The affect I have on men…

[CenotaphGirl]

Bit graphic ramblings so read at own risk, no need to respond, only about my partner and I and our crazy relationship for those who like to know the ins and outs of my wacky doodle life

I asked my Rob in all seriousness if we can make a baby and his response was surprising…
He first reminded me that I am going into surgery soon, then that we arent married yet and then that if we were to have children I would have to respect him as the lead parent. All this was logical but I wanted a emotional response … from someone who is never emotional… ever… makes sense right?

I just wanted him to pick me up and throw me against a wall and kiss me with a passion only seen on TV… but alas… reality was he tilted his glasses whilst they rested on the bridge of his nose and lectured me instead.

I realised if I want passion I have to take matters into my own hands, I swayed my hips over to my fella and asked if he wanted another man to have all of this or if he’s gonna make me his right here right now… I think teasing his manhood worked as I was starting to get the response I wanted.

Anywho not getting too graphic but after my passionate moment was over my partner asked me to not poke fun at his manhood all the time because despite enjoying a bit of banter and a tease… sometimes it riles him up too much and sometimes he actually wants to hurt me. This was shocking as he has never ever hurt me, ever. I like making him slam his laptop closed and getting his focus on me, makes me feel like a prize…. You know? So anywho… I tried to dig into this hurting me thing like the little BDSM bunny I am… turns out my partner and I have things in common but we cant act on them due to being religious. We worship in slightly different ways so he thinks what we enjoy is sinful and I think it’s beautiful.

Anywho, my partner and I have a shared kink but when I try to get us to explore that side he feels like I am tempting him with sin instead of passion and love like I see it. More concerning.. he thinks he really is at risk of losing me now I am doing a tiny bit of modelling again, and that makes him sad… I kinda like the jealousy but I must find strength to stop liking toxicity.

So we are happy but well… I also seem to be making him unhappy I just seem to have this affect on men. This is the main reason I always felt like mistress material instead of wife material and it can even get to me at times. I pretend it doesn't but I know im not what a wife should be deep down…

 

[user 150037]

Your fella clearly doesn't know how procreation works if he's using future surgery as an excuse - he seems like he's making excuses not to have kids. Plus, any woman deserves a guy who is emotionally responsive about having children. And nothing's sinful if you both consent!

Sorry I couldn't say more - I know a lot of people who beat themselves up about 'having an effect' on others. It sounds like you're quite a nice person.

 

[Cherubino]

a wife should behave like a mistress and a husband like a lover for the rest of their life ... all other issues (including children) are just bureaucracy

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

BDSM is a common kink among both the religious and the atheistic.
The connotation that it's inherently "sinful" feels kinda tropey, but that could just be because I've met enough people in that community over the years to learn that really they're just ordinary, everyday people. They just have their own nuances, is all.
There is a very deep psychology to it, and while I would like to say "one does not simply just dive into BDSM," many people do and, unfortunately end up suffering some kind of trauma from getting involved with something that they didn't really know enough about before they got involved with it.
Bottom line and point being, it's very psychologically powerful stuff.
One does not simply just dive into BDSM in a similar way to how one does not simply just take psychedelic drugs. In both of these instances okay yes, people do go about it that way because how can you have an experience and extrapolate a lesson from that experience, without actually having the experience? You can't.
So what I would caution for in this case is open and transparent communication if indeed the two of you decide to walk that path together.
It is natural for it to dredge up a bit of anxiety and intimidation particularly if you're either new to it entirely or are of relatively less experience with it, but I mean that exact same kind of anxiety comes up with any new experience.
The important thing is to respect boundaries and comfort zones, which differs per person, which is why transparent communication is so very important.
The Guard had the right idea about community etiquette. Because when you're dealing with BDSM you're dealing with the inner workings of a person's psyche, the fragilities and the influences of the ego, and so on and so forth. That's what I mean by it's powerful stuff.
You can't and shouldn't take that kind of stuff lightly, because doing so can easily result an accidental self trauma, accidental self damage, accidental traumatization of another unwilling individual, or accidental damage of another unwilling individual.
Therefore, if you go getting involved in this kind of stuff with each other, clear and transparent communication is of the absolute most importance.
Because I can almost guarantee you that some sociopathic sh!thead of a human being that can't tell their arse from a hole in the ground will show up and throw rocks and wrenches into the relationship from the outside of it. And the reason why I can almost guarantee that might happen, is because anytime you have a community of people who are dealing with extremely powerful psychological stuff, there's always at least one arsehole who screws it up. Kinda like how there's always one bad egg in the carton, and always that one arsehole at work that you've gotta deal with, etc.
Point being, it's strong stuff, and as long as you have clear, concise, and transparent communication, it's fine.
Just be aware that there's a difference between people helping you and your partner, and people helping themselves to you and your partner. Because that's just going to be a natural contingency that will come about at some point or another.
This is also why I would argue that at times that community can be laden with more drama than the entirety of the Lifetime and Hallmark channels. So yes, be aware of that.
Bbbuuutttt at the same time, neither of you can grow and learn without having the experiences necessary to grow and learn. It's a matter of in how you do it, rather than if and when. But that's also kind of true of pretty much all relationships and their evolutions, right? The make or break for relationships is in the hows, not the ifs. And as for whens? Whens are always a factor of inevitability, so long as everything else is accounted for ahead of time, when is never an issue...which is definitely something that I wished I learned and understood sooner in my life rather than later.
Best of luck. Hope things work out well for you two.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

