Still better than not saying something

[shehroz1]

Hey everyone.
Turned 40 last September. Married, father of 2 boys. Been feeling like crying and hating everything around me but cant show it. Dont have friends. Have to keep a smiley face before wife, kids and colleagues. Super healthy (do modeling as a side gig). No unhealthy habits. What is happening to me?

 

[Ima Lone]

 

[TheRealCallie]

Sounds to me like you have depression. I would seek out some help and find out exactly what's going on so you can get back to enjoying life and showing your kids that you're okay. Regardless of how good an actor someone is, people can see it if they look. You need to take care of yourself too, that includes your mental health.

Welcome to the forum.

 

[shehroz1]

Sounds to me like you have depression. I would seek out some help and find out exactly what's going on so you can get back to enjoying life and showing your kids that you're okay. Regardless of how good an actor someone is, people can see it if they look. You need to take care of yourself too, that includes your mental health.

Welcome to the forum.

Thank you. I guess you are right. I need to find myself a therapist.

 

[Unsigned]

Condolences on your issue.
Have you spoken with your wife about this?

EDIT:
I suppose you haven't if you are putting a smiley face on for her.
Is she not approachable for this type of conversation?
I've been alone my whole life, but I can only imagine how much worse it must be for people who are married who can't open up to their spouse about things like this. Hope you can find a solution. Best of luck.

 

[Finished]

Welcome to the forum! It can be difficult as you get older. You end up becoming more isolated. Why do you think you are so sad? Did something happen?

 

[shehroz1]

Condolences on your issue.
Have you spoken with your wife about this?

EDIT:
I suppose you haven't if you are putting a smiley face on for her.
Is she not approachable for this type of conversation?
I've been alone my whole life, but I can only imagine how much worse it must be for people who are married who can't open up to their spouse about things like this. Hope you can find a solution. Best of luck.

Married for 12 years, she is a great girl my wife. Headstrong and controlling but for over 10 years I never had any issue with that nor I cared. Ever since I started modeling (the salt and pepper hair distinguished gentleman category) she has been exceptionably nosy with everything I do. Stripped me off my online privacy everywhere. Has access to all my social platforms and even controls them to her liking. Always suspicious to the point that even my mood swings she attribute to me being arrogant since I get to work with young women now and all. I am not a loud person so last year when this precipitated I used to go silent and we didnt talk for weeks. Since last october I just try to smile through every thing that she insinuates (my whereabouts if she doesnt see me on home camera for a few minutes, audit of my online activity and who I am talking to which is no one and why I am watching the movies that I m watching, the list goes on)
Since I am not doing anything I let her do whatever she wants but this and some of the things she have done over the past couple of months have driven a wedge in my heart. I act like I am this obedient and happy husband. So talking to her is pointless. She doesnt have to be unhappy because of how I am feeling so I keep her out of my real feelings.
No friends of social circle, no parents, no confidantes. Meaning all the things I am going through are compounded to the point where I am crying for no reason in my car or in the lavatory.

Sorry about the long whining response.

 

[Ima Lone]

@shehroz1

I dunno what you should do. My life isn’t as wonderful as I’d like it to be, not every moment of every day anyway but I can share this. You can’t control what your wife or anyone else does to you. That’s the bad news but the good news is is that you can control what you do and how you choose to react to the treatment thst you’re given.

Maybe a counselor would help you, in talking things over but you’re still not going to be able to control what your wife or anyone else says or does. Maybe you can look within yourself and figure out why you accept being treated in ways that don’t seem to feel the best for you. Maybe you can stop acting and start living. Only you know what and how you feel but if you’re unsure, a counselor may be able to help you identify your feelings.

Here’s a tool that names emotions. If you see something there then maybe that’d be a start to understanding yourself better. I know it’s helped others, myself included. Good luck, life’s not always easy but usually it can be bettered.

 

[Unsigned]

Married for 12 years, she is a great girl my wife. Headstrong and controlling but for over 10 years I never had any issue with that nor I cared. Ever since I started modeling (the salt and pepper hair distinguished gentleman category) she has been exceptionably nosy with everything I do. Stripped me off my online privacy everywhere. Has access to all my social platforms and even controls them to her liking. Always suspicious to the point that even my mood swings she attribute to me being arrogant since I get to work with young women now and all. I am not a loud person so last year when this precipitated I used to go silent and we didnt talk for weeks. Since last october I just try to smile through every thing that she insinuates (my whereabouts if she doesnt see me on home camera for a few minutes, audit of my online activity and who I am talking to which is no one and why I am watching the movies that I m watching, the list goes on)
Since I am not doing anything I let her do whatever she wants but this and some of the things she have done over the past couple of months have driven a wedge in my heart. I act like I am this obedient and happy husband. So talking to her is pointless. She doesnt have to be unhappy because of how I am feeling so I keep her out of my real feelings.
No friends of social circle, no parents, no confidantes. Meaning all the things I am going through are compounded to the point where I am crying for no reason in my car or in the lavatory.

Sorry about the long whining response.

My goodness. A home camera? Like a "nanny cam"? That must be awful.
No one deserves to have to live like that, especially the man of the house who pays the bills.
I am not a therapist or a counselor or anything, but I think you need to put your foot down here and assert yourself.
Good luck.