Terrible Life Thus Far

[TheSkaFish]

The only bad part is, they won't have a room ready until six days from now. But hey, what's another week in the heat?

Just remember, keep hydrated. I've heard it said that you should drink 8 cups of water a day, perhaps even more since you're going to be sweating constantly. Dehydration is really deadly though, so just make sure you have access to water as much as possible.

I still strongly believe you should go home if it is at all possible though. Or live with a friend if you can, or something. I am much more north than you, and even here it is very hot already. I can only imagine what it's like by you. I wouldn't try to last the week.

 

[jaguarundi]

In relation to the Christian element of the shelter, just remember that you are doing them a huge favour.

They get to practice their Christian charity, which will make them feel good. Also, they get the chance to spread the gospel, thus in their view, perhaps saving your soul, something that is very important to them. Which will make them feel good.

Without you, how would they get to feel so good?

 

[Peaches]

In relation to the Christian element of the shelter, just remember that you are doing them a huge favour.

They get to practice their Christian charity, which will make them feel good. Also, they get the chance to spread the gospel, thus in their view, perhaps saving your soul, something that is very important to them. Which will make them feel good.

Without you, how would they get to feel so good?

ahah, that is exactly the way it is

 

[Giggles86]

It's nice to hear things turning around for you! So glad to hear it. You know what might improve your situation further...? vegemite! Haha I will be giving it to him. I could live off vegemite on toast. Your a good kid... You just have strange taste in foods haha

 

[Gravely]

Vegemite tastes like crunchy rotting apricot ***.

The past two days have been very hot, but bearable. I got lucky today and it's rained a little, but it's very humid anyway. I've been drenched in sweat from 9AM until around 6PM. I've been drinking a ton of water. I have enough rationed for probably four days, but I'm near a water source and can refill as much as I need to. The heat is really suppressing my appetite though. I didn't eat all day yesterday and had to force myself eat today because I was feeling faint. Of course, the only food I have peanut butter and bread, which I'm ******* sick of, so that probably had something to do with it. If you put a cheeseburger in front of me right now, I'd demolish it in seconds.

I talked to a guy from the shelter earlier and he wants me to come in and fill out some paperwork as well as run a background check in the morning. Apart from a passing bad checks arrest a few years ago (the PA dropped the charges because I paid), I'm clean.

As for going home, I think I have my answer. My dad offering to pay my first month's rent when I get a job tells me he wants to help, but my step-mom is barring me from going home. I'd bet you anything that, since this situation has started, she has gone on several psychotic rants about me and saying I'm not welcome, and my dad saying she's senile and that I'm his son. I heard this go down so many times when I lived there. I think that, if my dad had anywhere to stay that she didn't own, he would send me there. He's just limited in ways he can help me.

The only person I can call a friend is a guy I used to work with, a low-level manager actually. He has always helped me in the past and he knows my situation more than anyone, but he has no AC at his place and is currently staying at his mom's because of the heat.

As for the shelter's Christian aspect, I've thought of that. The only reason I'm going along with it is they aren't condescending and genuinely seem to care. I'm not going to tell them my history with the church or that I'm an Atheist, though. Surely that will lead to their confrontational nature taking over and that's just not a road I can afford to go down now. They're helping me, so I'll play the vulnerable Agnostic bait. I'll cooperate fully and play by their rules. My only concern is my Heartagram tattoo being misunderstood and it blowing my cover.

 

[SofiasMami]

Hi,
My heart aches reading your posts. Nobody deserves to live like that. It sounds like there are a few people that are able to help, including your dad.
As for the religion angle, I'm anti- religious (Christopher Hitchens is my idol) but I really don't know what I would do if I were in the same situation. I suppose the need for self-preservation would win out but as the saying goes, don't judge someone till you've walked in their shoes. Do keep us updated on how you're doing. I'll be checking back here for updates.

-Teresa

 

[Gravely]

Thank you Teresa. Yeah, I can understand how people in my situation find God. You're emotionally compromised all the time, and any slight glimpse of human kindness seems overwhelming to you. I remember a few months back when my stepbrother came down from Seattle when my dad was in the hospital. We went out to eat and he could tell something was up when none of the family realized anything. He asked me if everything in my life was alright and I could barely keep my poker face. I felt like breaking down then and there and telling him everything in a fit of tears, but all I could choke out was 'Yeah, things are good'.

I think the idea of a god is comforting to people. I just know too much to believe in the fantasy anymore. I'm compromised, but I'd be truly lost if I adopted such an ideology in my adult life. I've seen my will broken temporarily, but I can't see myself losing my reason on a longer term basis.

