I'll start by saying I've never been really good with women. I've had a few girlfriends, but the relationships were never good. It would take me only about a week to realize how very different I was from these girls, which resulted in a complete loss of interest.
I met a girl at a job I worked 4 years ago, and we almost instantly became friends. I found her very attractive, so of course when I first met her I was being more flirty than anything. This girl also has had a boyfriend for about 5 years, which means they were together for a year longer than I have known her. We are all involved in this pretty close group of friends, and pretty often we would have these small parties or get togethers. One of these nights, shortly after I met her (about 4 years ago), her boyfriend grew a pretty strong disliking for me, which of course is understandable. He didn't like the way I would joke around with her, and apparently he also noticed that I "looked" at her in a very inappropriate way one night. So from that time he and I couldn't really be around each other, although the girl would still hang out with me pretty often. I didn't know about what her boyfriend thought until she told me about 8 months or so after it had happened. When I heard about it, I did my best to apologize and I really didn't want to have a bad relationship with this guy. I knew she was his, but I still always had a lot of fun hanging out with her.
Over the next few years I became very close with her. We shared a lot of life experiences with each other and opened up to each other very emotionally. Every time I would hang out with her I would be so happy, and it's so easy for me to make her laugh... which doesn't usually happen with other girls. We have the exact same sense of humor, same values, same interests, etc. I started spending a lot of time with her, and she shared things with me that she doesn't even share with her boyfriend. I couldn't help but start to feel very close with her. He knows how much time she and I spend together, he knows how close we are with each other, and I am sure he doesn't like it.
In the winter, her boyfriend went to Russia for school. During that time, she and I were hanging out every weekend for the 4 months he was there. In that time, I felt so happy every second I was around her, and I felt sad every second she wasn't with me. When we would go out I would like to pretend in my head that she was my girlfriend, and I think that may not have been a smart idea. This recent Halloween I think was actually the night I feel I fell in love with her. We were at this party and there was a guy who tried hitting on her. I took her away and we walked outside, she was upset because of several different things. We walked away from the party and sat down in the street. She looked at me, grabbed me hard, hugged me, and started crying. She opened up so much and shared so many feelings with me, and I opened up to her. I shared things with her that I never wanted to tell anyone before, I tell her everything about myself and she tells me everything about herself. I wanted so badly to grab her and kiss her, but this is why things are complicated:
I am a firm believer in the idea of treating people the way you want to be treated. Her boyfriend is a respectable person, and he is a good guy. If I tried to steal her away from him, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. If she left him to be with me, it would ruin my relationship with her because of what had to happen to him. They struggled with some problems in the past and I believe it almost caused them to split. I am disappointed in myself when I have to admit that I was hoping they would split up, so I could try to take her. She is the most caring and loving person I have ever met, and it kills me that I can't have her. Because of the situation, I will on occasion tell her about a cute girl I talked to, or want to ask out, partially because I want to make it look like my interest is not in stealing her away, and honestly a little bit because of the whole jealousy thing. You see the ******** love stories in movies where everything looks perfect, and you know that feeling doesn't actually exist. But then you meet a person who you feel like you are meant to be with, and you start thinking maybe it does. They are engaged, and I feel like this is a lose-lose situation which I am going to regret for the rest of my life. My thoughts jump back and forth constantly. Some days I feel like I should try to steal her away, other days I feel like I have absolutely no business getting involved, and I kind of lose the feeling towards her. I went over to her place the other night and her boyfriend was there too. They were cuddled up on the couch and we were all watching this movie. She kissed him a few times and was rubbing his side and it was very hard to see. I had so many mixed emotions racing through my head; sadness, anger, jealousy, but they were all overshadowed by me trying to force myself to be happy for them.
The real purpose of posting this is just because I wanted to share this story. There are very many little details I left out because they would have made this post about a book long, so I summarized everything. I've never told this to anyone before, and there's something that appeals to me about being able to anonymously share it with the world. If anyone has something to share, be at advice or a similar story, I'd like to hear. But please, if it's the usual "you should try to talk to her and see if it works out," then save it.
