Single for 5 1/2 years, any advice?

dannyr22 · Apr 29, 2012

I've only ever had one girlfriend who dumped me for no apparent reason after a week. Been single ever since. 5 1/2 years is quite unusual where I'm from at my age!

Sadly got drunk & lost my virginity which I regret as I wanted my 1st time to be special, instead it was a drunken mistake.

Anyone got advice on finding an understanding girl to date? I've got mental health issues & find it very hard to get girls numbers etc. I live alone & am definately ready to commit to one person although marridge & children can wait a few years at least!

I am quite shy but it's a daily change with me, some days I feel good & confident but most days the oppisote.

P.S. online dating does not work for me so it's not going to help mentioning it... I must have followed advice from every website on the planet & still not got anywhere!

Avaron · Apr 29, 2012

Well, to be quite honest, it's not like I can just tell you "do this and do this" and you'll automatically have a girl in your arms. We're pretty difficult, us ladies, and I can understand that it must have been pretty hard on you all this time. :/ You seem to have been getting along well despite that, though.

I think that it's all an internal situation. Confidence is key, and while that holds true, you also have to come across as open. Make sure to find someone that understands you and your situation, but also be willing to understand that person as well.
Girls aren't going to notice you unless you make sure that you're noticed. And not in some flamboyant way, but coming across as a very nice person, someone that they may be interested in: nice, confident, understanding, sensitive...

I know that if you keep trying, you're bound to find someone out there that'll be good for you! You just have to keep trying, and if needed, try harder, and harder, and harder (not desperately though...)!

Go for it!

TropicalStarfish · Apr 29, 2012

Well you are on your own, so that helps immensely. Not sure I have much advice to give other than to make yourself available and get some exposure to social situations. Single people looking for partners are generally pretty willing to (bump heads) so to speak to get some where. Now as to how to go about finding good sources of social activities, I have no clue. Join a local volley ball team? heh Good luck. I do know, though, except that being put into social contexts, is the key. And I don't mean just going to church once or voulunteering for a few days for 1 month out of the year. You have to be a part of a social architecture that recycles it's constituents. That way you can make your initial goal, one of establishment. Establishing yourself as a member, be it an employee, a member, a team player, etc etc so that you can face obstacles with other people and build a team orientated rapport that will allow you to establish an identity amongst your peers. During that entire process you can engage in casual flirting, persue interests, and or even begin to distance yourself from the group if you'd rather just be recycled out and move on to the next situation.

Good luck.

Tiina63 · May 1, 2012

I agree with the above posters that widening your social circle is a good idea. Choose activities you enjoy though, don't do just anything. Don't completely write off internet dating either. Just because it hasn't worked for you yet doesn't mean that it never will. You could do it in combination with going out more.