. But I wouldn't just sit around waiting for something to happen, it may never; though that's not to say that you should go around looking for this ideal person, you should accept your current position but be aware of opportunities that may present themselves.

 

[Rosebolt]

I've been very lonely for as long as I can remember. Somedays it hits me worst then others, but I try not to let it bother me. I always hear people either tell me or say this. "There's someone out there for everyone." My question is are they just saying that to cheer people up and leave them with empty hope? Or is that actually true and when the time is right will things fall into place?

I think it's to cheer people up. However, if you keep trying and working on your flaws you'll meet nice people to hang out with. There's no reason to be alone all your life.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I've been very lonely for as long as I can remember. Somedays it hits me worst then others, but I try not to let it bother me. I always hear people either tell me or say this. "There's someone out there for everyone." My question is are they just saying that to cheer people up and leave them with empty hope? Or is that actually true and when the time is right will things fall into place?

I think if you look after yourself, keep your standards up, have a positive attitude, try to be happy and active then you have A chance.

Might not be much of a chance but it could happen one day !

 

[GrannySmith111]

I've been very lonely for as long as I can remember. Somedays it hits me worst then others, but I try not to let it bother me. I always hear people either tell me or say this. "There's someone out there for everyone." My question is are they just saying that to cheer people up and leave them with empty hope? Or is that actually true and when the time is right will things fall into place?

Will things fall into place when the time is right? I don't know man. Do you believe in destiny? Is there a "right time" when you will suddenly stop being lonely and find a group of friends? I wonder that too sometimes :/. The close group of friends I used to hangout with I decided to leave. They weren't treating me like a good friend so I thought it best for me to just stop contacting them. After a while, they did the same and made no effort to hangout with me anymore.

I wish that I could find a good group of true friends that I could keep for a long time. I'm always wondering when that time will come. When will I finally find those group of friends who will stick around by my side no matter what? Do they even exist?

To answer your question, I believe that it's really up to you. There are lots of people in this big world. I bet there's people out there who would get along with you. It's up to you to go out there and find them!

 

[Solivagant]

For some people things seem to just fall into place for them all the time. My brother is an example of that, he's never been out of work since his first job out of college but has worked for 4 different people now. One bought the company he worked for and when they folded the business another was waiting to scoop him up. When that boss retired he helped my brother get a job with another place. I haven't been so lucky. For most of us we have to work at it to have things fall into place for us, it's hard, it'ss tiresome, it's frustrating at times, and it just brings you down. But when things finally click all your hard work finally feels like it was worth it.

No, I beg to differ with the two gentlemen before me

It's a bunch of bullcrap, just a worn-out phrase to make you feel better. Think about it. So many people remain alone all their lives, and this is not just about being stupid and waiting for the ultimately right person..... Some people just don't have any luck in that resort and will NEVER find ANYONE. This is reality. I know some people are going to crucify me over saying this, but just the same - truth is ugly. I've seen so many adult and old people who were still alone. There simply is not one out there for everyone. If there was, you wouldn't see so many single people, especially in the higher age groups. Logically thinking, that is

I agree with what she said!

I think the whole "there is someone out there for everyone" line is total b/s. From my own experience, hearing it for over 20 years, it's often said by people who simply aren't in the same situation. And they never say it to make you feel better. They say it to make you shut up, and to make themselves feel better. "Hey. That's the best advice I can give. I've done all I can!" Aaaaww, bless 'em .... it's infuriating that people think we still fall for it. Maybe at 12 we do. Maybe even at 18. But there comes a point when you realise it's just hollow words.

Of course, it doesn't make it any easier though. Not everyone can just throw the loneliness aside and focus on something else. The torture of it is always there ....

Also seen some people mention taking a risk. True, you have to take a risk to find someone. But so does someone else. You have to take a chance on them, and they have to take a chance on you too. Risk is a two way street. You can take all the risk you want, but if the other person isn't willing to, then, your just going to fall back in to that pit again. I think a lot of people forget that when they trot out the risk thing.

^ What they all said.

 

[Okiedokes]

I think there are people out there for each person, and it doesn't have to be limited to one person. I think there are plenty of people compatible with each other whether just friendship or relationship.

 

[Jovi88]

There is someone out there for everyone. But there isn't someone PERFECT out there for everyone. You might have to accept someone with aspects you don't like. As stated (I think) You need to be flexible yourself.

"The people I'm interested in aren't interested in me; those interested in me, I'm not interested in"

I don't think my answer is to keep lowering my standards. I don't have very high standards. I would accept most if not all of my many problems and deficiencies in another partner, and also accept that such a person may be very hard to find because I'm so far out of the mainstream, I may as well be in another dimension.

But what about this: If I'm an average looking guy, is it such a horrible thing to say, I'd like an average looking woman? I've seen guys say this before and get slammed for it. But look more closely... is it not true that everyone has standards? Is it not true that when the great majority of men put up a profile on a dating site, they are skipped over for the small minority that live within the "worthy zone"--however you define it?

The same thing happens to me. I like a guy that don't like me, and i don't like a guy that likes me. Should i force myself to accept a guy that likes me but i don't?
My friends told me that i should do that. But i just can't.