BDSM is a common kink among both the religious and the atheistic.
The connotation that it's inherently "sinful" feels kinda tropey, but that could just be because I've met enough people in that community over the years to learn that really they're just ordinary, everyday people. They just have their own nuances, is all.
There is a very deep psychology to it, and while I would like to say "one does not simply just dive into BDSM," many people do and, unfortunately end up suffering some kind of trauma from getting involved with something that they didn't really know enough about before they got involved with it.
Bottom line and point being, it's very psychologically powerful stuff.
One does not simply just dive into BDSM in a similar way to how one does not simply just take psychedelic drugs. In both of these instances okay yes, people do go about it that way because how can you have an experience and extrapolate a lesson from that experience, without actually having the experience? You can't.
So what I would caution for in this case is open and transparent communication if indeed the two of you decide to walk that path together.
It is natural for it to dredge up a bit of anxiety and intimidation particularly if you're either new to it entirely or are of relatively less experience with it, but I mean that exact same kind of anxiety comes up with any new experience.
The important thing is to respect boundaries and comfort zones, which differs per person, which is why transparent communication is so very important.
The Guard had the right idea about community etiquette. Because when you're dealing with BDSM you're dealing with the inner workings of a person's psyche, the fragilities and the influences of the ego, and so on and so forth. That's what I mean by it's powerful stuff.
You can't and shouldn't take that kind of stuff lightly, because doing so can easily result an accidental self trauma, accidental self damage, accidental traumatization of another unwilling individual, or accidental damage of another unwilling individual.
Therefore, if you go getting involved in this kind of stuff with each other, clear and transparent communication is of the absolute most importance.
Because I can almost guarantee you that some sociopathic sh!thead of a human being that can't tell their arse from a hole in the ground will show up and throw rocks and wrenches into the relationship from the outside of it. And the reason why I can almost guarantee that might happen, is because anytime you have a community of people who are dealing with extremely powerful psychological stuff, there's always at least one arsehole who screws it up. Kinda like how there's always one bad egg in the carton, and always that one arsehole at work that you've gotta deal with, etc.
Point being, it's strong stuff, and as long as you have clear, concise, and transparent communication, it's fine.
Just be aware that there's a difference between people helping you and your partner, and people helping themselves to you and your partner. Because that's just going to be a natural contingency that will come about at some point or another.
This is also why I would argue that at times that community can be laden with more drama than the entirety of the Lifetime and Hallmark channels. So yes, be aware of that.
Bbbuuutttt at the same time, neither of you can grow and learn without having the experiences necessary to grow and learn. It's a matter of in how you do it, rather than if and when. But that's also kind of true of pretty much all relationships and their evolutions, right? The make or break for relationships is in the hows, not the ifs. And as for whens? Whens are always a factor of inevitability, so long as everything else is accounted for ahead of time, when is never an issue...which is definitely something that I wished I learned and understood sooner in my life rather than later.
Best of luck. Hope things work out well for you two.

Not ignoring you Apexie my darling reading this over with Rob tonight ! Will update

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

Not ignoring you Apexie my darling reading this over with Rob tonight ! Will update

Take your time, Ceno. I've all the time in the world.

 

[MysteriousTelephone]

Bit graphic ramblings so read at own risk, no need to respond, only about my partner and I and our crazy relationship for those who like to know the ins and outs of my wacky doodle life

I asked my Rob in all seriousness if we can make a baby and his response was surprising…
He first reminded me that I am going into surgery soon, then that we arent married yet and then that if we were to have children I would have to respect him as the lead parent. All this was logical but I wanted a emotional response … from someone who is never emotional… ever… makes sense right?

I just wanted him to pick me up and throw me against a wall and kiss me with a passion only seen on TV… but alas… reality was he tilted his glasses whilst they rested on the bridge of his nose and lectured me instead.

I realised if I want passion I have to take matters into my own hands, I swayed my hips over to my fella and asked if he wanted another man to have all of this or if he’s gonna make me his right here right now… I think teasing his manhood worked as I was starting to get the response I wanted.

Anywho not getting too graphic but after my passionate moment was over my partner asked me to not poke fun at his manhood all the time because despite enjoying a bit of banter and a tease… sometimes it riles him up too much and sometimes he actually wants to hurt me. This was shocking as he has never ever hurt me, ever. I like making him slam his laptop closed and getting his focus on me, makes me feel like a prize…. You know? So anywho… I tried to dig into this hurting me thing like the little BDSM bunny I am… turns out my partner and I have things in common but we cant act on them due to being religious. We worship in slightly different ways so he thinks what we enjoy is sinful and I think it’s beautiful.

Anywho, my partner and I have a shared kink but when I try to get us to explore that side he feels like I am tempting him with sin instead of passion and love like I see it. More concerning.. he thinks he really is at risk of losing me now I am doing a tiny bit of modelling again, and that makes him sad… I kinda like the jealousy but I must find strength to stop liking toxicity.

