Should Parents Legally Have More Freedom In The Way They Discipline Their Children?

[Bones]

- Please note: The following are strong, personal opinions (and experiences), but it does not mean I am correct.

- It would have been interesting to see if there is a positive correlation between age and if a person had children as compared to their answers provided for this particular topic.

- I have never spanked my daughter and never had too. All I ever needed to do is make the sign for one, two, and three with my fingers. Why? I was always consistent, told my daughter what she did wrong, removed a privilege, hugged her, and told her I loved her. (IMO, this stuff with parents being a best-friends with their children causes more problems then it solves because role reversals occur - it is the same type of issue at work if someone has a weak leader and the chain of command erodes.)

- My grandmother made me go outside and pick a switch. She would test it to make sure I picked a good one. If I did not, the switching would be harder and longer. At any rate, I never did it again and I am grateful for it. There was no abuse - it was tough love.

- Our school use to paddle us and the paddles had holes in it. It hurt and our schools never really had discipline problems. All you ever hear nowadays is that classrooms are zoos without any discipline. Removing paddling from the schools probably contributed to more unruly kids because they could away with stuff and have no real consequences. And, when I attended a private, catholic school for the first two grades, the nuns would hit your hand with a ruler really hard if you got out of line - you could hear a pin drop in the classroom but we learned our lessons without any interruptions and I am grateful for it.

- In the end, there is a fine line between abuse and spankings as stated by a previous poster earlier. Each child is different and responds differently to different types of punishment and reinforcement. The parent has to be consistent; otherwise, timeouts, spankings, etc will not do any good; because if they know they can get what they want by pushing their parent further and further until they give in, the parent has already lost the battle for displine. Normally, those are the types of kids that are unruly because their parents will "reward" them for acting badly by giving in to their demands.

- And finally, each parent should become familiar with the following chart and what it represents:

 

[sullirose]

This sort of question lends itself to sweeping generalizations and oversimplified answers.

Like so many things, the answer lies in between.

What could be more nuanced a topic than how we discipline our children?

As a victim of rather horrendous child abuse myself, I believe I can offer a viewpoint based in reality as opposed to theory.

(Wanna see the pics of my face?)

Anyway, sometimes kids need their ***** hit!

Running toward a busy road, climbing the fence at the alligator exhibit, answering the door when a stranger knocks - these sorts of things can be SO dangerous, that if a smack on the ass guarantees it doesn't happen again. Better to be bruised than dead.

There is a difference between a swat or two on the ass and a beating. I used to get lifted off the ground and hit so hard and so many times with a belt across my ass that I had to crawl away screaming and hide in a corner, unable to walk.

My father did that to my brothers. I often listened through the floor to hear their screams. In a sick way I was happy, because they were terrorizing ME, beating ME.

Doesn't make it right and I have to say that beating kids or even spanking them, unless they're doing something that will cause them death or a physical danger, shouldn't be encouraged. It causes fear, and with me, a masochistic sense.

 

[Limlim]

Somewhere along the line, your brothers figured out that when you hurt people, they do what you want. Wonder where they learned that from?

 

[floffyschneeman]

I heard from church last Sunday,.. it takes a society to raise up a child. and I really think that it's true in most cases. It's hard to be a parent these days, specially when the whole idea of angst, rage, hate and all kind of strong negative emotions are being advertised as something attractive or ''cool''. In my opinion, the best way to raise up a child is to show as much love as you can not literally saying that you should hug and kiss and pamper and provide them with all their whims but showing that everything you do are for them because you only want good things for them aided by your willingness to listen to your children and consider their opinions and feelings.

Though I can't tell all these base on parenting experience as the closest I got to parenting was taking care of my little brother but I base my opinion on how my parents raised me. My parents were always away while I was growing up. they had to work abroad. As a result, it's awkward for me to show affection to them or to most people at all. But I love them with all my heart because they could have done so much more with their lives and achieved the things most people dream of, a life doing the things you love, travelling, hobbies, luxury. But they've compromised all that to give us what they could have, a life of passion. Instead of a life doing the things they love, they live a life doing things for the people they love and with that, I'll always be indebted.

So, though I am not for spanking per se. I could understand parents as they're also only trying to be the best parents they know how. But just remember the importance of a child understanding why things had to be done or why you resulted to doing this and cos children do understand.

 

[sullirose]

Somewhere along the line, your brothers figured out that when you hurt people, they do what you want. Wonder where they learned that from?

not sure. they never listened to my dad until he gave them dirt bikes. they constantly disrespecting my mother, that is from my father of course.

 

[Lonely in BC]

I grew up getting a smack upside the head for the mildest of offenses and pretty severe beatings for the more serious things. It didn't make me respectful or even fearful- it did make me angry. Unfortunately that anger resulted in a guy with a mean streak. I wasted an awful lot of my life engaged in violent behavior as that's what seemed normal to me.

Eventually I came to the realization that anger and violence was a waste of my life and I lost years of my life due to those actions. Being aware that i was virtually friendless because I was such an ******* was a sobering shock as well.

I'm not that guy anymore (thank god). When it comes to my nine year old I can't raise a hand to her- there is no bigger way to disrespect a person than hitting them. Maybe I've been lucky that she's not a maniacal, screaming brat. Its likely more due to a joint decision that as she was being raised she would feel loved and meaningful, that her being here was no accident and we appreciate having her in our lives. Her mother and I have always shown her respect, we talk to her as a person, consider her opinions, and when she does something questionable we talk it out (why was the action wrong, possible consequences, why it's disappointing, etc) and we've found that its pretty devastating to her when a treasured item is taken away or a privilege/special event is revoked. I think grounding is pointless as its a drawn out event, it really doesn't teach anything.

That's my two cents. Anyone who hits a kid is an ******* in my books. There's better ways of dealing with issues.

 

[fox]

To hit a child.. nothing good comes of it..

 

[sullirose]

I grew up getting a smack upside the head for the mildest of offenses and pretty severe beatings for the more serious things. It didn't make me respectful or even fearful- it did make me angry. Unfortunately that anger resulted in a guy with a mean streak. I wasted an awful lot of my life engaged in violent behavior as that's what seemed normal to me.

Eventually I came to the realization that anger and violence was a waste of my life and I lost years of my life due to those actions. Being aware that i was virtually friendless because I was such an ******* was a sobering shock as well.

I'm not that guy anymore (thank god). When it comes to my nine year old I can't raise a hand to her- there is no bigger way to disrespect a person than hitting them. Maybe I've been lucky that she's not a maniacal, screaming brat. Its likely more due to a joint decision that as she was being raised she would feel loved and meaningful, that her being here was no accident and we appreciate having her in our lives. Her mother and I have always shown her respect, we talk to her as a person, consider her opinions, and when she does something questionable we talk it out (why was the action wrong, possible consequences, why it's disappointing, etc) and we've found that its pretty devastating to her when a treasured item is taken away or a privilege/special event is revoked. I think grounding is pointless as its a drawn out event, it really doesn't teach anything.

That's my two cents. Anyone who hits a kid is an ******* in my books. There's better ways of dealing with issues.

It definitely makes you angry.

 

[MadMonkè]

yes.
countries have laws.
families have rules.