Strong feelings for a girl i train with

[pad79]

I train with this girl i have teamed up with in my gym. Been training with her and a small group over the last few months.

I dont know how she feels about me though. She is always hitting me and giving me the odd kick to the leg and the odd punch, (in a playful way). But I dont wanna feel stupid any long if it does not mean anything.

I make her howl laughing all the time almost every time we ever train together and we get on so well but its impossible for me to make any moves at all. I just need to know how she feels.

Does this mean anything more than just nothing when a girl behaves like this towards a guy? I cant help but feel my feelings towards her are close to spiralling out of control. I am almost 100% certain she is single too.

However, the past two weeks or so, she has been very hot and cold with me. As if something completely changed overnight between us. Some other people joined the group when this occured, but i cant see it being that why her mood seems to have changed recently.

I am starting to get really bad anxiety everytime I have to see her now and think its going to get to the point where I am going to have to leave the gym.

 

[kamya]

Impossible to know without asking. They are masters at maintaining plausible deniability.

 

[Xpendable]

She got tired of waiting for you and now she's reluctant because she feel unattractive to you. So probably she feels a little resentment and thinks that investing in you is no longer safe.

 

[pad79]

She offered me to go on a bike ride a few month ago but i just wasnt fit enough.

I am going to ask her again and see what she says. Just hope I havent got it all wrong and its not too late!

 

[pad79]

Well. I asked her in a roundabout way. And exactly as expected. She looked me up and down in disgust..... like I was some kind of weirdo and a stalker. (Theres a surprise) I expected absolutely no different answer though so its not something I will lose any sleep over at all!

And then everyone who knows me wonders why ive not been near any women and refuse to interact with most of them for nearly 5 years.

 

[user 139760]

Well. I asked her in a roundabout way. And exactly as expected. She looked me up and down in disgust..... like I was some kind of weirdo and a stalker. (Theres a surprise) I expected absolutely no different answer though so its not something I will lose any sleep over at all!

And then everyone who knows me wonders why ive not been near any women and refuse to interact with most of them for nearly 5 years.

Hey, dont let that get you down. If thats all the reaction she could muster, its not on you but on her. Decent person could've at least made a show of courtesy and respect while declining and made sure to let you know it doesnt reflect the friendship.
You just make sure to try again and hope to fall on someone who isnt a *********. By the by though, gyms aint the best places in the world for it. I should know lol. Used to be plenty of prissy princesses approached me when I was at the gym, then get all pissy when I turned them down nicely like I owed them worship or something. not worth the bother if they cant react like decent people.

You just make sure not to let it put you off. It aint a general reflection of womankind.

 

[Xpendable]

Well. I asked her in a roundabout way. And exactly as expected. She looked me up and down in disgust..... like I was some kind of weirdo and a stalker. (Theres a surprise) I expected absolutely no different answer though so its not something I will lose any sleep over at all!

And then everyone who knows me wonders why ive not been near any women and refuse to interact with most of them for nearly 5 years.

Hey, dont let that get you down. If thats all the reaction she could muster, its not on you but on her. Decent person could've at least made a show of courtesy and respect while declining and made sure to let you know it doesnt reflect the friendship.
You just make sure to try again and hope to fall on someone who isnt a *********. By the by though, gyms aint the best places in the world for it. I should know lol. Used to be plenty of prissy princesses approached me when I was at the gym, then get all pissy when I turned them down nicely like I owed them worship or something. not worth the bother if they cant react like decent people.

You just make sure not to let it put you off. It aint a general reflection of womankind.

(French accent) 100 rejections later...

 

[Juni]

//I swear I could have posted this already but I'll try again.
You say you asked her in a roundabout way - that could have really confused her. You might have mistook her look of confusion for disgust. You never know. I tend to mistake things when I'm anxious and if someone was roundabout with me it would fly over my head and into the atmosphere.
If you ask her flatout and she says "no", then there's nothing more you can do but respect her and move on. Best of luck to you! I know you can do it.

Well. I asked her in a roundabout way. And exactly as expected. She looked me up and down in disgust..... like I was some kind of weirdo and a stalker. (Theres a surprise) I expected absolutely no different answer though so its not something I will lose any sleep over at all!

And then everyone who knows me wonders why ive not been near any women and refuse to interact with most of them for nearly 5 years.

Hey, dont let that get you down. If thats all the reaction she could muster, its not on you but on her. Decent person could've at least made a show of courtesy and respect while declining and made sure to let you know it doesnt reflect the friendship.
You just make sure to try again and hope to fall on someone who isnt a *********. By the by though, gyms aint the best places in the world for it. I should know lol. Used to be plenty of prissy princesses approached me when I was at the gym, then get all pissy when I turned them down nicely like I owed them worship or something. not worth the bother if they cant react like decent people.

