Stuck at Home!

[lifeisunusual]

Hello

I'm new to this forum, but already found a few posts I could relate to. I'm 25, Graduated in May, and at University I met loads of students but nobody I could really bond with. I had to repeat the first year due to mental health problems, and transferred to another University out of London. Here, I met some friends that I thought were friends for life. I bonded really well with them, a lot of them were International students or who lived far away or who were even Gay. It was hard living with our differences, I found out through a hospital I had Autism but don't believe I have and neither does my Counsellor. So, all my friends I'd met in those halls had some diagnosis, OCD, Bi-Polar, and yeah, it got ugly, but we got over it, we still kept in touch when I got into my 3rd year, I didn't meet anybody in halls in the 3rd year and hated the accommodation, but met a "friend" on my course who I hadn't even noticed, because she never turned up.

So, rewind to now, I'm only friends with the 3rd year friend and 1 school friend who never gives a **** about me or contacts me. I'm supposed to be going out to Jazz Cafe tomorrow night where my 3rd year friend will be, and I haven't seen her since May plus she lives in Kent, so she's not always in London. We'll be in Camden tomorrow night but not together. This is a real turning point for me because if she was a true friend, she'd make some time to meet me at a bar or a pub. But she hasn't even replied to any fb messages. I'm shocked. I've literally got no job, I'm on Job Seekers, stuck at home with family and no social life apart from online, I apply for jobs every day/interns too, and just sick of it!

It doesn't even hurt me anymore because its making me feel numb, I have never been somebody to have high expectations of friends or even life, but when you put effort into a friendship and like the 2nd year friends they end in shambles its soul destroying. And I'm frightened of actually making friends with people because I don't want my whole life to feel rejected or hurt. I'm not a pathetic, emotional, person, I've been through a lot and survived it but friendship issues always phuck my head up!

Any advice?

 

[Bei]

I don't exactly have any advice since I've never really had any bad experiences with friendships. I do have many horrible ones with friends I made online when I used to play games, not sure if that counts. The only thing I learned really was to just be more careful and for a while I had walls up but not for long and I guess there's always a risk of getting hurt when you let someone in. Your post caught my eye because I know exactly what it feels like to be jobless and stuck at home. I think there's quite a few people on here who are going through the same thing.
Anyways, welcome to the forum and I hope you make some friends here because everyone needs at least one and hope you can find some help here to deal with your friendship problems. Sorry I didn't really have any advice.

 

[Hearmenow2012]

I can relate to the fact of being jobless, living at home and feeling like my 'friends' don't make very much effort to contact and/or see me even when I do. Most of the time it just seems like they could care less about what is going on in my life which isn't isn't a lot really besides going the gym/swimming as often as possible but I just guess that is just the way that people are. I don't have much of a social life either.
I'm sure that things will work out in the end and welcome to the forum

 

[lifeisunusual]

Thanks guys for the advise. Since posting this message I have officially ended it with the bad friends. My Sister pointed out if they're not making me happy then really what is the point, I might not have any friends for a while but I see this as a chance to rebuild and find friends that have similar interests or at least truthful qualities. I never really found University a good learning place, but I did learn an awful lot about life and myself. When I told an friend I couldn't continue the friendship she didn't even respond to the message and blocked me from facebook. That goes to show how little she cared. And the weirdest thing of it all is that 1 school friend who was my closest childhood friend messages me to this day, and yes its all on Facebook but she's always been there for me and if I only have 1 friend in my life, at least I know I'm not living a lie.

 

[Hearmenow2012]

Thanks guys for the advise. Since posting this message I have officially ended it with the bad friends. My Sister pointed out if they're not making me happy then really what is the point, I might not have any friends for a while but I see this as a chance to rebuild and find friends that have similar interests or at least truthful qualities. I never really found University a good learning place, but I did learn an awful lot about life and myself. When I told an friend I couldn't continue the friendship she didn't even respond to the message and blocked me from facebook. That goes to show how little she cared. And the weirdest thing of it all is that 1 school friend who was my closest childhood friend messages me to this day, and yes its all on Facebook but she's always been there for me and if I only have 1 friend in my life, at least I know I'm not living a lie.

Good for you. There isn't any point in having fake friends that don't seem to care. We're here for you if you ever need to rant/vent again