specialness

[bluemill]

Hello All,
Would have to say that this forum is quiet the genuine idea for us 'lonelies'.

About me,

I use actually to have lots of 'friends' (depending in your definition or mine of the word) sometimes ago. At school I was a sort of 'smart queen b', at high-school, my mates will elect me to represent them (though I never really volunteered or aimed to), at Uni I discovered that I was sort of 'difficult to approach' for some apparent coldness..I had to correct these 'not-really-the-case' opinions quickly, and some were happy to get to know me.

In parallel to my 'scientific life-path', I lived a busy social life with a bunch of amazing (back then) girls. We used to travel, to party like crazies, to have the best fun ever in short.

Then we all grew up, some of the girls get married others simply changed and were no longer the same. Some stab me in the back, some
hurt me.

I just call it quiet and shut down the windows of communication.

I do actually and by nature enjoy to have the so precious time for me and by me (I'm sort of an artist), though always enjoyed and loved good company.

Now what worries me is the following: i have a marriage proposal from someone I have enough reasons to think he will make a good husband. I have manage to convince him to live separately even after sealing the deal. The thing is sometimes (just like this week), I didn't had any interest in seeing him at all. I just wanted to spend my free time on my own. He panicked and asked if I really mean and still want to commit to him.

Episodes like this will certainly repeat themselves in the future, what do you think? should I spent some effort in improving this issue?

Hope to hear from soon friends!

Best

 

[ThinkPositive]

Without REALLY knowing you, it's hard to say, but here's what came up in my head:

You wanting to spend free time to yourself is perfectly healthy and normal, though I would make sure that you want to marry him because you love him and want to get married at this time, not because he "makes a good husband."

Him "panicking" about this is a *potential* problem, though not necessarily one. I see some red flags of possible neediness, though it's also possible he does actually see something in you that indicates this marriage isn't what you really want.

 

[tehdreamer]

Most people, while they can accept another person's need to be alone sometimes, will still strongly desire to be around that other person. I don't think he's necessarily needy, but he has a stronger desires to be around you than you do of him. You aren't too compatible in your needs for socialization and companionship.

If you really do love him and want to be married, you should both think of a compromise that will allow him to feel more secure about the relationship without taking away too much of your alone time.

 

[Badjedidude]

It honestly sounds like you have intimacy issues. Yeah, some people need their space... but to set this guy apart as you have (even after "sealing the deal") shows a fear of closeness.

Honestly, I think it might be better for you to consider a looooong engagement whilst you work on finding a way to accept being intimate and close with another person. Because at this point, a compromise might just cause more problems for the both of you than it's worth.

*shrug* But ultimately it's your decision. I suggest that you talk to the guy and see what he suggests. Be completely honest with him, too... tell him WHY you convinced him to live apart from you, and tell him why the idea of being alone sometimes is needed for your mental health and stability.

Open communication is never wrong in a relationship... so talk about it! Find a solution!