You just make sure not to let it put you off. It aint a general reflection of womankind.

(French accent) 100 rejections later...

Please don't joke like that! It's very mean. Richard is just trying to help. I can definitely vouch for girls. Not all girls are terrible and vain. It really sucks but sometimes it takes a while to find the right person. I believe in you Pad!!

 

[TheLoadedDog]

Yep, Richard is being helpful. He's also correct. And, in my knowledge, a French accent will be an asset in these matters.

 

[user 139760]

Well. I asked her in a roundabout way. And exactly as expected. She looked me up and down in disgust..... like I was some kind of weirdo and a stalker. (Theres a surprise) I expected absolutely no different answer though so its not something I will lose any sleep over at all!

And then everyone who knows me wonders why ive not been near any women and refuse to interact with most of them for nearly 5 years.

Hey, dont let that get you down. If thats all the reaction she could muster, its not on you but on her. Decent person could've at least made a show of courtesy and respect while declining and made sure to let you know it doesnt reflect the friendship.
You just make sure to try again and hope to fall on someone who isnt a *********. By the by though, gyms aint the best places in the world for it. I should know lol. Used to be plenty of prissy princesses approached me when I was at the gym, then get all pissy when I turned them down nicely like I owed them worship or something. not worth the bother if they cant react like decent people.

You just make sure not to let it put you off. It aint a general reflection of womankind.

(French accent) 100 rejections later...

See, this is why the web pisses me off. I like you Exp, but that comment I wouldve slapped the taste right out of your mouth in a face2face.
You think its horseshit, fine by me. Dont piss me off personally and just say you dont ******* agree, period instead of playing sarcastic smarmy ****. It doesnt make you look cool, makes you look like a ******* idiot.
Id rather be rejected 10000l timesand it work once or twice, at least I got kids and got laid a couple of times, whens the last time you got banged?

 

[Xpendable]

It was a spongebob reference. But thanks for the shaming.

 

[pad79]

Well. I asked her in a roundabout way. And exactly as expected. She looked me up and down in disgust..... like I was some kind of weirdo and a stalker. (Theres a surprise) I expected absolutely no different answer though so its not something I will lose any sleep over at all!

And then everyone who knows me wonders why ive not been near any women and refuse to interact with most of them for nearly 5 years.

Hey, dont let that get you down. If thats all the reaction she could muster, its not on you but on her. Decent person could've at least made a show of courtesy and respect while declining and made sure to let you know it doesnt reflect the friendship.
You just make sure to try again and hope to fall on someone who isnt a *********. By the by though, gyms aint the best places in the world for it. I should know lol. Used to be plenty of prissy princesses approached me when I was at the gym, then get all pissy when I turned them down nicely like I owed them worship or something. not worth the bother if they cant react like decent people.

You just make sure not to let it put you off. It aint a general reflection of womankind.

Thanks Richard. Yeah I know you are right. There was just no need for her to act that way. I know not all women are like that but it sure does feel that way sometimes.

Actually if anything, her ****** response has actually made it a while lot easier for me if anything. Wouldnt have minded her reaction as much but it was her who suggested it in the first place.

Oh not to mention the last week or two shes had a proper pissy attitude with me. Good thing like i say, its putting me right off her. Isnt the first time this behaviour has happened.

Had it with a company of women that moved in. Was great for about a year and we had some right laughs. then a few of them started the same behaviour. Great laugh and joking together most of the time. Then almost over a week, just end up blanking me and quickly develop a proper pissy attitude towards me.

Strangely enough the behaviour everytime seems to be identical in the same pattern.

 

[Juni]

Well. I asked her in a roundabout way. And exactly as expected. She looked me up and down in disgust..... like I was some kind of weirdo and a stalker. (Theres a surprise) I expected absolutely no different answer though so its not something I will lose any sleep over at all!

And then everyone who knows me wonders why ive not been near any women and refuse to interact with most of them for nearly 5 years.

Hey, dont let that get you down. If thats all the reaction she could muster, its not on you but on her. Decent person could've at least made a show of courtesy and respect while declining and made sure to let you know it doesnt reflect the friendship.
You just make sure to try again and hope to fall on someone who isnt a *********. By the by though, gyms aint the best places in the world for it. I should know lol. Used to be plenty of prissy princesses approached me when I was at the gym, then get all pissy when I turned them down nicely like I owed them worship or something. not worth the bother if they cant react like decent people.

You just make sure not to let it put you off. It aint a general reflection of womankind.

(French accent) 100 rejections later...