So we are happy but well… I also seem to be making him unhappy I just seem to have this affect on men. This is the main reason I always felt like mistress material instead of wife material and it can even get to me at times. I pretend it doesn't but I know im not what a wife should be deep down…

So, wait.... you're awaiting surgery (I don't need to know what for, that's not the point) but you're disappointed that your partner did NOT pick you up and slam you against a wall and make mad passionate love to you because you asked him about having kids? That just sounds insane.

Not only is that a huge life-changing decision for a couple to make, you might not be in the best physical condition to be picked up and thrown around. Sure, him dramatically sweeping everything off the desk, throwing you down and taking you to "pound town" sounds hot, but would it be worth it when in 2 years when you're changing diapers? Nothing about the rest of this post suggests you actually want a child, so it just sounds like an attempt to annoy him. And after he didn't rise to the bait, you jump on top of him and start making fun of his manhood and asking about other men having sex with you? Yeah, of course you're making him unhappy with dumb **** like that.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

So, wait.... you're awaiting surgery (I don't need to know what for, that's not the point) but you're disappointed that your partner did NOT pick you up and slam you against a wall and make mad passionate love to you because you asked him about having kids? That just sounds insane.

Not only is that a huge life-changing decision for a couple to make, you might not be in the best physical condition to be picked up and thrown around. Sure, him dramatically sweeping everything off the desk, throwing you down and taking you to "pound town" sounds hot, but would it be worth it when in 2 years when you're changing diapers? Nothing about the rest of this post suggests you actually want a child, so it just sounds like an attempt to annoy him. And after he didn't rise to the bait, you jump on top of him and start making fun of his manhood and asking about other men having sex with you? Yeah, of course you're making him unhappy with dumb honeysuckle like that.

I am deffo insane lol however, having kids is important to me, he mentions it way more than I do but idk maybe he just wants to make me happy and doesn't really want kids with me… Wouldnt blame him but would want to know the truth as thats a total deal breaker. Not like I really need a mans help to make it happen all they have to do is the same old thing , but I wouldn't wanna trap anyone.

The post is not really about how much I wanna make babies with my Rob, but I do. I deffo didnt want to annoy him but I was only playfully teasing about the other men stuff I didnt mean it but apparently that makes him wanna hurt me which is weird… I often bring the violent side out of men and women, women are weak so who cares but men… well it bothers me that I pee them off so much… I just dont know how I do it.

 

[MysteriousTelephone]

I am deffo insane lol however, having kids is important to me, he mentions it way more than I do but idk maybe he just wants to make me happy and doesn't really want kids with me… Wouldnt blame him but would want to know the truth as thats a total deal breaker. Not like I really need a mans help to make it happen all they have to do is the same old thing , but I wouldn't wanna trap anyone.

The post is not really about how much I wanna make babies with my Rob, but I do. I deffo didnt want to annoy him but I was only playfully teasing about the other men stuff I didnt mean it but apparently that makes him wanna hurt me which is weird… I often bring the violent side out of men and women, women are weak so who cares but men… well it bothers me that I pee them off so much… I just dont know how I do it.

You say you just don't know how you do it.... I would definitely say the behaviours you've described are exactly how you do it.

From this side, it just reads that you're constantly pushing for reactions until you get one, and it's not the one you like. You've said you enjoy distracting him to the point where he'll slam his laptop shut, which is a pretty big sign that you know what you're doing. You like him being jealous because you're doing some modelling and would have the opportunity to cheat, which is odd. Saying inflammatory things until he snaps, and you STILL have no idea how you piss him off until he thinks about hurting you? Like, no idea at all?

That's not to excuse any violence, obviously.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

You say you just don't know how you do it.... I would definitely say the behaviours you've described are exactly how you do it.

From this side, it just reads that you're constantly pushing for reactions until you get one, and it's not the one you like. You've said you enjoy distracting him to the point where he'll slam his laptop shut, which is a pretty big sign that you know what you're doing. You like him being jealous because you're doing some modelling and would have the opportunity to cheat, which is odd. Saying inflammatory things until he snaps, and you STILL have no idea how you piss him off until he thinks about hurting you? Like, no idea at all?

That's not to excuse any violence, obviously.

Noo I dont, I always feel like we are having a laugh at most, i’ve never remotely considered him hurting me a possibility as he’s never been violent with me. I dont want to annoy him I want to ignite his passion but I am used to toxic behaviours so maybe the way I go about it is not the norm but the intention to pee him off is not there. I havent changed either this is who I am, this is who he proposed to so its confusing mixed messages, also he never gave me anything I wanted until I “annoyed him” so it’s like I think thats what I need to do to get the passion engine turning as when I do sweet things it never translates… idk… maybe he has mother issues or something or a unspoken resentment towards women. No idea why he wants to hurt me just because I asked if he wants another man to handle all this. Its flirty not a threat lol but hes just got extra paranoid since the modelling. He’s randomly changed and its like not a fight but a weird thing to confess to me as now I feel like if he is violent with me, am I to blame for staying