Terrified

[cjanis001]

I'm a 58 year old woman, married and divorced 3 times. I have 2 children. My 26 year old son has been on his own for some time now. My 20 year old daughter was living with me, working and going to school. We decided to move out in the country. Got everything set up, then she decided to move in with her boyfriend. Now, I'm all alone and isolated. I cry and cry. I don't know what to do with myself. I don't have any friends, and don't know how to make friends. It would be especially hard anyway since I live 8 miles from town. I'm a teacher on summer break, so my days are very long. I find myself watching TV all day long. Even at school, I'm a specials teacher and not considered part of the "group". Plus, when you work with kids all day long, it's hard to even find the time to talk to other adults at work. I don't know what to do. I don't want to do the matchmaking-dating scene on the internet. I don't really even want to date. I just want some friends to share thoughts with, or go to a movie, or whatever. I would appreciate any help you have to offer.

 

[motiv]

Although im a little on the young side, 23, inbetween your son and daughter- i would think you would be a little more relieved that the kids moved away right? If not /comfort, I personally stay away from those online match making sites, i think they are all after money money money and people that do stay on more then just mere curiosity are after flings or meaningless friendships. Ive always found working out, espically when walking around and bumping into neighbors fun and sometimes you kinda plan your workouts outside together around the same time without knowing. Then again those "friendships" arent exactly deep : /

 

[Pebblette]

Hi CJ (do you mind if I call you that for short?), and welcome!

I'm finding this website very encouraging and therapeutic (thank you so much, Bjarne!). I love encouraging everyone on this site, and in real life, I love making people laugh and making them happy, but I can never seem to make friends :-(.

I'm Pebblette and I'm 36 for five more days .

You sound sooo sad, I just wanted to hug you. Your post brought tears to my eyes.

A lot of us here don't know how to make friends, so I hope you can find solace in that.

My mom is 59 and lives in Florida. She also lacks friends in the real world, that's probably why she cries a lot, besides that she and my dad, although they live together, aren't very close (I wonder if I'm following in her footsteps - see my first post "New to the Forum"). She gained considerable weight (after accomplishing a dramatic weight loss in the 80's and maintaining for 15 years), and doesn't even have the motivation to clean the house. My mom also watches TV all day. She is so bashfully shy she won't even leave the house. Well, my sister and I left in our mid-teens, the abuse at the hands of our dad was too much to handle, but once my mom got a computer, she made friends online. I think through an pet lovers' website. That's a good way to make friends online through things you enjoy. Her best friend Wilma lives in England.

To be honest, it is probably more healthy for your daughter to be begin making her own way in the world. I'm sorry that has caused to feel isolated and alone, though.

Where do you live? Feel free to private message the answer to me.

I hope this has been helpful. Good luck!!

Pebblette

 

[Blue Sky]

Hi Cjanis

I know how you feel I'm alone most of the time, and recently I hurt my knee and the doc says that I have to stay in and rest my leg for a week.
Do you have any pets? Maybe you could get a litte dog, take him for walks, there very good companions for lonely people.
Are there any hobbies that you could take up?
Maybe find an epal or penpal, there's a section on this forum.
Anyway welcome to the forum.

 

[Guest]

I can tell you that when I found myself finally entirely alone I did good for a couple of months - keep busy and almost overwhelmed by the novelty of being alone (if that makes sense?) But then I crashed hard for several months after that and have only recently started leveling out. It is a bizarre thing to be alone. I have times of the day that are worse and I have started to recognize them. I cut myself slack. Sometimes I just see in myself that this is the reality of the situation. And yes, some days I can hardly stop crying...and then I plug along.

I have cats and a dog. I like to quilt. For the longest time I couldn't quilt; but lately it is finally my salvation. People say get a hobby or get out or socialize and while that is frustrating to us while we hurt (because I am hear to tell you it doesn't always help); I know they say it in best intentions because they don't want you in pain. My point is; I believe you will find what you need in yourself and maybe even with some professional help if that works for you (I personally couldn't do it - bad combo of shy and introverted - and lonely - what a combo).

Sometimes I step back from myself and notice how hard it was for me to motivate for something and how long it took me to start to get into it and then I find that just maybe...it took the edge off.

You are in my warmest thoughts. I do hope you will find relief.

 

[teach]

Hi CJ,

Welcome! I'm right there with ya! I'm a teacher, on summer break. I'm also an "outside teacher", but on the other extreme, having the extreme gifted group. I'm even going to be on my own little wing this year, all by myself. They may even forget I'm in the building!
You've found a great place to just chat. Welcome.

 

[jales]

Hey ..i'm not sure if the guest is cjanis or not but i realy connected with what the guest said...
it is a funny thing about being along that can be painful
beside all the negative stuff you tell yourself in those moments when there's no one but the wall to stare at (and boy can we be our worst critics...not to mention how easy it is to remember the painful times; maybe its something in humans that makes us think on those painful memories more so than the good ones....whenever we are alone and our minds are left to wonder), just being alone without thoughts and stuff can actually hurt sometimes..feeling of emptiness penetrating
i'm not trying to depress anyone..just saying you're not strange to cry or so....and not everyone can be social..its good that you're here..interacting with us though.
cjanis i think online is a really good place to make friend (not romantic as well) it might take awhile(and sometimes people wil be mean) but just keep interacting ..this is a good place to start (i think)..

 

[Pebblette]

It must be said, I absolutely LOVE your avatar, Teach .

 

[teach]

Thank you Pebblette!

 

[lilyelk]

Hi jales, actually, I am the guest. I just decided to register after reading through a bit. I am glad that you were able to relate to some of what I said. I think when you feel lonely it is very easy to think that NO ONE in this entire wide world could understand how bad you feel. And that can feel worse...like you are walking along in your own private pain and no one knows it.

Ironically, there are actually people that don't understand it. But more often than not; I find that people do.

Using myself as an example; I don't think I truly could "feel" the loneliness widows/divorcees/left partners feel after a long live-in relationship/marriage until I experienced myself. And I am generally fairly perceptive to others.

 

[teach]

So glad you registered!