I apologize if any Christians here feel attacked by my statements-- it's not my intention to attack you. It's the Christian ideology in itself my issue is with, not the people who believe it.

 

[SofiasMami]

You sound like an amazingly strong person. I hope you continue to have the courage to reach out to others who are willing to help.

-Teresa

 

[jayme89]

I think you're right. It's going to be hard on me, and I don't want to, but it gets hot here in the summer. Last week I woke up drenched in sweat everyday, and it was difficult to get cleaned up for work. The summer is only going to get worse.

My dad said he's going to call again tomorrow. I don't think I have any choice but to ask if I can come home.

When you go home just do everything you can to be out of the house during the day. That way you'll literally only be there to sleep. You're an adult, you can do this. This is what I do. I work and go to school, or I'm in the library or Starbucks. I do ANYTHING to just stay out the house because in my position living at home is mentally unhealthy for me as well but I have no choice. I know my goals and living home now is the only way I can achieve those goals in a timely fashion.

 

[Gravely]

Hey guys,

The interview was a setup. The guy left early, and the guy running the shelter just wanted to meet me to see if I'm coherent and not a junkie. I ended up liking the guy and I was in within ten minutes.

The place is awesome. There is more food there than I've ever seen and we eat better than kings. Since Saturday, I've become stronger and healthier than I have been in years. The live-in situation is cool, good atmosphere. Most have been strung out at some point, but no one uses now. The people there are cool, no loose cannons. The guy running the shelter isn't one of those blind faith addicts. His outlook and moral code isn't much different than mine, the main difference being he labels it 'Christian' and I label mine 'Atheist'. But this guy was homeless at twelve, he's been into the depths, and knows where I've been. I knew within then minutes I didn't have to lie to him about ideologies. He's just a good guy.

Another thing I didn't expect about the house-- it's an actual house in a good neighborhood. A judge lives next door. The guy running the shelter will come in for a couple of hours during the morning, but then leaves. We aren't babysat and we're treated like human beings. We have individual rooms and plenty of space. We can do laundry, cook (a guy I've befriended was a cook in Vietnam, and holy ****, he's good at it), and do what we want as long as we stay clean and do some standard housework. I do the floors, which I have a lot of experience with. I did them yesterday and, although the house was huge, a thorough job only took an hour. It's a small price to pay for what we get, and I tell the owner everyday that I'm grateful for the fact that he took me off of the street.

Anyway, I'm out putting in applications. Just wanted to check in. Thanks guys.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Wow I'm really so happy to hear about all that has gone on with the shelter, Gravely! That's awesome. I'm really so glad.

I hope it continues to work out for you from here. Good luck!

 

[Gravely]

It was so overwhelming. I woke up feeling terrible and drenched in sweat, and a few hours later, I was eating the best dry rub ribs and beans with cornbread I've ever seen in my life, then taking a shower, then going to get cigarettes (I was smoking other people's butts from ashtrays and rolling outdated pipe tobacco before). This is luxury some of these guys haven't seen in years before coming here.

Now that I have this new strength, it's my time to help other people in the situations I've been in. Not even an hour after I got there, I was sitting on the porch smoking with my bearded guru (the dude who was in 'Nam) and this other guy walked up with a trash bag and a briefcase while talking to himself. The shelter owner talked to him for about twenty minutes, and he walked on down the road. I later learned he was schizophrenic and off of his medication, so he couldn't be taken in. I felt so bad for the guy. The shelter owner loaned me $20 for cigarettes, and I was on my way down to the corner gas station to buy some and I saw the same guy on the side of the road holding up a sign saying 'HELP'. On my way back, I brought him cigarettes and a hot dog. He could tell I was from reality, but couldn't understand that there wasn't a crowd behind me. But I knew he had walked probably 30 miles that day-- he needed something. He looked at blank air beside me and thanked someone who wasn't there.

The next day, I saw him and I could tell he was in his normal personality and not hearing voices. He thanked me for the food and smokes, and gave me an insanely nice bone-handle Bowie knife. I said he didn't have to and I just wanted to help him out, but he insisted. I love this blade so I'm keeping it, but it's easily worth a couple hundred bucks at least. As he was walking away, I said 'Hey dude, just out of curiosity, how did you know it was me who helped you?' He looked at me nonchalantly and said 'You were the only one not covered in blood' and went on down the road. I looked at my new friends, they looked at me, and we all said 'holy ****' simultaneously.

You guys know how dark my life was a week ago, but there are lives so dark it's a wonder they continue to exist. I can't save people from it, but if I can, I'll do whatever possible to make their day better.