Shy Sometimes

[Sunless Sky]

I tend to self reflect and think about my behaviour a lot (more than I should really). I noticed that I can be affable, friendly, witty, and heck, even cool.....sometimes. Other times, I am silent and shy. Its not like I act positively around people I know and shy around strangers, no. I could meet someone for the first time ever and act like they're my best friend, totally extroverted. On the other hand, I could be hanging out with friends and I'll be silent and uncomfortable and wanting to be by myself, totally introverted.

I also noticed, to my chagrin, that I tend to be less extroverted if there is another total extrovert in the group or the person I am talking to is very extroverted. I am trying to figure out why. Is it because I see no point in being like that if someone else is already doing it? or....and this is what I hope is wrong but have a feeling it is not....I don't act that way because I am afraid of the competition?

Does anyone here have a similar experience socially? To be so dual in nature?

 

[Unsigned]

Yes I am exactly the same.
I can sometimes be the loudest guy in the room, and other times hide in the corner.
Not sure why.
And like you it makes no difference if around friends or strangers.

 

[okidoke]

I tend to self reflect and think about my behaviour a lot (more than I should really). I noticed that I can be affable, friendly, witty, and heck, even cool.....sometimes. Other times, I am silent and shy. Its not like I act positively around people I know and shy around strangers, no. I could meet someone for the first time ever and act like they're my best friend, totally extroverted. On the other hand, I could be hanging out with friends and I'll be silent and uncomfortable and wanting to be by myself, totally introverted.

I also noticed, to my chagrin, that I tend to be less extroverted if there is another total extrovert in the group or the person I am talking to is very extroverted. I am trying to figure out why. Is it because I see no point in being like that if someone else is already doing it? or....and this is what I hope is wrong but have a feeling it is not....I don't act that way because I am afraid of the competition?

Does anyone here have a similar experience socially? To be so dual in nature?

Oh that’s me, but I’ve come to understand that one reason I hold back, not totally, but some, is because I don’t want to take away from someone’s limelight. Often I just don’t have that much to say in social groups, which I don’t really mix in much for many years now, but when I have, I’ve felt that I didn’t really have much to contribute. When I camp with my two camping buddies, we each just let loose as we’re quite comfortable with one another. I’ve also been in situations where I’ve held back to see if the other party would engage with me more instead of me doing all the work and also the opposite when I have felt that the other party has some difficulty engaging, to get them out of their shell in a way. Sometimes conversations can just be extremely awkward or exhausting and I pack it up quick and move on.

 

[Sunless Sky]

I've also noticed that, if you just put me in a group with the purpose of just talking to people, I might be a bit reserved but, if I am in a game or some kind of activity, competitive or cooperative, I become very active and in sync. It gotten to the point where people who have had interactions with talked to each other and each described a completely different person when its just me.

 

[Hoarse Whisperer]

I tend to get extremely anxious before a social encounter that involves two or more people. Despite this I somehow pull through with a mask of comfort and an endless supply of mostly meaningless words. When I was younger I followed some reasonable advice to just fake it- act more confident than I was, because nobody knows the difference. Aiding me in this endeavor was having a few pocketed one-liners that I could throw out situationally. The only real way through social anxiety is to expose yourself to it and keep working at it. It helps if you're a bit delusional though- or at least it did for me.