Take January and February BY THE BALLS!!!

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M

Mr. Sir

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This is not addressed at Australians, as I know it is summer where you live.

Let's face it, January sucks. I've painted calendars before, and January is a hard month to illustrate just due to it's total SUCKINESS. After Santa Claus and his reindeer leave, and after you sing Auld Lang Syne, you are faced with a ugly, dreary, snowy, gray, rainy, dark, cold month with ZERO holidays. And then is followed by FEBRUARY, which is just as garbage, and DOES have a Holiday.... but unfortunately none of the dudes on this forum will get to participate in it.... making it much, much worse.

DON'T LET THE WINTER DEPRESSION GET TO YOU!!!

There is a common myth that people kill themselves the most in January... THEY DON'T!! People kill themselves IN THE SPRING when they are out of shape from the winter. So use these TWO MONTHS to HIT THE GYM every day, while the cold, crappy weather goes outside. And for all you dudes out there who have cried yourselves to sleep on Valentine's Day, YEAR AFTER YEAR, this year I want you to SCREAM as you lift the bar with two 45 plates on each side off of you!!!

Because NO ONE is out partying in January and February, it is a good time to make a comeback in many areas of your life. BE in the gym every day in these months. Take up an EXTRA shift at work for extra $$$$. Turn your hobby into a side business. While EVERYONE ELSE is inside being pissy and depressed, YOU can be inside SCHEMING how to get ahead.

Be the tortoise who keeps on running the race while the hare is sleeping. Come spring, when all the hotties are out sunbathing, you won't have to look from a distance and think...

"It's all so adorable... but you... can't... have... it."
 
I went on a 6-mile snow shoe trip in a nearby state forest about two weekends ago. It was grueling but great. I still hike in the winter.
 
I prefer to take them by the throat with a nice, gentle carotid massage, lulling them unsuspectingly in to a baroreceptor-induced sleep. Then I bind and gag them, and take them to my basement lair.

Therein I place them upon an ornate altar of basalt, wrought iron, and silver inlay, where they remain naked for three nights consuming only honey and the purest of spring water. Sandalwood burns in the directions of a compass rose, and the only light comes from a ceiling candelabra, glinting warmly off of the silver embelishments upon the altar block, pooling in the moisture of the Blessed's eyes.

After this ritual of purification, the Intended is sacrificed to the Ones Forgotten, no longer known in this dimension or frame of time. Blood is freed from the veins of the arms and legs, and as it pools at the bottom I..

Wait, are we talking about months, here? Oh, right. Yeah I'm totally going to do something to improve myself during this last month of winter. Something normal, and productive! Ha! Ha... ahem.
 
I prefer to take them by the throat with a nice, gentle carotid massage, lulling them unsuspectingly in to a baroreceptor-induced sleep. Then I bind and gag them, and take them to my basement lair.

Therein I place them upon an ornate altar of basalt, wrought iron, and silver inlay, where they remain naked for three nights consuming only honey and the purest of spring water. Sandalwood burns in the directions of a compass rose, and the only light comes from a ceiling candelabra, glinting warmly off of the silver embelishments upon the altar block, pooling in the moisture of the Blessed's eyes.

After this ritual of purification, the Intended is sacrificed to the Ones Forgotten, no longer known in this dimension or frame of time. Blood is freed from the veins of the arms and legs, and as it pools at the bottom I..

Wait, are we talking about months, here? Oh, right. Yeah I'm totally going to do something to improve myself during this last month of winter. Something normal, and productive! Ha! Ha... ahem.

damn brian that was dark ****,

awesome, I loved it

XD
 
I actually really like January and February. I don't mind gaining an extra ten over the winter every year (and I do). Humans were meant to gain weight during the winter anyway, just like every other animal out there that deals with winter seasons.

I usually step up my physical activity and workouts around March so I'm pretty decent by summer... but honestly winter is my favorite time. :)
 

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