I met a girl at a job I worked 4 years ago, and we almost instantly became friends. I found her very attractive, so of course when I first met her I was being more flirty than anything. This girl also has had a boyfriend for about 5 years, which means they were together for a year longer than I have known her. We are all involved in this pretty close group of friends, and pretty often we would have these small parties or get togethers. One of these nights, shortly after I met her (about 4 years ago), her boyfriend grew a pretty strong disliking for me, which of course is understandable. He didn't like the way I would joke around with her, and apparently he also noticed that I "looked" at her in a very inappropriate way one night. So from that time he and I couldn't really be around each other, although the girl would still hang out with me pretty often. I didn't know about what her boyfriend thought until she told me about 8 months or so after it had happened. When I heard about it, I did my best to apologize and I really didn't want to have a bad relationship with this guy. I knew she was his, but I still always had a lot of fun hanging out with her.
Over the next few years I became very close with her. We shared a lot of life experiences with each other and opened up to each other very emotionally. Every time I would hang out with her I would be so happy, and it's so easy for me to make her laugh... which doesn't usually happen with other girls. We have the exact same sense of humor, same values, same interests, etc. I started spending a lot of time with her, and she shared things with me that she doesn't even share with her boyfriend. I couldn't help but start to feel very close with her. He knows how much time she and I spend together, he knows how close we are with each other, and I am sure he doesn't like it.
In the winter, her boyfriend went to Russia for school. During that time, she and I were hanging out every weekend for the 4 months he was there. In that time, I felt so happy every second I was around her, and I felt sad every second she wasn't with me. When we would go out I would like to pretend in my head that she was my girlfriend, and I think that may not have been a smart idea. This recent Halloween I think was actually the night I feel I fell in love with her. We were at this party and there was a guy who tried hitting on her. I took her away and we walked outside, she was upset because of several different things. We walked away from the party and sat down in the street. She looked at me, grabbed me hard, hugged me, and started crying. She opened up so much and shared so many feelings with me, and I opened up to her. I shared things with her that I never wanted to tell anyone before, I tell her everything about myself and she tells me everything about herself. I wanted so badly to grab her and kiss her, but this is why things are complicated:
I am a firm believer in the idea of treating people the way you want to be treated. Her boyfriend is a respectable person, and he is a good guy. If I tried to steal her away from him, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. If she left him to be with me, it would ruin my relationship with her because of what had to happen to him. They struggled with some problems in the past and I believe it almost caused them to split. I am disappointed in myself when I have to admit that I was hoping they would split up, so I could try to take her. She is the most caring and loving person I have ever met, and it kills me that I can't have her. Because of the situation, I will on occasion tell her about a cute girl I talked to, or want to ask out, partially because I want to make it look like my interest is not in stealing her away, and honestly a little bit because of the whole jealousy thing. You see the ******** love stories in movies where everything looks perfect, and you know that feeling doesn't actually exist. But then you meet a person who you feel like you are meant to be with, and you start thinking maybe it does. They are engaged, and I feel like this is a lose-lose situation which I am going to regret for the rest of my life. My thoughts jump back and forth constantly. Some days I feel like I should try to steal her away, other days I feel like I have absolutely no business getting involved, and I kind of lose the feeling towards her. I went over to her place the other night and her boyfriend was there too. They were cuddled up on the couch and we were all watching this movie. She kissed him a few times and was rubbing his side and it was very hard to see. I had so many mixed emotions racing through my head; sadness, anger, jealousy, but they were all overshadowed by me trying to force myself to be happy for them.
The real purpose of posting this is just because I wanted to share this story. There are very many little details I left out because they would have made this post about a book long, so I summarized everything. I've never told this to anyone before, and there's something that appeals to me about being able to anonymously share it with the world. If anyone has something to share, be at advice or a similar story, I'd like to hear. But please, if it's the usual "you should try to talk to her and see if it works out," then save it.