See, this is why the web pisses me off. I like you Exp, but that comment I wouldve slapped the taste right out of your mouth in a face2face.
You think its horseshit, fine by me. Dont piss me off personally and just say you dont ******* agree, period instead of playing sarcastic smarmy ****. It doesnt make you look cool, makes you look like a ******* idiot.
Id rather be rejected 10000l timesand it work once or twice, at least I got kids and got laid a couple of times, whens the last time you got banged?

Please calm down! Let's not fight. We're here to help Pad, not bicker. ;;

 

[user 139760]

It was a spongebob reference. But thanks for the shaming.

....Oh.
Akward.
Never watched that, a bit past my time. So, I apologise.
Tell you what, you get a free shaming on me sometime and I'll actually agree with it, how's that sound?

 

[TheRealCallie]

I agree with Juni. If you want something, ask for it in a straight forward way. Don't beat around the bush or try to mask what you are really asking. Also, do NOT think you know what a "look" means or what she is thinking. You don't know.
Considering that you went into it expecting to be rejected, that may have a lot to do with it.

 

[Red_Wedding_Casualty]

I'd want to ask the OP how things are post rejection. Does she still go to this gym. Does the OP still go to this gym? If yes to both questions, are things now tense and awkward between. Does this affect other people in the gym?

I feel that the OP was right to test the waters in a roundabout way, rather than just flatout ask her out. Thing is that, rejection is not the end of it. Maybe some people can just 'move on' like it was nothing, but for most of us, we have to wear that disappointment on our shoulders for weeks. Or longer. And if the rejector is going to be in the same environment as us post rejection, well things WILL get awkward. Very awkward. I'd ask the OP exactly how he went about going roundabout. I suspect that he messed up his approach and ousted himself. And the resulting loss seems to be the same as just asking her out: He's not only lost a potential friend, but now a comfortable place to workout as well.

Had it been me, I would have actually just kept my mouth shut. And if the anxiety got too much to handle, I would have just left the gym. In the face of certain defeat, it's far better to save face, and slip quietly back into the shadows.

 

[ardour]

She initially showed interest, he tried to test whether it was still there without making it too awkward. Nothing wrong with that. It was the right thing to do.

You just know if he did ask her out directly he'd have people on his case accusing him of "not reading the signs" or 'boundary pushing'.

...So she reacts as if he were sub-human for asking her to join him in the same activity she asked him to previously. The lack of self-awareness is indeed strong with this one.

 

[TheRealCallie]

But yet, we really have no idea what the OP means about what a "roundabout" way is, now do we? We have no idea what really happened or what her real reaction was, because we weren't there. We only have ONE side of the story to go by. One side, I might add, that EXPECTED to be rejected, so really, it's a NEGATIVE accounting of the story, so chances are high that it's not exactly as he thinks it was.
ONE side of a story, does not make it true. ONE side of a story very rarely has all the facts. I'm not calling him a liar, that's how he perceived what happened, but that doesn't necessarily mean it actually happened that way.

 

[Red_Wedding_Casualty]

One side, I might add, that EXPECTED to be rejected, so really, it's a NEGATIVE accounting of the story, so chances are high that it's not exactly as he thinks it was.  

Most us here can empathize with the dude. Like he said: It's been about 5 years since he's either been in a relationship, or tried to ask a girl out. Either way, their would have been a tonne of anxiety riding on his back. Most of us losers here know what that feels like. And, those of us that lack your willpower can't just switch that **** off. Sure, we don't know exactly what happened and how, but props to him for at least summoning up what little courage he had to try and test the waters, knowing that it would be received poorly(OP's braver than me at least). And lo and behold, the scenario played out exactly as he feared.

 

[ardour]

One side, I might add, that EXPECTED to be rejected, so really, it's a NEGATIVE accounting of the story, so chances are high that it's not exactly as he thinks it was.  

Most us here can empathize with the dude. Like he said: It's been about 5 years since he's either been in a relationship, or tried to ask a girl out. Either way, their would have been a tonne of anxiety riding on his back. Most of us losers here know what that feels like. And, those of us that lack your willpower can't just switch that **** off. Sure, we don't know exactly what happened and how, but props to him for at least summoning up what little courage he had to try and test the waters, knowing that it would be received poorly(OP's braver than me at least). And lo and behold, the scenario played out exactly as he feared.

He didn't follow the script exactly how she wanted, so she lost interest. Then he shows interest (too late), and since she is no longer interested, this is perceived as creepy, so she reacts with contempt.

Always up to men to initiate and risk rejection: at the right time and in the perfect way. He got it wrong and is harshly judged for it. Par for the course.