Tired of life

[sadmoongaze]

Sorry, I don't come on here often and so I feel awkward making a thread like this.

My life has been very painful. Part of the reason is not being worth love and acceptance because it's all around me but not for me. I try to better myself,like being sober for over six years, but it feels like it's in vain.

There have been times where I have tried to tell someone these things (outside of therapy) and have been told how others have it worse. On a couple of occasions this statement has come from a crisis line "counselor". And you know...I get it. I get that there are people struggling in ways that I am not. But saying that doesn't make me feel better. I feel even worse really.

I also hate the holidays because it just adds to the feelings of being worthless. I don't really like being around family or anyone as I just feel out of place. The only thing to really look forward to is having some time off, or at least I did. I was asked last week if I would be willing to come in the weekend after Thanksgiving as they are doing a special project. I agreed. I figured I will at least have Thursday and Friday off and that is enough. But then yesterday I was asked if I could possibly come in Thursday.

I don't know why I said yes. Maybe it's because I know i won't be doing anything anyway. Maybe I just want to be reliable. But yesterday after work I started having anxiety or something in a crowded store where everyone was either walking like they were taking a stroll in the park, or were in such a hurry that they felt the need to be breathing on my neck( I at one point was between two people like this).

Not only that, but my fear of driving was tested when I found d myself I front of a stalled car at a light on a very busy street at night. It just all reminded me of how tired I am of work as lately we have had to work consecutive weekends due to issues with the machines we use.

I'm sorry as I didn't mean for this to be so long. I guess it would have just been easier to say that I hate life and I hate living, but these are just some of the reasons why I do.

 

[okidoke]

your feelings are real. knowing some people have it worse doesn't help any, except when you see someone that has had it worse and has been able to overcome their setbacks to move forward, because it can be a sense of inspiration. people who say these things just don't know what else to say, so they say dumb things that have no positive effect. people may have it worse, but they may not necessarily feel worse that you.

i don't know you well enough to give you much advice, but it does sound like you need a change, maybe a big change. i do understand feeling out of place though. i think a lot of that comes from lack of confidence, or like you mentioned, worthiness. that lack is a result of many things, one being experience. when you're experienced, you are better at things, and when you're better at things, then people appreciate you more, respect you more, ask for your advice and opinion more. so, perhaps get more experience, in as much as you can. when you have this experience, that's also knowledge, and when you have better knowledge of things, you start to realise that too many other people are simply a waste of your time, so you need to associate with people of your ilk, your interests, your philosophies, etc. when you associate more with people of a similar mindset, you become more valuable, more respected, more worthy, more attractive, etc. we often get stuck in what other people think we should be doing, for various reasons. but we really need to be following our heart's desire, which doesn't necessarily mean we're chasing a wealthy life, but it might bring us a rich life.

 

[TheRealCallie]

There have been times where I have tried to tell someone these things (outside of therapy) and have been told how others have it worse. On a couple of occasions this statement has come from a crisis line "counselor". And you know...I get it. I get that there are people struggling in ways that I am not. But saying that doesn't make me feel better. I feel even worse really.

Okay, that "counselor" needs to be fired. You don't say that to someone who is in crisis. Of course there are people who "have it worse." There will always be someone who has it worse than anyone else. BUT....it doesn't matter. It's not a damn competition about who has it worse. You feel what you feel and that's ALL that matters. The rest of it is crap. If you feel bad, if you feel depressed, if you feel anxious, it does not matter why you feel that way, just simply the fact that you do. You need help, just the same as anyone else, whether they are "worse off" than you or not.
Don't be ashamed of how you feel, just try to find a way to make yourself feel better. It could be a long journey and you will most likely take a few steps backward before you fully get on the path forward. What are you doing to try to conquer your feelings?

Also, why do you think you aren't worthy of love and acceptance? You most definitely are.

 

[Abstamyous]

Congratulations on your sobriety! As a fellow over 6 year sober myself, I am super proud of you. You've accomplished something incredible, even if it's just a number some days. Numbers aren't my strong suit, so I consider being able to count that high an accomplishment on its own. Compared to the thousands of drinks/hits that could be there instead, it's a lot easier. Please sit in that success and avoid brushing it off.

A lot of your post speaks on things that I currently live with/ am currently working through. I would like to invite you to chat with me, if you ever just want someone to hear you.

I have never called a crisis center, but my impression is that people tend to say "People have it worse" are out of things to say. Kind of crappy for a counselor to default to that, but sometimes it's easier to accept that people can't tell us what we need to hear. That doesn't mean you are unworthy. It just seems to be the more vulnerable we are, the less the world seems to open up to it. I quit seeing my counselor at the beginning of the year, because I felt the sessions turned more into "Just focus on the positive" and less on learning how to deal what truly affects me in a way that makes me feel down. However, I put other tools in my back pocket. I read a daily book called "The Language of Letting Go" (which you can find online for free if anyone is interested). There's also numerous things I do with my day to help me get through, which I won't bog down your post with. I am resuming counseling in December because I do need to talk to someone.

I strongly believe that anxiety is the body doing it's job, to help make changes where needed. You are tired from work, and seem to feel dread when you say yes to extra. Please give yourself permission to say no. You are a reliable employee with good intentions. You don't need to prove that, right now. Your body will make you sick if you don't rest, physically or mentally.You get to choose to do nothing at home. That's the part of your life that is yours to choose to do whatever you want with. And if you feel guilty about saying no, just remember feeling guilty is okay. Feeling panic when you are just trying to get your groceries home, is not. You have to break the cycle in order to restructure.

 

[sadmoongaze]

Okay, that "counselor" needs to be fired. You don't say that to someone who is in crisis. Of course there are people who "have it worse." There will always be someone who has it worse than anyone else. BUT....it doesn't matter. It's not a damn competition about who has it worse. You feel what you feel and that's ALL that matters. The rest of it is crap. If you feel bad, if you feel depressed, if you feel anxious, it does not matter why you feel that way, just simply the fact that you do. You need help, just the same as anyone else, whether they are "worse off" than you or not.
Don't be ashamed of how you feel, just try to find a way to make yourself feel better. It could be a long journey and you will most likely take a few steps backward before you fully get on the path forward. What are you doing to try to conquer your feelings?

Also, why do you think you aren't worthy of love and acceptance? You most definitely are.

I say that I'm not worth love and acceptance because of past experiences with being rejected and hurt by others. I know it's a pretty negative thing to say, but it's hard not to see it that way.

 

[okidoke]

...... because of past experiences with being rejected and hurt by others.......

that's on them, not you