Setting goals you cannot achieve

[ThePsychologist]

Today in School I made a Psychological Personality test (NEO-pi-r). Some of the results where:
- I scored very high in Depression, Fear and Shame
- Very high in Fantasy, idea's and Feelings.
- And also very low on Discipline, Goal setting and Trustworthy.

This made me think.

I felt like sharing, because typing this out will make me understand my problem better in the process.

My problem is feeling depressed (while not actually being depressed) via a big time overall goal I set for myself, which I cannot achieve. But the weird thing is, I dont feel that way. I still tell myself that I can reach this, but the evidence shows otherwise. Yet I cannot accept it (yet).

It all began in the early years of my life (I am now 21). My brother was and still is way smarter then I am, which led him to great succes (like starring in the best watched television programs, or having his life in order, or when he was younger doing a great feat that you can call "amazing" for his age). As a younger brother, I never could achieve the succes he did. He would take the lead in anything and I would just follow. He is the dominant part of my life, and I love him to death, but his succes never gave me a chance to develop certain skills.

As an example, my brother went to America on age 18 for a whole year. That gave me the chance to develop myself more (I was 16 then). For instance, I usually never would say that much when we where eating dinner at the table, but then, with my brother gone, I got the chance and started to develop my social skills, among other things. He couldn't be dominant, because he wasn't there. Which was a great lesson, but I am still catching up.

The reason why I am telling this much about my brother is probably because I was, and still am, trying to model him and his succes. Wanting to prove to my self and my surrounding (parents, family) that I am special too. Whole my life I have set the bar very very high for my self, and everytime I would fail. Still, I keep my optimism and come up with great ideas I want to achieve, but I simply don't have the discipline to reach it. I know I have the capacities for some of my goals, which makes me sad and angry at my self for not doing what I know I can do.

What I need to do is let go. Let go of the image I want to be and start being myself. That is something I have to do, I know deep inside, yet I am sure I will not be myself for many years to come. The fear of letting go of my identity I carefully build up for my self is too painful.

This image I created for myself, of who I want to be, is now at this moment slowly falling apart. The cause of this is School. I am studying to become a Psychologist. I know I have the capacities, yet I fail at tests due to lack of discipline (I dont study enough as I should, even though I find this stuff very interesting) and a poor understanding of language, which makes me mis-interpet certain questions I get asked on a test.

My poor results is breaking my self-image down. And it hurts, because it feels like my whole life is falling apart. Yet, when I keep peering into the future, I see my self as a knowledgeable Psychologist helping all sorts of people with mental illness.

My big question at the moment is, should I keep trying or should I give up.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

There's nothing wrong with you.....

Religion dose that to people. The perfect idea..yet no one can live to those perfect ideas.
Hence all the guilt, shame and fears. Then the lying, covering up becuase people are so afriad of getting caught committing the so call sins
and being judged.

A perfectionist dose the samething. Afriad of failing or making mistakes...a perfectionist won't try.
You can't make mistakes if you don't do anything..ya know what I'm saying?
Bascailly stand on the side of life , watch and judge everyone else for not being perfect.

Over strictive parents will also cuase a child to have this type of mentality.
Bascailly walking eggshells and afraid to make mistakes.

It's great that you are coming to this self awareness and actualization.
Try not to compete or compair yourself to anyone.

There's plenty of things that you can do easy that would be difficult for your brother.

Set obtainable goals. Then increase the difficulties a little bit at a time.
Like lifting weights or jogging 10 miles. I couldn't jogged a mile at first.

Rather than try to put 150%...maybe try putting 5% of effort.
I know it might sound weird...but you can't eat a stake all in one bite.
Easy dose it...

It's ok to have visions, or plans, however learn how to be in the moment , live in the moment
enjoy what you're doing and being in the moment.

progress..not perfection.
Continous growth.

Be good to yourself..
You're good enough, You were borned more than good enough.

Some people say I'm talented with my guitar. It hasn't always been easy for me and there's a lot of things on the guitar that I find very difficult to play.
I didn't come out of the wombs screaming the pentatonic scale...I had to practice, practice, practice. I can play it in my sleep now.
One thing about playing my guitar is..I'll never play or sound just like anyone...I play and sound like me.
Some people like it..some people hate it...Oh well, it's something I love and enjoy doing.

 

[IGETNONE]

yeah if I were to take that test i'd probably no strike that I would get the same thing high level of depression, loneliness and yeah

 

[Badjedidude]

I never really worry about my psychological health. I think that the more a person thinks about their mental health, the more they begin to question it...and it just gets worse. It's like constantly tongue-ing a sore in your mouth...it never gets better if you spend all your time focusing on it.

So I just do my honeysuckle and never really stop to think about my mental health or how sane I am. Why worry about it? I figure that if I ever get really bad mentally or psychologically, the big men in white coats will come to get me....and that will be my clue to start worrying.

Seriously...just do what you love to do and don't worry about it.

----Steve

 

[androidhippy]

Maybe you have ADD or something, there are ways of coping with it and still doing well in school (even without drugs). When I was in college I honestly could never listen to the lectures, they would just go in one ear and out the other as I sat there daydreaming or mindlessly dictating what I heard. I found that as long as I got the info for what assignments and tests were due and when, I was fine with just learning everything from the book. So I found that I grasp the written word far easier than the spoken word because I can go at it at my own pace. I graduated cum laude even though I pretty much never listened in class.

Each person's different so try to think of the times when you learned the easiest and quickest and try to mimic that approach in your classes. If you're better at listening, tape the classes for later playback, if your better at learning in groups, join or form a study group, etc. If all else fails you can consult campuses counselors to look for other options.

Getting a degree is a noble goal that opens alot of doors, so don't give up.

 

[beachspirit]

My poor results is breaking my self-image down. And it hurts, because it feels like my whole life is falling apart. Yet, when I keep peering into the future, I see my self as a knowledgeable Psychologist helping all sorts of people with mental illness.

My big question at the moment is, should I keep trying or should I give up.

Just my humble opinion, but I am a big believer in never giving up on your goal. If your big goal is to become a pyschologist, then of course you can reach it.

Not that I am an expert on reaching goals(I have failed to reach them also) but just a few suggestions.

1)Don't put pressure on yourself. Just concentrate on doing your best.

2)Maybe look at changing from result goals to process goals. For example, your goal is to become a pyschologist. Work out the steps what you need to get there. Then break down those steps further (eg study an extra two hours a day). Then your goal is that, rather than the big goal. And you keep at your smaller goals, until you reach your big goal. Then your dream doesn't seem so far away.

3)Read about inspiring people. Most inspirational people are not born super intelligent, they do great deeds through hard work and persistence. So read up about these kinds of people and draw inspiration from it to reach your goals.

Remember, if you want something badly enough, then you will do whatever it takes to get there, and feel great after. So, your future is in your hands.

 

[samba101]

It kind of came to me that you have to shine in your own way, there are gifts as you can call them that are uniquely yours and once you tap into them the world is your oyster.

I know what it is like to compare yourself to another sibling in fact I have two, I've never competed with them but see the things that I would like that they have but have been unsuccessful at, but whose to say things will stay that way.

You keep failing because there is an ideal that you need to attain, as I've been told "All that glitters, is not gold", your brother may be the star but look within yourself and see what you have to contribute to the world that is YOU.

Failing leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, and ultimately will lead to defeat.

Do WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY INSIDE, not what you think you need to do.